To expect an exception for bf baby?

[PatchItUp]

I have a 2 month old baby who is exclusively breastfed. Today I’ve got a hairdressers appointment for the first time in months and I’ve been really looking forward to it. I’m having cut and colour so may be a few hours. I’d expressed some milk and my DH is going to try giving him a bottle for the first time.

I mentioned when I arrived that this was the situation and that if he refused the bottle, my DH would bring the baby in to be fed then take him away again. I’ve done this in a different hairdressers with my older children before with no problem.

The receptionist said there was a no children policy and therefore I wouldn’t be able to bring him in. I was a bit shocked and reiterated that he is very young, exclusively bf and couldn’t be left hungry if he wouldn’t take the bottle. She said she would check with the hairdresser.

Hairdresser came and said much the same thing - no child policy, if we make an exception for you we have to make one for everyone and customers will complain. I said again that I understood a no child policy to prevent toddlers running around or making noise but this would be a small baby coming in for a feed and then out again. She said she would check with the manager.

Manager heard and said from across the room ‘there’s nowhere for you to go’. By this point all the customers are listening and I felt really conscious and upset about being argued with by three different members of staff. I was fairly sure that this was illegal refusal of services but not totally confident so I said ‘I don’t need to go anywhere, he’ll just be on my lap, have a feed then go again’. They all again said it’s company policy, they can’t make any exceptions. The manager said ‘what’s the percentage chance he’ll need to come in?’ And one of the women said ‘there’s a good chance he’ll just take the bottle so why not take the risk?’ I replied I couldn’t take the risk that he wouldn’t take it and would be left screaming and hungry and not allowed to come in.

Eventually the manager reluctantly agreed that he could be brought in if necessary but it was clear they were really unhappy about it and it’s soured the experience for me massively.

When I checked on my phone it seems they’re acting illegally in refusing services to a breastfeeding mother, although I guess they could argue it’s down to chemical hazards (although this wasn’t mentioned at any time as a reason).

So - was I being unreasonable? And would I be unreasonable to complain later on?

I know some people will say I should have just left but my hair is such a state!! And I’ve been really looking forward to having it cut and having a few hours to myself.

I used to work in exam invigilation and every week we'd have people contacting and claiming discrimination because they weren't allowed to bring their breastfed baby into the exam. A complete lack of understanding that their perfect little bundle of joy had the capacity to distract other people and affect their experience.

The simple truth is that you have a choice whether or not to go to the hairdresser at all, it's not mandatory, you then have additional choices over which hairdressers you use and which services you purchase.

You could have picked a family friendly establishment, you could have chosen a quick cut and blow dry.

You didn't.

@PercyPiginaWig

There is a difference between not allowing you to breastfeed if they would allow bottle feeding on the premises, and having a no child policy.

If there is a no child policy, then YABU.

The time to ask was when you made the appointment as they then could have (for example) offered you a very early or late appointment if they were willing to be flexible with their policy.

A place that doesn't allow children at all is not discriminating. They may well have customers that go there for that very reason.

On a practical note feeding your baby would potentially increase the appointment length when timings are tight and impact on other customers. Even if you say carry on they may not wish to.

I am hugely pro breastfeeding but I think we need to separate out what is actually discrimination and what is not, in order to secure the rights for breastfeeding mums that are available in other countries with higher breastfeeding rates.
Anywhere that suggests a woman goes to the toilet to feed or is not allowed to breastfeed just because of the method of feeding her baby deserves to be vilified.
That doesn't sound like the case here.

Sorry to quote a long message but WELL SAID.

I don't think that you are being unreasonable. Could you get someone to do your hair at home one evening? I am not sure when that is allowed, but soon I'd imagine? That would be much more relaxing than worrying about having to get your baby in for a feed.

Maybe you should get a mobile hairdresser to come to yours OP? Then you could breastfeed?

I agree that it a rule is a rule then that’s that

Of course YABU. Covid restrictions are still in place and the hairdresser is following guidelines.

maybe it is tough but I am also allowed an opinion and think it would be wrong and could impact on the other staff members , but to people like yo they don't count
Im still not convinced a work place has to allow your baby on the premises to be fed though as in many environments that would be dangerous and also unprofessional if customer facing etc

You're being very unclear Worried.

You can think what you want, but you are wrong. The legislation protects b/f women, for very good reason.

What do you mean, 'to people like yo [sp] they don't count'? If you mean that I'm unconcerned about other employees, in very rare case a baby needs to be brought to the workplace to be fed, then you are right. It won't affect them. It would affect the baby not to be fed.

And you need to be convinced - yes, a baby can be fed at a workplace. It's not a common scenario, due to the provision of maternity leave.

It's so depressing to see women decry rights for women.

I agree that it a rule is a rule then that’s that

Read the thread. It's a rule that is not supported legally.

@Lemonelderflower but that isn't what you said , you said they had a tight to bF at work when they wanted so what if baby is fed in demand , that isn't practical.
And this is an a opinion based website mostly and my opinion is that it isn't fair on other employees if someone had their baby brought in every hr
Now most of us are sensible and wouldn't do this as we would consider our colleagues , but then a good majority wouldn't take our baby to the hairdressers to feed either , as shown on here

So their rules are fine with you as long as they don't apply to you?

