To expect an exception for bf baby?

[PatchItUp]

I have a 2 month old baby who is exclusively breastfed. Today I’ve got a hairdressers appointment for the first time in months and I’ve been really looking forward to it. I’m having cut and colour so may be a few hours. I’d expressed some milk and my DH is going to try giving him a bottle for the first time.

I mentioned when I arrived that this was the situation and that if he refused the bottle, my DH would bring the baby in to be fed then take him away again. I’ve done this in a different hairdressers with my older children before with no problem.

The receptionist said there was a no children policy and therefore I wouldn’t be able to bring him in. I was a bit shocked and reiterated that he is very young, exclusively bf and couldn’t be left hungry if he wouldn’t take the bottle. She said she would check with the hairdresser.

Hairdresser came and said much the same thing - no child policy, if we make an exception for you we have to make one for everyone and customers will complain. I said again that I understood a no child policy to prevent toddlers running around or making noise but this would be a small baby coming in for a feed and then out again. She said she would check with the manager.

Manager heard and said from across the room ‘there’s nowhere for you to go’. By this point all the customers are listening and I felt really conscious and upset about being argued with by three different members of staff. I was fairly sure that this was illegal refusal of services but not totally confident so I said ‘I don’t need to go anywhere, he’ll just be on my lap, have a feed then go again’. They all again said it’s company policy, they can’t make any exceptions. The manager said ‘what’s the percentage chance he’ll need to come in?’ And one of the women said ‘there’s a good chance he’ll just take the bottle so why not take the risk?’ I replied I couldn’t take the risk that he wouldn’t take it and would be left screaming and hungry and not allowed to come in.

Eventually the manager reluctantly agreed that he could be brought in if necessary but it was clear they were really unhappy about it and it’s soured the experience for me massively.

When I checked on my phone it seems they’re acting illegally in refusing services to a breastfeeding mother, although I guess they could argue it’s down to chemical hazards (although this wasn’t mentioned at any time as a reason).

So - was I being unreasonable? And would I be unreasonable to complain later on?

I know some people will say I should have just left but my hair is such a state!! And I’ve been really looking forward to having it cut and having a few hours to myself.

@BuggerBognor

People can YABU all they like but that’s how it is. That’s why there are laws in place about it.

Please do point me to the law which compels a business to admit a nursing mother in all circumstances. Or stop talking utter tripe.

They have the right to run their business as they please - anybody who doesn’t like it can expose their infant to peroxide fumes elsewhere.

The equality act 2010. This includes any public place. I don't think a company's own policy trumps the actual law.

@CocktailOnion

Given the people are receiving cancer diagnosis alone (including teenage children) due to covid protocols, I would fully expect a hair do appointment to be taken alone , adding a baby and dh fetching and collecting baby is 3 people in the salon when there only needs to be one.

Exactly!

So also can a mum at work have her baby brought in to be bf every couple hrs ?

Yes.

Except maternity leave exists to prevent this usually being necessary.

Did you post previously about having an ‘exclusively breast fed’ baby that you thought should be able to come with you to a pregnancy scan?

Either way, YABU

It’s really sad the hostility here! I’d change hairdressers!

@Twinkie01

God YANU, I go to hairdressers and beauticians to get away from kids, would be furious if I'd chosen a child free one and you rocked up with a baby which if cried would interrupt the peace and quiet.

Honestly. Grow up. A 2 month old baby needing a feed. For about 15 minutes. Possibly.

You'd cope I'm sure.

[quote worriedatthemoment]@WorkplaceLlama can you point me to that legislation then ?
As im sure taking a baby into a nightclub is not allowed [/quote]
Of course it is!

YABU

Salons just aren't safe for babies or small children. Chemicals, sharp objects, chance of burns, slip and falls.

Plus many go there to get some pampering and get lost in their thoughts. Nobody wants to listen to crying babies or toddlers shrieking and running around.

[quote worriedatthemoment]@AppleAppleAppleApple well thats ridiculous I would not be happy if ai had a colleague leaving every hr to breastfeed a baby , or I was in a restaurant and the chef stops cooking my food to feed a baby [/quote]
Tough for you then.

As I said, it's unlikely to happen due to the provision of maternity leave.

I think you're being a bit unreasonable OP, sorry.

I appreciate you wanted to get your hair done but I wouldn't have booked this appointment until you were confident your baby would take a bottle. Or you could have at least given a bottle a try before the appointment instead of saving the first time for exactly that occasion.

Yabu, you are choosing to have a long non essential beauty treatment (a quick hair cut you can argue is necessary, colour is not) at somewhere with a no child policy.

Children certainly shouldn't be brought into an environment with so many chemicals, hair colouring stinks quite frankly.

@Talkwhilstyouwalk

YABU. Apart from anything else it's a nice little break for you going to get your hair done - enjoy it! If he won't take the bottle then he'll just go a bit hungry until you get back, he might cry but he'll be fine!

The baby is 2 months old. When they need feeding, they need feeding.

