Stuck in the car park AIBU?

[CindersCatsSister]

Well this is annoying. Just got out of my car at the car park in the (small) town centre and noticed in the car next to me a child, looks to be about 4 or 5, by themselves. Quite happily reading a book but all alone. I thought oh I’ll just hang on here until his parent gets back but it’s been 15 fucking mins now and I’ve got shit to do. But I want to keep an eye on him in case (of what, I don’t know). Am I being (too much of) a busybody?

Should have rang the police. For some reason people find this acceptable but leaving a dog in a car unacceptable. Madeline McCann, may not have been in a locked car but was in a locked hotel room.
So what if they don't like the shops, they are a small child, parents make their choices.

This in Georgia, USA

This is so weird. If the OP had started a thread with the title 'I left my 4 year old in the car -WIBU?', she'd have been absolutely flamed.
MN is a different planet at times.

I have to confess to once leaving my then 5 year old in the car outside a small m & s whilst I ran in for a couple of items. It had been a long day and my son didn't want to go into the shop. I knew it was quiet and I could be in and out in less than 5 mins. I left him strapped in okaying with a toy in the locked car. Told him mummy will be 5 minutes etc. As soon as I got into the shop he had burst into tears and a very kind older lady had stood talking to him through the closed window until I got back. I was mortified and felt like the worlds worst mother. I said oh I literally have only been gone 5 minutes. She said she knew this because she'd seen me leave the car. He was inconsolable for ages and I knew I'd made a serious error of judgement. Thank god the woman didn't phone the police I'd have died of shame. I never, ever did it again and even now 6 years on I feel ashamed 😱

@NinjaJunkie

I was often left in the car at that age with a book - preferred it to being dragged around the shops.

Told not to unlock the doors for anyone. Did as I was told.

Nothing happened

Times were different back then. People have gone to court over this

I'd be calling the police. Right Now. How long are you going to wait for the parent/s? Maybe they do this all the time?

The only time I leave my son in the car is paying for fuel at Sainsbury's (The only forecourt we have that doesn't have pay at pump). I have full view of the car there and can gauge how much of a queue is inside.
Every where else is too much of a risk and he comes with me. He's almost 9

@Idogiveadamn

I'd be calling the police. Right Now. How long are you going to wait for the parent/s? Maybe they do this all the time?

Do you actually look at when the OP was posted? It was Saturday

Word of caution: I've not RTFT

Just because it isn't a hot day does not mean the temperature in a closed vehicle will not get unbearable....I was in a shop once and heard a frantic screaming commotion...turns out a woman had left her little poodle locked in her car and although the weather was cool outside, and the windows were cracked a bit, the sun came out. The poor little poodle overheated and died because the air inside the vehicle had still gotten too warm.
Please don't take the chance..it's not worth it...how would you ever forgive yourself.?.
This also goes for leaving an elderly parent in the car alone!
I came upon a gentleman who was sat alone in the passenger side of a vehicle ...he was quite distressed as he'd been left alone and had to go to the loo but felt he couldn't leave as the driver had taken the keys and the windows were left down.

On another note..., kidnappers can convince anyone that the parent has had an accident and they have been sent to get the child!...come up with a "safe word" that you and your child have decided on to know if the stranger is telling the child the truth.
The World is no longer a safe place...there are too many deviant people who are very good at what they do.

BTW, when my DH was 6 and his DSis was 4 they were left alone in the car for a "moment "...DH got bored, climbed over to the front seat and released the hand brake and off they went. Fortunately this was in the early 1950s when vehicles had giant bumpers and loads of interior padding so they weren't hurt.

@Namechange199x

Can I leave my 10 yrs old in the car for a quick small shop to Sainsbury’s? She hates going in with me and prefers to stay in the car. I always worry that if I leave her inside , some busybody will call police etc.. so I did not leave her yet. Also if I lock the car from outside, it starts beeping after few seconds if she inside??

Definitely not, sorry. You have zero idea how long the queues will be in there

@ThistleTits I believe MM wasn’t taken from a locked hotel room- which would have been far trickier- but an unlocked ground floor street-facing apartment.

BTW, @CindersCatsSister
You absolutely did the right thing! Thank you for caring enough to put yourself out...you took a good chunk of your day to help a stranger(child) in need.

If there were more people like you who cared about other's well-being, then the world would be a safer place.

I also really respect your decision to not speak to the mum about it...since she saw no wrong in doing it in the first place, it would not have gone down well anyway.
You'd have probably been cursed at and told to mind your own business.
I heard this appropos reply to MYOB!..."You've made it my business by doing this in public!"

Again, thank you for taking the time and effort to protect someone( the child) whom you didn't even know.

Oh, and BTW...don't let my supportive words go to your head since it is quite obvious that you were only taking 30 minutes out of your day so you could get accolades on MN..some people!🙄

@Cam2020

I don't know what's worse - parents leaving a child alone in a car or the people saying it's fine!

I'd feel compelled to stay but I'd also pissed off at the same time!

I'd go with people saying it's fine as they would obviously do the same. Does nobody remember the Laurence Fox incident (got a rap on the knuckles and he was only in the chemist), or the man in the US that went to work, forgetting his kid was in the car, and said kid died? The former shows it is definitely frowned upon, the latter shows it's dangerous and negligent

@headintheproverbial

*by which I mean 111

Not sure the NHS could help. It's 101

The law is quite clear on this. After PRECISELY 22 minutes you can claim the child as your own.