It's not discrimination.

YABU.

Some harsh comments here. I think YANBU. I’d go to another hairdressers.

@EarringsandLipstick but women bf until 5 or 6 maternity leave doesn't give you that long off , most of us would consider our colleagues and most if us prepare out babies feeds to not coincide with work etc but what if lots start not doing this as they have a right
The disruption to the business and others is also of importance
Everyone is quoting the law but it is not as clear cut as you make out I don't think I can walk into a nightclub my baby and start feeding them
Also the salon did agree in the end so its pretty mute overall

[quote worriedatthemoment]@Lemonelderflower but that isn't what you said , you said they had a tight to bF at work when they wanted so what if baby is fed in demand , that isn't practical.
And this is an a opinion based website mostly and my opinion is that it isn't fair on other employees if someone had their baby brought in every hr
Now most of us are sensible and wouldn't do this as we would consider our colleagues , but then a good majority wouldn't take our baby to the hairdressers to feed either , as shown on here[/quote]
Oh honestly. You're being ridiculous.

How many more times do you need to hear this?

Yes, a baby can be fed at work, if required. Thankfully in most (not all) countries, maternity leave ensures mothers are not likely to be at work when a baby is solely relying on breast milk & feeding that regularly (tho sadly, the US still places many mothers in this position)

Why do you keep bashing the same inaccurate drum? It doesn't matter what you think. The law is there.

@HalfShrunkMoreToGo but according to many on here that is discrimination and the law would allow it

Everyone is quoting the law but it is not as clear cut as you make out I don't think I can walk into a nightclub my baby and start feeding them

Once again, you can

In practice, yes, mothers often choose not to do things due to personal choice. That's fine.

I wouldn't have wanted to b/f my baby at work, or express. I was able to feed them before & after work. My choice.

But if I wanted to, the legislation protects this. Rightly.

Your opinion is just that - and is wrong.

(The rest of your post is incomprehensible).

YANBU. Ridiculous “computer says no” scenario. Agree with people like @Trixie78. Don’t get drawn into trying to figure out if it’s illegal, yes it wasn’t supportive of breastfeeding culture and creating pro bf environment, but that’s difficult to define in legal sense. I’d ignore most of the replies here, AIBU can be very rule focused, I wouldn’t go to a business that was so unaccomodating. Can’t believe the comparisons people are making to NHS scenarios to make you feel awful - totally different risks, impact, restrictions and necessities.

[quote worriedatthemoment]@HalfShrunkMoreToGo but according to many on here that is discrimination and the law would allow it [/quote]
The law would.

However, it would not be without possible penalty for the mother in question. The mother was absolutely entitled to be supported to breast feed. It would be the mother's choice whether she felt able to do the exam, with what that would entail.

@FilthyforFirth

My god you are being so unreasonable. Why do your needs trump everyone elses? A haircut is a luxury not a necessity and as a private business they can set whatever rules they want.

I would be so mad if my baby free time (I just stopped bfing my 6 month old) was invaded like this. You arent the only one who has been waiting months

God, and they say child free women are judgemental! Why even have a baby if you would be "so mad" at "being invaded" that you can't be in the same room as someone else's.

By penalty, I don't mean by the exam body. I just mean the practical challenge for the mother.

But yes, legally, they can breast feed.

so I shouldn’t have my hair cut for as long as I’m breastfeeding
Not in a place that doesn’t allow children, no. Nothing to do with BF.

@EarringsandLipstick how can you not understand the rest of the post ? And like I said the law is not as clear cut as you make out other factors would also be looked into if it actually went to court.:
So I have dyslexia and made a few spelling mistakes so my post makes no sense apparently to you , discrimination works in lots of ways

YANBU, what an awful place!

It's so depressing to see women decry rights for women.

What @EarringsandLipstick said. At this point the legislative framework is there but it sounds like it’s women such as the hairdressers and managers and commenters here saying “well I wouldn’t ...” holding it back. Breastfeeding women can go about normal life, they don’t need to stay away on mat leave or hide away.

And like I said the law is not as clear cut as you make out

It is.

Sorry that you refuse to accept it, but you are wrong.

@EarringsandLipstick and in the exam situation what about the other people in there if the baby was crying etc ? Maybe the law is allowed exemption on this as I am sure there are exceptions
When you read it , it doesn't state every scenerio and I am sure exam centres also get guidance

I'm as pro breast-feeding as they come but I still think you are being unreasonable.

My main concern would be having a small baby in that environment. I find the smell of the chemicals very unpleasant when I walk into a hairdresser and someone is having their hair coloured. I would hate to expose a baby to that.

Like others, I can't understand why you haven't prepared for this by trying a bottle earlier, but in your shoes I would ask my husband to drive the baby to the hairdresser at a pre-arranged time when you know you will be waiting for the colour to take, and then go out to the car to feed the baby, leaving the window open so that the smell wasn't so strong.

Even better would be to have quick cut this time and leave the colour until the baby is older.