To not say anything, pack our stuff and just go to my Mums

[BreadCrumbsAndSalad]

Because DH is being a total twat this evening.

He's been doing work on the house this weekend and is stressed with it but, as is usual for him, he takes that stress out on me.

Has a go at me for not helping enough (we have a very young baby) but then when I get baby to sleep and ask what I can do he yells at me because I 'wouldnt be able to do it anyway'. Slams doors, shouts about the house in general etc etc... I asked him nicely to calm down, he tells me to 'stop fucking telling him to calm down'.

AIBU to just quietly pack our stuff (me and baby) and just leave. I hate confrontation although I do tell him not to talk to me like that. He just gets so mad when he's stressed that you can't have a sensible conversation with him.

He's just nipped to the shop to get something he needs and I'm thinking of just not being here when he gets home.

[NewlyGranny]

He's teaching you how he thinks he's entitled to act around you and the baby and you need to teach him what you expect of him by your response.

Don't be afraid to be clear; you are setting a pattern for your future together. Think about the promises you made to each other, whatever they were, and who is keeping them.

[MayorGoodwaysChicken]

@NewlyGranny

I wouldn't disappear, I'd text or leave a note saying you've removed yourself from a horrible atmosphere for a bit. Tell him to let you know when he's fit to be around again.

$64k question: does he kick off like this at work? Is he constantly getting warnings for abusive language and slamming around the place? Does he behave this way at his parents' house? In restaurants? At his mates' homes? If the answer to all these is no, he is clearly in control of his behaviour and deliberately choosing to subject you to the worst of himself. You need to consider what that means about how he sees you and why he gives himself permission to let rip with the two people he's supposed to love and cherish above all others. 🙄

Absolutely this, in spades. You need to decide fast, while your baby is still small enough not to be affected, whether you want better for yourself and your child than this. A loving and kind husband does not treat his wife and mother of his child as a verbal punch bag because he’s ‘stressed doing DIY’. Demand more. Show him that you have enough respect for yourself not to tolerate this shit. Scare him into realising you can leave him if you choose to and see where things go from there.

[roguetomato]

I would go, but leave a note. Otherwise he doesn't really understand that you left calmly after thinking, not of anger or overreaction.

[JMJTHEWEEDONKEY]

Also adding my voice in to say go with your baby.

I would leave him a note otherwise he will use that as an excuse to cause more added stress to you by likely involving police and/or showing up at your Mum's.

Be straight to the point in the note and keep it short.

You should never have someone treating you in this way. Particularly someone who you're meant to be in a relationship with and the fact that there is a child involved makes it even more shocking he sees you as someone to take things out on without a thought as to what it actually does to you.

Please be careful and watch out for any other patterns emerging as if he is going down this path he will start using other techniques as well that they are all so good at. Being prepared and informed as to what tactics he could use would be wise so that way he hopefully won't get inside your head as much as he would otherwise.

Please take care

[Shehasadiamondinthesky]

leave now and leave a note saying you've left him for good and your solicitor will be in touch.

[MrDarcysMa]

This is abuse op. Bet he doesn't talk to anyone else like that when he's 'stressed'.
I'd leave and wouldn't go back, wouldn't want my child to witness that

[PurpleRainDancer]

@Countrygirl2021

Please don't run off with his child.

Do go out for a nice walk / your mum's garden for the afternoon and tell him you are having some space then calmly discuss later how upset you were.

‘His child’ fucks sake give over.

[Jux]

I hope you're at your mum's having a nice quiet time without the stress and strife. Tomorrow, when he's calm you can have a conversation about how he behaves in future.

[Peachee]

Yes leave my poor mother in law is stuck in this situation and often comes to ours in tears about the way my father in law has spoken to her.. she has a miserable life treading on egg shelves.

[BlowDryRat]

Yes, go to somewhere where you're not being belittled and sworn at. You wouldn't accept it from a stranger in the street so you certainly don't need to suck it up from your baby's father!

[Miasicarisatia]

I would go, but tell him where you are, if you leave him to worry that would be retaliation, if he then retaliates things could escalate and get out of control.
Be the calm person and keep the moral high ground

[Peachee]

*shells

[EffYouSeeKaye]

@Miasicarisatia

I would go, but tell him where you are, if you leave him to worry that would be retaliation, if he then retaliates things could escalate and get out of control.
Be the calm person and keep the moral high ground

Agree with this. Although I’d give it half an hour or so...

[PumpkinPie2016]

Have you gone OP? I hope you're ok

[BreadCrumbsAndSalad]

Thanks. It's just so upsetting because he is so nice and lovely most of the time but he just cannot handle any stress in an appropriate way at all.

He was absolutely fine earlier on and then one thing doesn't quite go right, he gets frustrated with it and then that's it, anything I do or say is wrong, can't keep out of the way because that's wrong, can't help though either because that's wrong.

[PicsInRed]

Go and send him a text explaining that you've left due to xyz. Do it by text so you have a record you told him - so he cant claim he thought you are mentally unwell, erratic, might "do something" etc.

Make every communication as though a family court judge is reading it.

[BreadCrumbsAndSalad]

I'm a Mum's.

[violetbunny]

Does he only ever have outbursts like this towards you?
If he manages to keep it in around others (e.g. at work) then it's not an anger management problem.

[Orgasmagorical]

My ex was exactly the same in similar situations and he was also abusive in other ways.

I think you'd be perfectly reasonable to go to your mum's, BreadCrumbs. Take as much time as you need to think about what you want to do thereafter

[BlowDryRat]

Well done OP. He needs to apologise and take anger management classes.

[Orgasmagorical]

Crosspost - that's good to hear

[PumpkinPie2016]

I'm glad you got to your Mum's OP. This will either give him a kick up the arse to change his ways, or, you will be able to confirm for yourself whether you can stay with him.

We all get stressed but taking it out on others is unacceptable.

[Moonwhite]

Please don't run off with his child.

And yet if a woman posts saying her ex has their child and won't return them I bet you'd be like "He has every right as a parent, it's his child too..."

She's four months post partum and her partner is being a cunt. Of course she should leave if she wants to.

[FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop]

So pleased you're at your mum's OP. Are you ok?

[Moonwhite]

I would perhaps send a text so that he doesn't think you went out in the car and got into an accident. Better to not have a frantic person knocking at your DM's door. Let him know you're both fine but you need some space and some peace.