@Toomuchtrouble4me

The child may be older than they look and had probably got a phone if there’s an issue. The most disturbing thing would have been you staring. Mind your own business.

How on Earth could you know that the child is

• older
• "probably" has a phone

You have NO idea of any of that from the OP or anything else the OP has posted.

This post is purely engineered to give the OP a kicking. Stop it.

@Sudoku88

The child is safe, obviously not bothered and able to cope on their own in their own company. The parent knowing their own child well obviously felt it was ok to do this. The child is secure in the car.

Just leave it alone and get on with what you need to do.

"The child is secure in the car"

Wow..

Having lived in a hot country, my instant response was how incredibly dangerous it is to leave a kid in the car. Babies and children die every year when they are accidentally forgotten in a sun scorched car. It only takes a few minutes.

Then I realised my response was probably irrelevant in Britain in May. But it is important not to leave kids in the car on summer days. It gets way hotter in the car.

You did the right thing in staying OP but I agree that I still would have called the police afterwards.

Maybe the fact the child was so calm for the duration was because they were used to it because they’ve been left alone in cars for quite some time.

There was an incident near me once where a mother left her child in the car (he was about 7 years old) in a car park whilst she went into a nearby shop. Whilst there she had an issue with her heart and she collapsed, didn’t regain consciousness and was blue lighted to hospital without anybody having any idea there was a young child on its own in a car.

It wasn’t until her husband arrived at the hospital and asked where his son was that it all unravelled. By the time the police found the car the boy had been alone in there for almost 3 hours. It was a very scary story and one that’s never left me.

I have a 7 year old and I would never leave him in a car alone, never mind a younger child.

And as a previous poster mentioned above, it wasn’t that long ago in my area where a car was stolen with two young children in the back whose parent had left them in their alone whilst they’d popped into a shop.

The risks of these things happening are very low - but children are too precious to take those risks with.

You did the right thing to not address the mother as I’m sure that wouldn’t have done down well, but I still would have reported her so the police would speak to the mother and hopefully stop her from doing it again.

[quote Cccc1111]@SmidgenofaPigeon I understood all the words perfectly. Big chunks of it yeah understanding the concept of what was happening was totally fine.

But there were some of the bits about relationships etc that I understood the concepts on a really basic level. But found trying to fully follow the theme of those parts heavy going. But I just persevered through those, and tried, until it got back to concepts I could more easily understand again. Because through those big chunks of it I could easier follow, I really really enjoyed the story. It did take me quite a while to finish reading the book.

I know it’s a weird choice of book for a little kid to read, but I was born in the v early 80’s, parents were more lax in what they let their kids do or read back in those days![/quote]
Completely missing the original point of this thread.. I dont remember the exact age I started reading books, but do remember at age 8 my mum getting me an adult library card as I have read my way through pretty much everything in the library aimed at my age group and teenage area! I started with The Famous Five, Black Beauty, Thomas Hardy and Shakespeare, although I found those last two heavy going, ( and still do) My love was for sci fi and horror, and read everything I could get my hands on, Asimov, Heinlein, Stephen King etc! I was the one who got told off for reading under the desk at school during maths lessons! ( I still got very good grades though) Nowadays, my addiction at the tender age of 53 is Online Multiplayer games, and often I get told I am too old to be doing that even!

@Tessabelle74

I doubt a 4 year old can read for one, so I suspect the child is older than you think and if they're not distressed, it's not a hot day or in the middle of nowhere, then I really don't see the issue

OP put the work "read" in quotes and says it was a picture book. Entirely consistent with being around 4 or even younger. OP had no means of knowing how long the child had been left or would be left. What if she walked away and two minutes later the child did become distressed?

Jesus Christ, the posts on here are awful! IT IS NOT ACCEPTABLE TO LEAVE YOUR CHILD IN THE CAR ALONE UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES. call 101 this should not be up for questioning on here as the answer is an obvious one. Is this the state of parenting in the UK?

@JFD0201

Jesus Christ, the posts on here are awful! IT IS NOT ACCEPTABLE TO LEAVE YOUR CHILD IN THE CAR ALONE UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES. call 101 this should not be up for questioning on here as the answer is an obvious one. Is this the state of parenting in the UK?

It is the state of parenting.

There are people on this thread calling OP a "busybody", telling them to "mind your own business".

These are most likely the same people who are fine with it as they'll "only be a minute" (which proven from this OP, shows that one minute is actually 20 in reality).

There are folk on this thread who are fine with it but who bristle at the OP calling it out. Hence the personal attacks.

I agree - this is wrong, totally wrong and is negligence. But trying telling people this who think their car is a childminder and opportunity for 20 minutes peace.

Jesus Christ, the posts on here are awful! IT IS NOT ACCEPTABLE TO LEAVE YOUR CHILD IN THE CAR ALONE UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES. call 101 this should not be up for questioning on here as the answer is an obvious one. Is this the state of parenting in the UK?

@CindersCatsSister Good for you for waiting. 👏🏼 I wouldn't have been able to just walk away either. I would've definitely called 101 though. If the parents are not reprimanded they'll just continue to do it.
Posters on here calling you a busybody are ridiculous. If you had posted that you had left the child in the car and someone had confronted you, you would've been hung, drawn and quartered.