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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To expect an exception for bf baby?

999 replies

PatchItUp · 05/05/2021 14:41

I have a 2 month old baby who is exclusively breastfed. Today I’ve got a hairdressers appointment for the first time in months and I’ve been really looking forward to it. I’m having cut and colour so may be a few hours. I’d expressed some milk and my DH is going to try giving him a bottle for the first time.

I mentioned when I arrived that this was the situation and that if he refused the bottle, my DH would bring the baby in to be fed then take him away again. I’ve done this in a different hairdressers with my older children before with no problem.

The receptionist said there was a no children policy and therefore I wouldn’t be able to bring him in. I was a bit shocked and reiterated that he is very young, exclusively bf and couldn’t be left hungry if he wouldn’t take the bottle. She said she would check with the hairdresser.

Hairdresser came and said much the same thing - no child policy, if we make an exception for you we have to make one for everyone and customers will complain. I said again that I understood a no child policy to prevent toddlers running around or making noise but this would be a small baby coming in for a feed and then out again. She said she would check with the manager.

Manager heard and said from across the room ‘there’s nowhere for you to go’. By this point all the customers are listening and I felt really conscious and upset about being argued with by three different members of staff. I was fairly sure that this was illegal refusal of services but not totally confident so I said ‘I don’t need to go anywhere, he’ll just be on my lap, have a feed then go again’. They all again said it’s company policy, they can’t make any exceptions. The manager said ‘what’s the percentage chance he’ll need to come in?’ And one of the women said ‘there’s a good chance he’ll just take the bottle so why not take the risk?’ I replied I couldn’t take the risk that he wouldn’t take it and would be left screaming and hungry and not allowed to come in.

Eventually the manager reluctantly agreed that he could be brought in if necessary but it was clear they were really unhappy about it and it’s soured the experience for me massively.

When I checked on my phone it seems they’re acting illegally in refusing services to a breastfeeding mother, although I guess they could argue it’s down to chemical hazards (although this wasn’t mentioned at any time as a reason).

So - was I being unreasonable? And would I be unreasonable to complain later on?

I know some people will say I should have just left but my hair is such a state!! And I’ve been really looking forward to having it cut and having a few hours to myself.

OP posts:
Brokenpencilsarepointless · 05/05/2021 16:30

@Lemonelderflower

But not in a child free hairdressers, which I guarantee had customers who had chosen it for that reason. The OP is welcome to shop around and choose a hairdressers with a policy whichsuits her needs.

AppleAppleAppleApple · 05/05/2021 16:31

@WorkplaceLlama

I have no idea why people are going on about nightclubs. You can feed in ALL public places. The only exemption is men-only spaces and where H&S is a risk (and if this was the reason then OP is in her rights to ask for a risk assessment to demonstrate this). Law in England does not have a ‘except if there is a childfree policy’ clause. So I don’t really know where people are getting their information.
This needs to be reiterated, over and over.
Simpta · 05/05/2021 16:31

Tough one, I think it’s just bad communication and bad luck.

My hairdresser let me do exactly the same when my little one was ebf. A friend took the kids for me, but dashed in when the baby needed a feed. I think the difference is that I asked when booking, they don’t have a no child policy, and this was pre covid so no social distancing etc. I was also booking for a quiet time mid week term time.

I get that people don’t want to be disturbed.. My plan was in, feed and back out with a milk drunk baby, but we had a hard time getting her back out of there as everyone wanted a baby cuddle 😬 🤷‍♀️ Customers and staff alike.

So I guess YANBU for wanting to get a haircut, but YABU for not checking when booking that it wouldn’t be a problem. Lesson learnt the hard way 😔.

FWIW I’ve also had a manicure and pedicure with a baby asleep in a pram(or on the boob). Again I checked before it was ok, plus I knew we would be in a separate treatment room.

worriedatthemoment · 05/05/2021 16:31

@WorkplaceLlama where are you getting your info ? As if no children are allowed which applies to many places how can a baby be on the premises in the first place

Lemonelderflower · 05/05/2021 16:31

[quote worriedatthemoment]@Lemonelderflower can you point is to this law as many places have a no children policy or not under a certain age .[/quote]
Everyone has, over and over.

It is illegal to discriminate against a breastfeeding mother.

You can have all the policies you want: they do not supersede the law.

BlanketyBlanky · 05/05/2021 16:32

YANBU in any other place (eg restaurant) if it were just the chance of a 10 min feed on your lap, with DH ready to take away, so no chance of prolonged crying.

However think about the logistics in a hairdresser, you will have the gown on, it would be hard to avoid bits of hair or dye getting in the baby’s mouth, and the places stink with toxic fumes. There are also the timings, what if you are mid blow dry or mid wash?

Thirtyrock39 · 05/05/2021 16:33

I think most bf mums of very young babies generally have to wait till their babies are older before booking haircuts for this reason. I think I had a mobile hairdresser and a really low maintenance cut in the newborn phase

stackthecats · 05/05/2021 16:33

[quote worriedatthemoment]@WorkplaceLlama where are you getting your info ? As if no children are allowed which applies to many places how can a baby be on the premises in the first place [/quote]
The Equality Act 2010. There are no exceptions for so called "childfree spaces". Look it up and read it!

