Is it abuse or not?

[bethmc93]

I’ve been with my partner for 3 and a half years. We have a baby together.

He speaks to me like shit, constantly calls me a dickhead or a fucking silly cunt or when he’s really annoyed im a fat ugly bastard. He takes money off me and never has his own money. He’s bankrupt me and I’ve had so many arrears with utility bills etc etc. He’s spat at me and hit me several times.

He doesn’t help with our son, won’t get a job and hasn’t ever taken me on any date or even to the cinema. His friends come first. I don’t get Christmas or birthday presents and my mum has to get me a card from my son for Xmas, birthdays and Mother’s Day.
He is so loving with everyone else yet speaks to me and treats me like shit.

Yet despite this he can be nice too. He can be loving and kind. I don’t even know what to call this relationship except a crap one.

Op this is definitely 100% abuse. I'm sorry but I've been through it myself and watched friends and family go through it too. My ex eventually went to prison for assaulting me out in the street one day after I finally had the courage to leave him.
It's easy for everyone to say leave .don't stand for it..you deserve so much better.
And you should leave and you really do deserve better...but first you have to believe it and be mentally prepared for things to get worse before they get better.
It's so hard but there is so much help out there. Please open up to your family and friends for support as I know I kept so much of it hidden for years.
I put up with so much as it was always my fault. He took me to Paris with my son and I will always remember him screaming at me there that I was a stupid fat ugly c.u.n.t and how everyone looked horrified around us.
Please reach out and get help ..that's the first step. I can tell you now from my own experience it's not you..it's them! And they won't change..they just change who they do it too.
I wish I had left at the first incident instead of how bad it did get. The police said I was very high risk and could also end up losing my child as he would choke me in front of him.
But it took a lot for me to leave. Everyone thought he was great and I lost a lot of so called friends over it.

It is an abusive one. It doesn’t matter if he CAN be loving inbetween, some abusers are the ‘loveliest’ ‘kindest’ people inbetween. Please get help to leave

I hope you’re okay and safe @bethmc93.

Omg. Please leave. He sounds vile.

First of all, it's abuse plain and simple. You're his punch bag and it won't stop.
Second, 18 % think this lady is being unreasonable? Really?