Adore our toddler Dd, had her late and waited a long time for her, but so miss our old life.
Most days are just a slog, hard work and with meltdowns. I usually wait for bedtime just to have a moment of peace. Even days out are pretty exhausting and just something to be got through. Of course there are lovely moments and I love her so much, but I was happier before overall 😥and I feel terrible saying that.
We live abroad so have no help at all, we’ve never been without her or on our own in almost 3 years.
Looking back, our life was a dream life. We’d wake whenever we wanted, have a leisurely breakfast, watch what we wanted on tv in peace, maybe head down to the beach, or we’d lounge around sunbathing in the garden, having lunch with wine and head to the beach for sunset and ocean swims.
Now, I generally get woken by a shouting Dd, complaining as she doesn’t sleep well. Dp and I rarely get on these days as it’s mainly about controlling Dd when she gets too hyper, we have no time for each other and are both exhausted. We can barely even talk to each other as Dd demands so much of our attention. She’s an amazing girl but has never slept well as she never wants to sleep. I now spend summer evenings May in bed trying to coax her to sleep whilst she jumps around.
I know I sound so awful, but our life before was so very different, filled with travel and leisure and love for each other, I cry at how much I miss that sometimes and then feel guilty.
I can’t believe how easy life was before kids.
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AIBU?
To miss my old life so very much
Eggyquiche · 09/05/2021 09:10
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@Eggyquiche I can't add on anything that hasn't already been said, but I would think you a bit odd if you DIDN'T feel like you do! Your life is upended when you have a child, and in the early years, it's hard.
We struggled for the first 6-8 months (very little sleep, baby waking for the DAY at 5am, and STILL having to go to work.) 25+ years ago, I only had 16 weeks maternity leave, so was back when she was 12 weeks old. (Finished 4 weeks before she was born.) And my GOD it was hard, working, and having a baby who woke at 5.30 am, and we had no help from anyone.
I did feel (several times) like 'I can't do this, I am permanently knackered.' Like you, we had no help from anyone, as we lived (at the time) away from family and friends. You do start to LONG for your old life back, but there's no going back! 
Then from 9-10 months old, life was lovely with her, she'd play and sing with us, and come with us to the park and the beach, and for picnics, and was an absolute ANGEL to be around. This was an amazing time. Until she hit 3 and a half years old. Then she turned into a little hellbat. Argumentative, whiny, non-stop talking (would always butt in when me and DH were trying to talk,) and just generally disruptive.
In fact it got SO bad that we just never tried to strike up a conversation when she was there. She went to bed early and went straight to sleep (often by 7pm,) so we had evenings together, but she would always wake by 5.30 a.m, 6 a.m tops. (We did put her to bed later a few times, like 8.30pm, but she still got up at 5.30-6am, but was crabby because she hadn't had enough sleep!)
She would moan and whine when we were out for a day trip/shopping trip, that she wanted to go home (often as soon as she had had what SHE wanted; toys, ice cream, time on the little fair, or the beach,) so we often had to cut short our day. It was just blimmin annoying!
However.... this lasted for about a year and a half, and when she hit 5, her going to school, coupled with entering another phase in her growth made her change again. She became fun to be with, lovely and chatty but not butting in all the time, she would be quiet while she watched a film, and would do jigsaws, and play board games and bake cakes with us, and draw and paint, and read with us, play video games, and go for walks with us, and she became a treat to be with.
The ages 5 to 11 years old were amazing, and we loved her company.
She went to secondary school then, but even between 11 and 16, although she made friends, and didn't interact as much with us then, those few years she was fine, and we still had good times with her, (daytrips, pop concerts, playing games, watching films, going for walks etc.) But we had problems (for some of those 4 or 5 years at secondary school,) with her and other girls falling out, and their mothers (school politics!!) And of course, the strain of exams! And this was all hard going. But life with HER was pretty good for that time. 
But then she hit 16 - and became a little teen demon. She hated everything me and her dad did, picked fault with us constantly, moaned about everything in our home, and how she wanted bigger and newer things, nothing was good enough, and she wanted to go to a uni as far away from us as possible, and avoided talking to us when she could. Annoyingly for her, her friends seemed to love us. It was like Kevin and Perry where Kevin loathes his parents, but his mate likes them and gets on with them!
Then when she went to uni, (at 18,) she didn't make a lot of contact and it was always us who made the contact first, she never remembered our birthdays, and always wanted money as she kept running out, and only rang us if she wanted supplies, or a lift back from uni!
Then........ she left uni 6 years ago, and now has her own home with her boyfriend, and a really good professional career. And she is now the loveliest kindest most wonderful human being, and she and me and DH are like best friends. We talk every day (on whatsapp, twitter, or the phone,) and we see her every 2 weeks, (obvs less during pandemic!)
We go for pub lunches, and coffees, and me and her go for shopping trips and day trips alone, as well as with her dad too, and her boyfriend. We live rurally, and 20 miles from her, and have said in the past year or so, as much as we love it here, we would like to move nearer to shops and train stations and doctors and suchlike in about 5 years. She even said (the other week,) that when we do, she wants us to move near to her, as she wants us close to her.
Funny, as she couldn't get far away enough when she started uni! 
She also comes to see us more, and buys lovely gifts for our birthdays and Mothers day and Fathers day, and Christmas, and our anniversary etc... She even sends flowers 'just because' as a lovely gesture to brighten our day. (We go see her too, just as often.)
Sorry for the long rabble. I just wanted to illustrate that it has its ups and downs having kids, but when they're grown, they're like your best friend. The best thing that has happened in my life is having our daughter. And DH feels the same. We love her so much. There's nothing we wouldn't do for her. And I believe she pretty much feels the same.
It's hard now, but my GOD you have so many good times ahead with her. And the good will outweigh the bad!
Sending you (((HUGS))) and flowers 
@Thewiseoneincognito
If you were truly at peace with your decision you wouldn’t feel compelled to gloat about your childlessness on a thread like this. But please know it is totally normal to be conflicted about whether or not to have children. But if you need to put others down in order to convince yourself you’ve done the right thing then you are clearly still in need of some soul searching around this issue, ideally with a good therapist. Being nasty to others is never going to fill the gnawing fear of regret that is clearly eating away at you. Best of luck
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Hi @Eggyquiche, I’m so sorry that this is a struggle at the moment. But over time, I’m sure things will get better. It must be incredibly difficult to do it all without help of family being around. Probably seems relentless!
I don’t have children - through choice. I knew that I’d really struggle with what you and so many others describe, although it was an incredibly difficult choice and I agonised over it. But you have been selfless and given yourself to a child. That is wonderful.
Sending positive vibes your way and for your DC to improve with their sleep very soon. I bet that might be a game changer.....
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