To have reported my friend to CS

[annamilo]

Hi all,

I feel really bad about something.

I am going to have to change details so it doesn’t become obvious.
I was with a friend and she has a few children.
Whilst out with her, I witnessed her really whack one of her children across the head, I was shocked firstly by her hitting him but also by her doing it in front of me.
He was playing up a bit but no more than any other child does sometimes.
Afterwards, she gave him some extra medication for his ADHD so that he would be calmer.
Every time I hear her shout at her children she screams and threatens to “fucking batter” them, I’ve never had a conversation with her without her screaming at her children.
I mentioned this to someone as I was thinking about it a lot, once I mentioned it to this person I had to make the decision of what to do.
I decided to report her as I was so concerned by what I witnessed and thought, if she can do that in front of me, imagine what she could do when no one is there.
Was I wrong to have done this? What do I do if she asks if it’s me?
This incident happened around a month ago and I only reported her a few days ago.
Please give me advice as now I feel really bad for reporting her.
Thanks in advance

Oh and the reason I feel guilty is I don’t want the children to get taken away, I mean this for the children not the Mum although I accept if they were to be at further risk then that would be the best thing xx

@annamilo You definitely did the right thing. I find it very hard to speak up too, also because of PTSD and having an abusive parent. I understand why you didn’t. I mostly just wanted to say, giving extra ADHD medication is very dangerous. My son has ADHD and one morning my son and I were up very early and I gave him his medication after breakfast. I went upstairs for a shower and while I was busy my DH came downstairs and gave him his medication too! Not knowing that I’d already given it to him. We called 111 and were told to take him to A&E immediately. He was admitted for the day to have his heart monitored. So yes, it’s very serious and very dangerous. We did it once accidentally and the hospital took it very seriously. It even had to be reported to our health visitor even though it wasn’t done intentionally. I still feel guilty about it.

I think YABU, for feeling conflicted about what you've done.

- just this, didn't want to read and run.

My heart aches for these poor children. Whatever their mum has been through in her life to parent like this, she clearly needs help and intervention. You absolutely did the right thing to report directly. And you were very brave overcoming your own fears to do so. Thank you.

You did the right thing my lovely, please don't let the judgemental people on this thread get to you. You were very brave in reporting

Well done for speaking up, I also find it difficult to do that so I know how you must have been feeling. Don't beat yourself up about it, if anything the children will be grateful in years to come getting taken away from such a distressing situation

You saw hit and over-medicate her child. She didn't really give you much choice, so please don't feel guilty. I can see why you would be feeling torn though. I think it's easy for others to judge, but a difficult to thing to do.

Wow

@nimbuscloud what’s the wow for?

Why be friends with someone that is like this and intimidates you. Find some other friends OP.

@ftm202020 sorry what is that supposed to mean??

Thanks for replying to me personally, sorry I didn’t look at my emails before. I think that as someone who has survived the abuse you did your doing really well. People have no idea how a traumatic childhood can affect people unless they have had one or had a close friendship or worked with people who have suffered.

If anyone has made you feel judged don’t worry , they have no idea.

I wouldn’t feel guilty if the children are removed from her. It sounds like they need to be.

Hopefully a relative who can provide a safe environment will step up.

If you really care for your "friend" and her children, do the right thing and let her know what your concerns are and why you called cs. Hopefully, she and her children will get the help they need and maybe she will make some new real friends along the way

But the reality is that she will just make a note to hide what is going on from OP but otherwise will carry right on. If help is needed and is enough, then Social Services will provide it - they're not anxious to take children away, not least because it's very expensive.