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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband won’t wear his wedding ring

152 replies

PleaseSendNoodles · 15/05/2021 16:10

I am aware this is not a big deal. My DH hardly ever wears his wedding ring. It’s just lobbed in a drawer. He says it’s uncomfortable and he’s ‘not a jewellery person’.

We bought one of those silicone ones as a compromise. It’s more practical for his kind of work and the gym etc... but he doesn’t wear that very often either.

I have zero concerns about him trying to convince other women he’s single.... it just irks me. AIBU?

OP posts:
Scarydinosaurs · 15/05/2021 19:57

Would he mind if you didn’t wear your one?

ISaidDontLickTheBin · 15/05/2021 19:57

Not married myself, but none of the married men in DPs family wear wedding rings. I'm not sure some of them even have one.

Ginsmything · 15/05/2021 19:58

Oh and we’ve been married 35 years this July

SavannahLands · 15/05/2021 20:00

My DH will not wear a ring of any description, he has worked all his life with machine tools and for him it’s a Health and Safety thing, too many spinning and sliding sharp blades that could easily get caught up with a Ring and cause some nasty injuries.

He is already minus the first joint from his Middle finger where it slipped whilst operating a Wood cutting machine when he was a young apprentice. He refused to have one when we got Married as he said that it would just be a waste of money, and he didn’t feel comfortable wearing one when he tried anyway.

Lincslady53 · 15/05/2021 20:01

Many years ago, I was in a manager's office in a Tesco and noticed a new scar on his inner forearm. I asked him what it was and he lifted his left hand up and his left ring finger was missing. He has jumped down from the loading bay and heard a tinkling on the floor. He l looked down and saw his wedding ring, next to his finger that the ring had stripped off when it caught on something on the door frame. My husband hasn't with his wedding ring since.

goose1964 · 15/05/2021 20:04

I've been married for 33 years soon, my husband has never worn a,wedding ring, in fact the only person I know who does is my son. I think less men wear their wedding rings than don't. For what it's worth I don't wear mine either.

Helenluvsrob · 15/05/2021 20:04

Meh.
I’ve been married since 1989. I guess I wore my rings for a few years. Thrn I had eldest and it didn’t fit in pregnancy and I wash my hands all the time at work so... it’s on a chain and I wear it sometimes.

HeadFullofRandom · 15/05/2021 20:08

My exH did a physical job and took his off for work, I always said I'd rather he came home with all his fingers than the alternative.

I understand why you'd like him to wear it but I also understand that it might be uncomfortable for him.

Does he know how much it's been bothering you?

ClarkeGriffin · 15/05/2021 20:10

I actually had to stop wearing mine (engagement ring), it caused rashes on my hand. I've never had that from any jewellery ever, think really it was just coincidence as I can get eczema randomly. But my partner won't let me wear it incase it does it again so he got me a necklace to add it to as I felt bad not wearing it. I'll just add my wedding ring to that too.

I don't think it's to be concerned by basically.

PerspicaciousGreen · 15/05/2021 20:28

I have a wedding ring and wear it 24/7. I've taken it off a few times when doing something where I was worried it might fall off, but not for a while now - my fingers got fatter after my first baby! It's all dinged and scratched if you look closely, but to me that's part of its charm. I'm not a jewellery person but I like my wedding ring a lot. It has sentimental value to me.

My DH doesn't wear a wedding ring. He doesn't have one. We never bought one. We didn't use one for him during the ceremony. He just didn't want to wear one, and we weren't going to spend money on one to keep it on a drawer. I think it was part "it's just a ring, it's not important, men don't usually wear them anyway" and part that he doesn't want to wear anything on his hands or wrists. He's never even worn a watch. My Dad never wore a wedding ring, so I felt like the default was for men not to and that some men choose to. I don't think that's true nowadays, but I was never bothered about it.

If you truly have no concerns, then I wouldn't worry about it. Some people place more significance in physical objects and their symbolism than others. The ring isn't the marriage. It is just a symbol.

Longdistance · 15/05/2021 20:42

My dh doesn’t wear his, it could be because he’s lost two of them. The actual wedding band was a Tiffany’s gold band, he lost that in Oz, then bought a replacement and lost that with house keys in his hotel room on a stag do 🙄 I’m not suspicious, he was with byte usual crowd of rugby twats who get drunk and talk crap all night.

