To not say anything, pack our stuff and just go to my Mums

[BreadCrumbsAndSalad]

Because DH is being a total twat this evening.

He's been doing work on the house this weekend and is stressed with it but, as is usual for him, he takes that stress out on me.

Has a go at me for not helping enough (we have a very young baby) but then when I get baby to sleep and ask what I can do he yells at me because I 'wouldnt be able to do it anyway'. Slams doors, shouts about the house in general etc etc... I asked him nicely to calm down, he tells me to 'stop fucking telling him to calm down'.

AIBU to just quietly pack our stuff (me and baby) and just leave. I hate confrontation although I do tell him not to talk to me like that. He just gets so mad when he's stressed that you can't have a sensible conversation with him.

He's just nipped to the shop to get something he needs and I'm thinking of just not being here when he gets home.

[AprilFoolaround]

Glad you're away from the twat. Sadly he's unlikely to get better and will get worse. Please be careful.

[Lilymossflower]

Big big cheers and hurrahs to you op !
Just read that your at yours mum and so so glad to hear that.
Well done

[Badgerlock42]

Don’t go OP. He’s lost his temper because he’s stressed and in a bad mood.

Stop instructing other women to Handmaiden ffs @Livelovebehappy.
He lost his temper because he'd rather inflict his stress & bad mood on his wife, than deal with his own emotions like an adult.

Did you miss OP's very clear post about how he regularly uses her as a verbal punchbag, & undermines her by setting her up to fail, then shouts at her?

& as for this - It’s not something which should be done as a knee jerk reaction - you're pointing your finger in the wrong direction.

OP's reaction is a considered response to unacceptable behaviour.
Removing herself from the situation gets her away from undeserved bullying, & sends a clear signal that she will not tolerate any more of it.

The knee-jerker here is her DH, who seems unable to regulate his temper around his wife, who he likes to fly off the handle at to relieve his own stress.

[pallisers]

well done OP. Send him a text to say "I am not your emotional punching bag or your stress-reliever" and then turn your phone off.

[PrawnofthePatriarchy]

Very glad to hear it, BreadCrumbsAndSalad.

[Frazzled2207]

pleased you have gone. I would recommend minimal contact for a couple of days to give you both some space.
Please do have a long hard think about whether or not you want to remain in this relationship. I think it's fair to say however that a new baby has the potential to be a really rocky event in any relationship. Definitely was for us but we got through it. I didn't get sworn at though!

[Herecomesspring1]

@BreadCrumbsAndSalad

I'm a Mum's.

Good for you! How’s he taken it?

[LookItsMeAgain]

Has he noticed you're gone?

[YouKnowItsTrue]

Enjoy your evening with your mum OP and hood on you for not putting up with his shit.

He needs to have a word with himself and it sounds like you both could do with a break from each other.

[YouKnowItsTrue]

*good

[Cherrysoup]

And I echo, bet he doesn’t do this at work, with mates, his boss etc. He wouldn’t dare, because they’d bin him off/sack him. He’s an abuser. You need to really consider if you want your child growing up around him. Don’t be taken in by him swearing to change.

[pointythings]

Well done, glad you're out. This needs to be his wakeup call. His behaviour is completely unacceptable.

[Confiscatedfidgetspinner]

Agree with leaving a very brief note, but yes go. I’d then mute his messages for a while so you don’t get drawn into a debate.
Ah just seen you have- well done.

[Ihavehadenoughalready]

Mine did this "when stressed"; it turned out he was "stressed" approximately 365 days a year.

[Saltyslug]

Maybe stay a few days at your mums. Next time stay a week. Then next time a month.

[L0bstersLass]

@BreadCrumbsAndSalad

I'm a Mum's.

Well done!
Don't feel obliged to update here on the ongoing situation unless you need support.

[Youmakemewannashout]

Go to your mum’s but maybe leave a note saying that you’ll come back when he isn’t so bad tempered because he was upsetting you and the baby .

[TopBlogger]

She's there @Youmakemewannashout, been there for 3 hours

[Countrycode]

I started writing notes after each bad incident
a very useful tool, after each incident write down what happened and how you feel

I third this. I did the same. When they're nice and reasonable most of the time you think it's really not that bad. Then I'd look at my notes (and posts on here) and be like "ah, yes. It really is that bad."

[Userg1234]

Right I'm a man, a working class man, so expected to do jobs around the home. My wife likes to help. I have learnt not to expect her to know what a adjustable spanner is, but to explain or say no I don't need help.

In the past I have said I'm am getting frustrated with this job, please go out and see your mum and we will laugh when I've done it...8 hours one long walaper drop!

In other words it's him not you...I am far from a perfect husband but I know when it's about me not her

[numberoneson]

I agree with everyone who's told you "GO".

But frankly, even though you have a very young baby, I'd also urge you to think very carefully if you really want to ever go back. Your husband sounds like he has an anger problem; no respect for you, and is extremely immature. Life with him sound like it would be a penance rather than a pleasure.

[elfies]

Think of leaving permenantly if he continues like this . My father was like this , and remember as a teenager starting most sentences with 'don't think I'm arguing ..but' , knowing that if mum tried to defuse the situation he'd accuse her of 'taking sides' and sulk with us all for days .
My husband was horrified when we got together and encouraged me to dare to have an opinion .
Please don't bring up your child to think this is normal ,please .

[Miasicarisatia]

My children are in their thirties and if you were my daughter I'd be helping you to make a plan to get away from this man

[SunshineCake]

Don't be rushing to go back. He is horrible.

[DeeCeeCherry]

I can't stand rude people like that. Whenever they have a big task they need to scream & bawl at their partner to get through it. & look forever more excuses to do so for instance asking their partner to be involved somehow, so they can then moan on & on about partner messing things up etc.

I had an ex like that who moaned so much during eg decorating that I ended up doing it myself, rather than put up with his noise and irritation. It then occurred to me I didn't want or need him and his noise for anything so I dumped him and admit I took pleasure at how incredulous he was.