To think all men want is to be looked after?

[ssd]

I don't know how its taken me so long to realise this. I now think all men want is for us to look after them. I think I've been in denial, but finally admitted that tonight.
Dh looks after himself first. He's great round the house and does plenty. But he looks out for himself first, i notice this in lots of ways. I look out for the family first, it seems to be my default status. His is me first. I think most men will be like this, deep down. Thats why mn is full of posts from mums sick of doing the majority of household stuff.
I also realised tonight, if i died tomorrow, dh would be married within a year. It sounds strange to say that, but i know he likes to be looked after.

Of course they can. DH lived alone for 17 years before we met. Relatives and friends of mine have lived alone all their adult lives into their 70s plus.

Hence "generally". And I'll add that, generally, women who are widowed in older age and so live into their 70s etc alone cope with it better than men. Generally.

TheLastLotus Oh don’t worry, he gets a bollocking every single time. He is thoughtless and this isn’t good enough.

He has lots of good points, if he didn’t I would be long gone, but this thinking of himself and then just not thinking is ridiculous. Every time he tells me he didn’t do something deliberately I point out he didn’t deliberately ensure he remembered the coat or breakfast either.

Sounds like you’re the one who is codependent.

Not all men are like that. Tbh I know a few women who perfectly fit that description.

I guess it’s give and take. Sounds like you give too much and he takes too much and that’s been the dynamic forever.

No, most men are perfectly capable of looking after themselves. But once in a relationship, many woman decide its their job to mother the man and just do it.

Its like the threads when woman talk about buying all their dhs pants and socks, I always ask how did that start, dis he ask you to do it, did you tell him it was your job now and offer, or did you just do it without asking. So many woman seem confused at the idea this would be a conversation, they assumed it was their job just took over, without thinking if a man might be perfectly capable and prefer to pick his own.

Packing for holidays one is another that seems similar.

Nope my ex was insanely bad at being looked after and was always looking after everyone else even to the point of making himself overwhelmed.

I don’t know men like this who want to be looked after like a child. Yes, men do want someone who cares about them and will look after them when they are sick in bed. But I want that too? So I think it’s a human thing to want to be cared for when sick.

I also think many women compete on how selfless and martyr-like they are by taking control over most household things.

@MargosKaftan

No, most men are perfectly capable of looking after themselves. But once in a relationship, many woman decide its their job to mother the man and just do it.

Its like the threads when woman talk about buying all their dhs pants and socks, I always ask how did that start, dis he ask you to do it, did you tell him it was your job now and offer, or did you just do it without asking. So many woman seem confused at the idea this would be a conversation, they assumed it was their job just took over, without thinking if a man might be perfectly capable and prefer to pick his own.

Packing for holidays one is another that seems similar.

God this, yes.

I've never bought clothes from my dh outside of handful of posh underwear gifts. He can sort himself out.

Same with packing. I pack mine. If he forgets to pack something of his, his problem.

Sometimes it absolutely it the fault of the men and they are useless, but sometimes it's very much self inflicted by the women.

Oh and quality cotton tshirts. As a present