BonasthatBonas · 05/05/2021 16:33

@TheKeatingFive no one is saying she can’t get her hair done and be accommodated while breastfeeding. Just that she can’t do this at a salon that specifically has a child free policy in place.

Another poster nailed it really. Op booked an appointment at a salon with a no child policy even though she is exclusively breastfeeding her 2 month old, then kicked up a huge fuss wanting her baby to be the exception and involved multiple member of staffs to get her own way. When the salon then agreed to waive their own policy to let the baby come in the op still wasn’t happy and wanted to complain to them for their treatment of her. It’s ridiculous.

Lemonelderflower · 05/05/2021 16:33

Then that is your choice. It doesn’t change the fact that breastfeeding mothers have every right to have their hair cut.

brushlaptop · 05/05/2021 16:34

YABU

When I was bf my son I just waited until he could go 3-4 hours between feeds. My hair looking awful was the least of my problems when I had a small baby... also most people have terrible hair at the moment but it's just hair 🤷‍♀️

Lemonelderflower · 05/05/2021 16:34

The child free policy is overridden by the laws surrounding breastfeeding

From a legal standpoint op and her baby are one and the same.

worriedatthemoment · 05/05/2021 16:34

@Lemonelderflower but it is a no child place
Are you saying i could go to a over 18's place and then insist my friend could bring in my baby to feed , I am not sure in this instance it applies

SpnBaby1967 · 05/05/2021 16:34

Some of the responses on here are so harsh!

OP, I have bf my children and you ABU. Unfortunately being a new Mum just means that some things have to slide till baby is able to be left longer. That's just the way it is. If baby wont take a bottle you can try cup feeding, that can be quite successful in these cases and not confuse baby.

I think the hairdressers though were hugely unprofessional, it doesnt sound like they even tried to work out a solution with you without the embarrassment.

For now, book a home hairdresser or wait another couple of months.

Lemonelderflower · 05/05/2021 16:35

So ‘I looked a mess and so should you’ is it brush?

stackthecats · 05/05/2021 16:35

[quote worriedatthemoment]@Lemonelderflower but it is a no child place
Are you saying i could go to a over 18's place and then insist my friend could bring in my baby to feed , I am not sure in this instance it applies [/quote]
Yes it does.

BlindingLights101 · 05/05/2021 16:35

@worriedatthemoment

Read this - it’s quite easy to understand.

maternityaction.org.uk/advice/breastfeeding-in-public-places/

It sets out the exceptions under ‘are there some places where I cannot breastfeed?’ There are only two and child-free spaces aren’t one of them.

A business can be a childfree space but it can’t refuse service to a breastfeeding mother.

It really isn’t difficult

Lemonelderflower · 05/05/2021 16:35

[quote worriedatthemoment]@Lemonelderflower but it is a no child place
Are you saying i could go to a over 18's place and then insist my friend could bring in my baby to feed , I am not sure in this instance it applies [/quote]
That is EXACTLY what I am saying. Yes.

AppleAppleAppleApple · 05/05/2021 16:36

@SpnBaby1967

Some of the responses on here are so harsh!

OP, I have bf my children and you ABU. Unfortunately being a new Mum just means that some things have to slide till baby is able to be left longer. That's just the way it is. If baby wont take a bottle you can try cup feeding, that can be quite successful in these cases and not confuse baby.

I think the hairdressers though were hugely unprofessional, it doesnt sound like they even tried to work out a solution with you without the embarrassment.

For now, book a home hairdresser or wait another couple of months.

Why? Why do we STILL expect women to suffer? And bf women to suffer even more?

Seriously, it’s 2021, change your outlook ffs!

KFleming · 05/05/2021 16:36

YANBU

Twizbe · 05/05/2021 16:37

YANBU

I have a picture of me breastfeeding my daughter at the hairdressers with foils in my hair. They have a no child policy as well, but a 2 month old baby who was sleeping / feeding was fine.

I'd complain and never go there again.

WorkplaceLlama · 05/05/2021 16:37

[quote worriedatthemoment]@Lemonelderflower but it is a no child place
Are you saying i could go to a over 18's place and then insist my friend could bring in my baby to feed , I am not sure in this instance it applies [/quote]
Yes

worriedatthemoment · 05/05/2021 16:37

@Lemonelderflower so you think the salon should if just let her sit there for 10 or 15 mins and the next appt delayed or mayve the colour left on to long ? Or maybe it drips on the baby
It wasn't just a 40 min haircut
And also common sense is you try a baby without a bottle first
So also can a mum at work have her baby brought in to be bf every couple hrs ?

Calty123 · 05/05/2021 16:37

YANBU

Twinkie01 · 05/05/2021 16:37

God YANU, I go to hairdressers and beauticians to get away from kids, would be furious if I'd chosen a child free one and you rocked up with a baby which if cried would interrupt the peace and quiet.

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