To expect an exception for bf baby?

[PatchItUp]

I have a 2 month old baby who is exclusively breastfed. Today I’ve got a hairdressers appointment for the first time in months and I’ve been really looking forward to it. I’m having cut and colour so may be a few hours. I’d expressed some milk and my DH is going to try giving him a bottle for the first time.

I mentioned when I arrived that this was the situation and that if he refused the bottle, my DH would bring the baby in to be fed then take him away again. I’ve done this in a different hairdressers with my older children before with no problem.

The receptionist said there was a no children policy and therefore I wouldn’t be able to bring him in. I was a bit shocked and reiterated that he is very young, exclusively bf and couldn’t be left hungry if he wouldn’t take the bottle. She said she would check with the hairdresser.

Hairdresser came and said much the same thing - no child policy, if we make an exception for you we have to make one for everyone and customers will complain. I said again that I understood a no child policy to prevent toddlers running around or making noise but this would be a small baby coming in for a feed and then out again. She said she would check with the manager.

Manager heard and said from across the room ‘there’s nowhere for you to go’. By this point all the customers are listening and I felt really conscious and upset about being argued with by three different members of staff. I was fairly sure that this was illegal refusal of services but not totally confident so I said ‘I don’t need to go anywhere, he’ll just be on my lap, have a feed then go again’. They all again said it’s company policy, they can’t make any exceptions. The manager said ‘what’s the percentage chance he’ll need to come in?’ And one of the women said ‘there’s a good chance he’ll just take the bottle so why not take the risk?’ I replied I couldn’t take the risk that he wouldn’t take it and would be left screaming and hungry and not allowed to come in.

Eventually the manager reluctantly agreed that he could be brought in if necessary but it was clear they were really unhappy about it and it’s soured the experience for me massively.

When I checked on my phone it seems they’re acting illegally in refusing services to a breastfeeding mother, although I guess they could argue it’s down to chemical hazards (although this wasn’t mentioned at any time as a reason).

So - was I being unreasonable? And would I be unreasonable to complain later on?

I know some people will say I should have just left but my hair is such a state!! And I’ve been really looking forward to having it cut and having a few hours to myself.

The baby himself is absolutely no increase in risk because he never goes anywhere or sees anyone that I don’t go or see. To all intents and purposes in terms of covid risk we are one person.

I'm sure this has been addressed, but have done a quick search and not seen it - while this is generally true (and is the approach I've taken with DD2), it's not the case here as you were presumably wearing a mask.

YABU.

I was a single parent with young dc and no one to leave them with and I didn’t have a haircut for nearly six years - other than diy with my kitchen scissors.

Why is going without haircuts for six years a good thing? Don't you think it would be better to foster a more child friendly society?

@Viviennemary

Imagine if some hair dye dripped into the baby's eye.

Ffs What an overactive imagination

@ThankYouHunkyJesus

They can't legally refuse you service solely on the account of you breastfeeding. Id take my business elsewhere and tell everyone that you were discriminated against. Can't believe what a bunch of twats have replied to you here. You're legally entitled to breastfeed wherever the fuck you want.

This x100

You should have asked at the time of booking, then made your choice.

I have also fed whilst having may hair cut (and washed) and it wasn't an issue - DC2 was 3 weeks old at the time. But I did ask prior to booking and would have gone elsewhere had they said no, rather than have complained.

I have never had hair dye drip on my lap in twenty five years (bloody hell) of highlights.

@Lemonelderflower

Chamelon 4 month old ds has just zonked out on my shoulder after guess what - a bottle of cow and gate

I reject breast is best and I favour choice is best.

But that has to be true choice.

Not “I desperately wanted to breastfeed but I couldn’t because “

It’s a really thorny and deep issue to unpick though! I mean, even if someone wishes they were able to bf but wasn’t able to for whatever reason, that doesn’t mean that moving to formula wasn’t the right choice for them or the most preferable outcome. There are many women with insufficient supply who are physically incapable of EBF. Just as there are women who’d love to combo feed and pump but whose babies refuse bottles. I don’t think it’s possible to say on a population level what number of women would have continued bf with the right support, not when reasons for moving to formula are so numerous and involve many factors such as support, knowledge, resources, finances, time, physical and mental health etc.

I think it is just a risky avenue to go down talking about how it must be a true choice, it’s too complex, society simply can’t provide every last element that would make bf possible for someone who wanted to continue. And often when pro bf people talk about a ‘true choice’ they’re implying that if only there were support in place and education, everyone would manage to bf. It just isn’t physically, mentally or practically possible for everyone and we definitely need to be more aware of the fact that for a lot of people formula feeding is a positive choice rather than any kind of failure.

Sorry for being a bit snippy earlier, it’s a matter that is close to my heart! But it’s nice to see someone else who is pro breastfeeding be pro fed is best ❤️

Can't believe what a bunch of twats have replied to you here.

Oh, I can. They all come out to play on threads like this.

I suspect if anything had gone wrong (and there are a number of things that could have) then they wouldn't have been covered by insurance so I can understand why they'd refuse.

I wouldn't mind a baby in the hairdressers but I would be very ticked off to have my appointment delayed because you'd needed 20 mins to feed. I have to go to great lengths to arrange child and dog care.

YABU to book at a child free salon assuming they’d make an exception as you’re bf!

Hair salons aren’t safe places for tiny babies to be fed; is the stylist meant to go on cutting and dying your hair or stop and hold up her next client while baby feeds? (And newborns feed for 45mins sometimes!) what about all the fumes and chemicals?

