To expect men to take a genuine interest in me?

[JadedStrumpet]

Separated from DH for 18 months. I've been out on a few dates with a couple of guys in the last six months. Slow going obviously due to covid.

Guy 1 messages me yesterday asking how I am. I told him I was ill with a bad throat infection and my DC have it as well. He replies telling me all about some issues he has at work. Makes no reference at all to the fact I've just said I'm unwell.

Guy 2 also messaging last night. We get chatting about when he separated from his ex. He's talking about it and I'm responding. I'm asking questions but also mentioning bits and pieces about my own separation. He answers my questions but totally fails to comment on anything I'm saying about my own experiences.

Both conversations left me feeling really deflated. I then spoke to a good friend of mine who told me not to take it personally and its just what men are like AIBU for expecting a guy who alleges to be interested in me to actually take a real interest? Last night I wanted to say to them both "Do you realise you're not taking any notice of anything I'm saying about myself?"

It's just SO exhausting!

@WorkWorkAngelica Perhaps it is a perfectly acceptable response. I just know every woman I've told it too wants to know how she met him, what he's really like in real life etc. I'm a curious person so I would want to know as well if someone told that anecdote to me.

Maybe that's just it, curiosity? These guys don't have it. They are happy to talk (about themselves lol) and mutual interests like films, music etc. But when it comes to moving things to a deeper level it's a one way street and my car is the only one with a driver

@JadedStrumpet
What do you actually mean when you say “moving things to a deeper level “, how would you quantify that ?

My friend is brilliant at the 'two way 'conversations. That's why we are friends as it is a 'two way street' and we both listen to each other.
Not many around like her though!

For me it is a curiousity thing to an extent. Whilst I'm curious (fascinated!) by people and truly care for them, I was raised to believe that questions were essentially an invasion of privacy. I am often taken aback by what I see as over-sharing or personal questions that others obviously think are normal conversation...

Normal person so where were you on holiday, Angelica?
Inwardly how very dare you!

Probably doesn't apply to these guys particularly, more just reflecting on my own behaviour.

I'm just realising I'm totally focusing on myself in my answers and I AM one of those people 😂

There's being nosy and there is taking an interest ! Two different things.