He's treating you like complete shit OP. I'm glad you're not putting him on the mortgage anyway. It's hard to see the truth when they've got you thinking about them every second of every day.
How do I go about xyz without him exploding because of course his reactions are nothing to do with him and entirely die to me to manage ?
I'll best remind him about xyz, otherwise when he forgets it'll be my fault because heaven forbid he should carry any mental load for anything at all ever .
When's the best time to mention xyz to avoid a scene because his behaviour is totally my responsibility ?
Maybe I should let xyz go, keep my thoughts feelings opinions to myself for an easy life its no fun arguing all the time .
Maybe xyz isn't that important, I'd rather not be shouted at I'll just do everything be everything he wants to the point I no longer really exist as my own person, to avoid it .
Let's just gauge what mood he's in now before I decide what to do next because he rules my life .
Oh gosh he's behaving like a wanker stressed and snappy, how can I calm him down because his emotions are to totally on me to manage and fix ?
I know I won't ask him to do anything or even hint at anything, I'll do it all myself, it's easier and it's fine because it's my only choice because he's made damn sure I've no other options that don't involve being yelled at . (It's not always yelling other forms of psychological abuse are available)
OP it's almost impossible to get your head fully straighted out whilst they're still in your orbit. They deliberately ensure you've no time to think by keeping all your attention on them. Its exhausting.
His phone response is typical of an abuser. "Oh she's thinking about something else, best bring her attention back onto me, whilst also taking this opportunity to squash her down further and train her that phoning me, or reminding me about stuff, isn't allowed."