What if you were having your hair washed or under a heat lamp to set the colour and DH came in wanting you to have the baby? Would your DH stand there with the screaming baby who won’t take expressed milk in a bottle until you could sit up and feed? Then stand there waiting for you to hand baby back?

Can you see why that might irritate people wanting a child free relaxing salon experience?

It’s discriminatory to stop a mother bf in public or places like restaurants and shops where babies are allowed in the first place. It’s not discriminatory to say she can’t bring her bf baby into a child free zone like a salon or spa, being breastfed doesn’t mean the infant is exempt!

I breastfed for 3+ years, I left baby with DH and bottles of expressed milk (yes they can be taught to feed from a bottle without nipple confusion, so I can see why the salon owner was confused!) If yours will only take breast you either wait until baby can take both and can be left with someone the whole time you’re in the salon, or you find a salon that doesn’t mind you feeding in the chair, that allows kids, that has a child friendly policy.

[quote PatchItUp]@BonasthatBonas so I shouldn’t have my hair cut for as long as I’m breastfeeding?

I promise not to complain if my baby accidentally swallows my hair [/quote]
Why can't you have a mobile hairdresser come to your home? Thats what I do as I cant take my twins in and noone wants to look after them and I don't want to waste a Saturday sat in a salon.

Hairdressers are relaxing now? What with all the chatting, radio, heat and hairdryers going off? It's hardly the quiet room in a spa, is it?

But seriously though, I think that even if the hairdresser was accommodating about the baby, the baby may massively kick off and not feed well anyway due to the noise and heat. The best thing will be to make sure that the baby takes the bottle ok well before you go...then you can chill out more and have a nice break yourself.

Stop being so precious, baby will be fine drinking expressed milk from a bottle.

But some babies really will reject bottles. That’s part of the OP’s problem. She can’t rely on her baby taking one. I had to have surgery unexpectedly at 4 months PP and my baby point blank refused to take a bottle. It was awful and extremely stressful for my husband. Or do you just mean that the baby won’t starve to death in the time it takes for her to get her hair done?

For what it’s worth, missing a breastfeed can impact on your supply in early months. It can also put mothers at risk of blocked ducts and mastitis. Some mothers can’t get anything out when they pump. And sometimes mothers are advised to to introduce bottles if they’ve had a difficult start as it can lead to the baby preferring the bottle to the breast.

It’s off topic really but I just hate it when people describe women wanting to feed their babies as ‘precious’ or ‘militant’ or whatever. Breastfeeding is very individual and you don’t get to tell other people what will or won’t work for them.

My hairdresser is like @LondonStone in that, because of Covid and keeping people safe, she's having to have just one person in the salon at a time with a gap of 10 minutes to get everything wiped down ready for the next person.

I think, even though she has a two year old and a nine year old herself, she'd probably have the same policy at the moment. If you're having highlights or a perm it has to be washed off at a particular point. If that's the point that baby arrives and it takes 10 minutes for a feed that's eating into her appointment time with you. Which means she's then rushing to clean the salon or her next customer is waiting outside.

Under normal circumstances she's really accommodating - we've had toddlers come in for a cuddle with mum because they couldn't settle, teenagers popping in to 'ask mum' if it's OK if they do something. But not now. She just can't have things that impact on her time, her ability to finish the appointment on time or other people just 'popping in'.

I couldn’t make myself get exercised about a baby coming in to a hairdressers if I was there but it really isn’t discrimination and it’s a bit precious to suggest otherwise.

@stackthecats...I'm not in the uk...brexit was not a reason for calling th op unreasonable. People are allowed their own opinions. I gave mine, so did many others. Just because you dont agree, no need to push your opinions on different posters is all..

@PatchItUp More likely than not it would coincide with this.

You have absolutely no idea if this would be the case and neither does the hairdresser. If you could guarantee baby would feed at X time where you’re just sitting waiting you would’ve just said to hairdresser can I pop out to DH in the car to feed the baby for 15 and had no need for your entire OP or the debacle of accusing the hairdressers of illegal activity. I hope you are not still planning to complain to them after your appointment just because you failed to research their policies and failed to adequately prepare care for your baby during the appointment.

baby will be fine drinking expressed milk from a bottle

Plenty of bf babies will not do this, no. I know from bitter experience.

No it's not a risk bf a baby in a hairdressers, a bit of hair dye is not industrial radiation

You realise that hairdue can be really dangerous? That's why salons are supposed to do a patch test 48 hours on anyone having a colour. Imagine the OPs 8 week old baby gets hairdye dripped on them, it burns the skin, who do you think the OP is going to blame? Why would you even take the risk?

YABU.

Yeah YABU. In the nicest way possible, your baby isn’t their problem.

@PatchItUp

Thanks for replies so far, it’s interesting to see the opinions. I really find it surprising how many people would be livid about a baby coming in to a room, sitting on my lap to be fed for 15 minutes, then leaving. He’d obviously be silent for the 15 minutes it takes to feed him. How would that impact on anyone else’s haircut experience?

Well if it's a hairdresser that particularly has a "no children" policy then presumably some people go there to enjoy a child free space.

Just go to a different hairdresser that allows children?

chameleon it’s really unusual for women not to provide enough milk, though. More often than not the pattern is that a baby loses more than 10% of his birth weight and there are all sorts of reasons for this and formula is introduced but some babies really won’t take to the breast after formula milk. Mine didn’t.

I am honestly passionate about women choosing to feed how THEY want and how best suits THEM but I do feel at times this is a luxury formula feeding mums have and breastfeeding mums don’t. And that’s because bottle feeding is so ‘normalised.’