Is it abuse or not?

[bethmc93]

I’ve been with my partner for 3 and a half years. We have a baby together.

He speaks to me like shit, constantly calls me a dickhead or a fucking silly cunt or when he’s really annoyed im a fat ugly bastard. He takes money off me and never has his own money. He’s bankrupt me and I’ve had so many arrears with utility bills etc etc. He’s spat at me and hit me several times.

He doesn’t help with our son, won’t get a job and hasn’t ever taken me on any date or even to the cinema. His friends come first. I don’t get Christmas or birthday presents and my mum has to get me a card from my son for Xmas, birthdays and Mother’s Day.
He is so loving with everyone else yet speaks to me and treats me like shit.

Yet despite this he can be nice too. He can be loving and kind. I don’t even know what to call this relationship except a crap one.

He’s a bad guy.

Really out him out the house.

Op - can you talk to women’s aid? They should be able to give you advice about housing and your tenancy. Good luck. It sounds like a relationship you really need to get out of. Xx

Hi I’ve spoken to women’s aid and they’ve also said quite serious abuse.
He’s been out since 4 so I’ve had a good time with DS and his new ball pit. Just hope he doesn’t get back and start anything cos I’m just not in the mood.

Women’s Aid have said they can refer me for a refuge when I’m ready and will also speak to Shelters free legal team regarding rent liability if necessary but I’m hoping it won’t come to that.

That is AMAZING!! Well done you.

Huge huge massive stepmom the right direction.

You deserve more and you’ll get more.

Well done for taking that first step. Would it be possible for you and your son moving temporarily in to your mums whilst you make plans to get him out of the house? He sounds like he wouldn't last five minutes living alone. As hard as this process will be, just think if you start it now the worst could be over in a few months leaving you free to start your degree in September. Your future with him his terrible but without him you have the opportunity to have a fantastic life.

Well done

You poor thing

I remember when my ex the fcke- was abusing me
I had no clue what was happening
Was it real ? Etc

Please follow everything WA say to you
They know what to do

Stay safe
Stay calm

Scum like this kick off when they think you will up and leave

So sorry he has done this to you 😡😡😡😡

Well done OP. Amazing first step. If you feel up to it and it will help please keep us updated.

Thank you everyone. Glad it’s not just me with the confusion. He’s already hit me tonight so I’m waiting on tomorrow to see if I can take anymore steps.
Hopefully this process is quick. I don’t know how much more I can take.

Oh Beth. Didn't want to read and run, and wish we could just scoop you out of there.

Are you okay?
Whats your next step?

Can you call the police and get him removed from your house tonight OP?

Im not thinking forward for the police if I’m honest. I’m swinging more towards fleeing. It’s 5am and I’m awake after being punched and spat at.
I sent a message to his dad saying he either gets him out of my house or the police are being called as he’s been allowed to just do this to me. We will see what tomorrow brings

Beth, please call the police. They can protect you and your son.

I’m just abit worried about fleeing. It’s all so final. Like that’s it I’ll never see him again. I don’t know why I want to but there’s a lot of 5am thoughts going on. I will call them if I feel like I need to x

You poor thing, you or anyone should not be treated like this. Do you want your child growing up seeing this? He is not nice,if he loved you or was a nice person he wouldn't do it. You need to get away from him,you deserve a better life,please get help.

It's assault when he hits you, if he did that to someone in the street he would get arrested.

Protect your son from growing up thinking assault to women is normal.

Get a bag, take your son, take your phone and go to safety- your family/friends/police then from there call women’s aid, they can support you with next steps

Yes he needs to go, for you’re own well-being (physically, mentally, emotionally) and also for your sons well-being , he will grown up thinking this so the way to treat women’s and that’s something you need to immediately change.

I feel abit more relaxed today. Picturing me and DS in a refuge is making me feel more at ease.

@Dipi79

Is this post for real?!

Nope. Not 1 bit.

Starts off with verbal & financial abuse in the OP, then escalates to physical abuse within hours and after 4 years the OP decides to flee thanks to a mn thread.

There's been alot of these recently.

Wish it weren’t real but unfortunately is. I’ve not decided to do anything. I’m just thinking about it as I’ve never done this before.

Op yes it is abuse and you deserve so much better, as does your son. Please look into the freedom program it's a free course you can do online which is about the different type of abusive behaviours and can help you recognise what he is and how you got there.just Google it

There's a lot of help out there if you want it xxx

Would you treat your child like he treats you? Of course not because it is abusive. I really despair at these posts. This isn't even subtle its really really obvious abuse.

We're so sorry to hear you're going through this, OP.
We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged to us we like to link to our web-guides, which we hope may be helpful. If you'd like to, please do feel free to take a look at our Domestic Violence page.
www.mumsnet.com/webguide/domestic-violence
Best wishes,
MNHQ

I left with 3 black bin bags of possessions and never looked back and since the day I left I haven't once thought about that poison or missed him.. It's like someone severed a nerve the minute I left him. I can't tell you how much better your life will be. You don't need me to tell you.. But this man will kill you if you don't leave.