Angel2702 · 15/05/2021 20:51

I rarely wear mine with all the hand gel and hand washing I gave up and haven’t worn them since March last year. H doesn’t often wear his now either. No big deal

Boopeedoop · 15/05/2021 20:53

My husband has never had a wedding ring. I bought him a watch instead.

Oilpyii · 15/05/2021 20:59

We’re another couple who don’t wear rings. Dh stopped first, then I did. I had a break as the rowing machine rubbed and wore it less and less. It’s far more comfortable without rings. No stuck soap irritation washing up, a better grip on the bike etc, better for lifting. I’m active and it’s freer. Even applying HMS cream or sanitizer it’s easier.
20 yr marriage and no wobbles.
To be honest though I do also like not proclaiming my personal life. I can work etc and people don’t know I’m ‘mum’ (I am 5), it’s not their business and I don’t have to always wear the identity. Anyone who knows me a little bit knows i am married. I can be a career woman, mum and independent decision maker (ask your husband love...)

lastqueenofscotland · 15/05/2021 21:15

My ex fiancé’s father never wore one he literally couldn’t bare the feeling of it
He and his wife had been married since they were 19 and adored each other.
Unless you had suspicions I couldn’t get too bothered about that

Cassilis · 15/05/2021 21:18

I bought one for DH based on size he gave me - it was too small.

I bought him new one - it fit, he lost it.

Bought him one more, he lost it.

I gave up and he bought the next one himself.

I’ve put on weight so mine don’t fit.

PassMeTheWotsits · 15/05/2021 21:20

We never even bothered getting one for my husband. We had a very low key ceremony and just skipped the ring exchange

Lovebug06 · 15/05/2021 21:23

My dad never had a wedding ring. I didn't even realise it was weird until I was older, I thought just women wore them when I was a kid!
My mum did say it upset her at the time but he just doesn't wear jewellery and couldn't wear it for work so he didn't want one.
He was very committed and loved my mum very much.
It was actually her that left him and he was devestated!

LadyMonicaBaddingham · 15/05/2021 21:28

My DH doesn't wear a ring. I do. I couldn't give a shit, tbh. I like wearing mine, he finds it uncomfortable and awkward for his work.

keeperswif · 15/05/2021 21:28

My husband doesn't have one didn't want one doesn't need one I always thought they were a modern phenomenon... I wear one .. lost my engagement ring ...but mines a simple band it's just jewellery

PermanentTemporary · 15/05/2021 21:28

It upset me when my dh came home from being missing for 5 days and had taken off his wedding ring. He didn't have many clear memories of that time, or didn't want to talk about them, but I think he threw it in a river Sad. He was very ill - clearly he had been leaving me in his mind, but when he was well again he didn't want to. We got another one for him and he always wore that. I almost felt that we shouldn't, really, but it was important to him to replace it.

So I get it; they can be extremely symbolic in good and bad ways. But they're also just rings and a lot of men just don't wear them. My dad never had one so I never saw it as odd.

TheNinny · 15/05/2021 21:31

Mines the same, he would need to remove it for his work so doesn’t bother with it much. He doesn’t like jewellery. His brother would be the same. I wear mine but barely wear my engagement ring since pregnancy, then worried it would catch baby. I wear it now on ‘skinny’ days, when it’s colder outside and my fingers aren’t swollen from the heat, or me eating shite. Otherwise its on for days before I can get it off - and I had it resized already....

ChiefClerkDrumknott · 15/05/2021 21:31

Neither me nor DH wear ours often, and it was he who insisted we had them 😂 I have horses and he has a job that wouldn’t be all that safe wearing it.
Either way neither of us is bothered, it’s just not practical tbh. I do tend wear it every now and then, but I’m not bothered as I don’t find it anyone else’s business whether I’m married (actually civil partnered) or not so don’t feel the need to display it. I’m also notorious for taking rings off to wash my hands and forgetting to put them back on Blush I’ve left them in the ladies’ loo many a time 🤣
Perhaps your husband feels the same?

ChiefClerkDrumknott · 15/05/2021 21:34

I’m female, by the way

feliciabirthgiver · 15/05/2021 21:38

Just agreeing with PP's, my dad has never worn a wedding ring, he just doesn't want too and I know he has not looked at another woman in 50 years. I wholeheartedly agree with the conclusion you have come to, to not give it another thought and to not waste anymore emotion on this topic.

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