You cannot be breastfeeding while your having chemicals applied to your hair. If your hair is being snipped, hair will fall onto your baby.
How on Earth can you breastfeed your baby while you're being done?
Do you expect the stylist to down tools while you breastfeed? What is stylist meant to do in the meantime? Are you assuming that they will ask their next and subsequent clients to wait half an hour longer for their appointments because of a breastfeeding parent?

Maybe don't have appointments until you know that your baby can accept a bottle .

@Bluntness100

What will you do next time op. ? Will you try to get back in and basically rely on them to ban you?

Next time is probably 6 - 10 weeks away, depending on how often OP gets her hair done.

As baby took a bottle fine, it's likely not going to be an issue.

In 6 - 10 weeks, baby will manage for longer without feeds.

However, if she needs to bring baby in the next time, she's absolutely legally entitled to do so.

Hairdressers not being willing to provide an accessible service. Who would have thought it? Never encountered a welcoming salon environment.

The obvious solution would have been to have a trial run with a bottle a day or two earlier, to get your baby used to taking one.
If (God forbid) you dropped dead tomorrow, your baby would soon get hungry enough to accept a bottle rather than starve.
You are making a bit of a drama out of a non event, I feel.

Ps I ebf my babies for 18 months a piece, I never once took them to the hair dressers because my dh watched them and it only takes 45 mins for an essential cut. I wouldn't have colour because of the chemicals. I still do not colour my hair, it's environmentally unsound and potentially harmful as well as expensive

@CRbear

Funny how if this was a “no children wedding” people would be up in arms about no exception for a breastfed baby..:

A baby is a baby, if it is a child free wedding you don't bring a baby. People who ask for exceptions for 'babes in arms' are missing the point. It is one thing to explain to the people getting married that the ban means you can't attend, which leaves the ball in their court. It is another to say you will bring the baby against their wishes.

OP is adamant she hasn't done anything wrong even though very many people think she has been unreasonable.
No children means no children. Many parents seek out child-free zones to get a break, not to see or hear other people's children. OP can ask if children are allowed, and explain that she is breastfeeding as a courtesy in case her appointment might need more flexibility.

I absolutely support breastfeeding anywhere that a baby or young child is allowed to be. Even if it is apparently inconvenient to the setting, the baby needs to be fed. I would offer a seat, water, whatever she needs.

A baby or child is not allowed to be in a bookmakers or a nightclub, they aren't discriminating against breastfeeding, they just don't allow children. I would not support someone thinking they can enter those places against the rules of the establishment whether they are breastfeeding or feeding the child anything else.

@ToEllewithIt

YANBU

This thread makes for depressing reading. I don't know whether I'm more agog at the lack of compassion for a new mother or the complete disregard for the law which protects her right to feed her baby.

The OP has gone out of her way to ensure an absolute minimum of disturbance for the salon and its patrons and very few posters seem to think that she should be accommodated in any way. Special bonus points for the posters taking the position "I martyred myself by not leaving the house for two years after giving birth so you should do the same".

I'm also confused that on mumsnet there seems to be a lot of posters who seem to have never met a 2-month old breastfed baby. They don't wail or create disturbance, they don't get distracted. They feed and fall into a milk coma. Some of you seem to be getting confused with 2-year olds. I'd a million times rather have a 2 month old next to me than many of the patrons I've sat next to in hairdressers over the years.

Spot on - some real unpleasantness on here today. Posters putting the boot in for no reason.

I would not have taken my baby anywhere near a place where Chemical processors where taking place, and risking them inhaling the fumes from it, even if they were disguised with perfume, or the risk of splashes and drips of chemicals used in the Colouring processes on such young delicate skin.

If you really annoy the hairdressers who you are trusting to cut and colour your hair beautifully, just remember that the stress of it all could cause them to make ‘Mistakes’ or ‘Forget something’ such as conditioner, and send you on your way whilst they are mocking and laughing about you on their break afterwards, and believe me, that does happen!

YABU

It applies to everyone so there is no discrimination and why exactly should they make an exception for you, they have a no child policy

End off
I a, not sure why a cut and colour would take hours either

So if you are not happy find a hairdresser who will allow children on and stop being so precious

If (God forbid) you dropped dead tomorrow, your baby would soon get hungry enough to accept a bottle rather than starve.

You talk about making a drama but write this???

I cannot see the relevance. I very much hope OP stays well & healthy. I can't see why a dreadful scenario like her death is likened to going to get her hair done.

(I think this is the first time I've ever disagreed with Babdoc, as a side note!)

[quote BonasthatBonas]**@ThankYouHunkyJesus* you are legally entitled to breastfeed wherever the fuck you want*

Really??? That doesn’t seem correct... I mean..

• in a sterile operating room prepared for surgery
• while flying an airplane
• while driving
• while sitting in a sauna in a spa

Hmmm[/quote]

Somehow, I don't think breastfeeding while driving is quite the same as sitting in the waiting area of a hair salon.

@EarringsandLipstick maybe it is tough but I am also allowed an opinion and think it would be wrong and could impact on the other staff members , but to people like yo they don't count
Im still not convinced a work place has to allow your baby on the premises to be fed though as in many environments that would be dangerous and also unprofessional if customer facing etc