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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To expect an exception for bf baby?

999 replies

PatchItUp · 05/05/2021 14:41

I have a 2 month old baby who is exclusively breastfed. Today I’ve got a hairdressers appointment for the first time in months and I’ve been really looking forward to it. I’m having cut and colour so may be a few hours. I’d expressed some milk and my DH is going to try giving him a bottle for the first time.

I mentioned when I arrived that this was the situation and that if he refused the bottle, my DH would bring the baby in to be fed then take him away again. I’ve done this in a different hairdressers with my older children before with no problem.

The receptionist said there was a no children policy and therefore I wouldn’t be able to bring him in. I was a bit shocked and reiterated that he is very young, exclusively bf and couldn’t be left hungry if he wouldn’t take the bottle. She said she would check with the hairdresser.

Hairdresser came and said much the same thing - no child policy, if we make an exception for you we have to make one for everyone and customers will complain. I said again that I understood a no child policy to prevent toddlers running around or making noise but this would be a small baby coming in for a feed and then out again. She said she would check with the manager.

Manager heard and said from across the room ‘there’s nowhere for you to go’. By this point all the customers are listening and I felt really conscious and upset about being argued with by three different members of staff. I was fairly sure that this was illegal refusal of services but not totally confident so I said ‘I don’t need to go anywhere, he’ll just be on my lap, have a feed then go again’. They all again said it’s company policy, they can’t make any exceptions. The manager said ‘what’s the percentage chance he’ll need to come in?’ And one of the women said ‘there’s a good chance he’ll just take the bottle so why not take the risk?’ I replied I couldn’t take the risk that he wouldn’t take it and would be left screaming and hungry and not allowed to come in.

Eventually the manager reluctantly agreed that he could be brought in if necessary but it was clear they were really unhappy about it and it’s soured the experience for me massively.

When I checked on my phone it seems they’re acting illegally in refusing services to a breastfeeding mother, although I guess they could argue it’s down to chemical hazards (although this wasn’t mentioned at any time as a reason).

So - was I being unreasonable? And would I be unreasonable to complain later on?

I know some people will say I should have just left but my hair is such a state!! And I’ve been really looking forward to having it cut and having a few hours to myself.

OP posts:
stackthecats · 05/05/2021 16:22

@nokidshere

And it is discriminatory to the breastfeeding mother as she needs to breastfeed a baby, is not allowed to do so, so cannot access the service. The law doesn’t apply to the baby - it applies to the mother

It's not discriminatory. They aren't refusing the mother, nor are they saying she can't breastfeed. They just don't accept children as is their right as a business. The mother could have made other arrangements and didn't, that's not the salons fault.

Another one with an amateur legal opinion that is totally wrong Hmm
EarringsandLipstick · 05/05/2021 16:23

@ivfgottwins

Of course YABU 🤷‍♀️

I have twins. I fed them just before my hair appointment. When they were running late I asked if there was anything they could do to get me out on time and back to the babies. They kindly accommodated me by shuffling people around - they didn't have to but I was incredibly grateful

But there are always those that think the world revolves around them

I'm glad they helped you - but rearranging other appointments etc is surely more trouble than allowing the client to b/f. (I know you probably didn't want to b/f your DT in this particular situation, speaking generally).

In your situation, they accommodated you. In OP's situation, they should have been able to do so too.

Where's anyone talking about the world revolving around them? Just a bit of humanity, kindness & courtesy.

FTEngineerM · 05/05/2021 16:23

HA! Of course YABU don’t know know that when you’re a parent, especially a brand new mum you have to achieve peak martyr status and give up on every single thing that makes you feel good and replace it with wiping arses and throwing your nipple in their mouths. Nothing else will suffice, sorry.

Wink Enjoy the haircut, bet it’ll make you feel great. I don’t get why a baby coming in for a few minutes to an hour will affect anyone else at all. It seems all sense of logic has disappeared.

Also HAHAHAHAH pfb because she doesn’t want her child to be hungry, are you ok?

Lemonelderflower · 05/05/2021 16:23

Why on EARTH are people going on about nightclubs!?

worriedatthemoment · 05/05/2021 16:24

@thirstyformore what you feed the baby whilst the hairdresser cuts your hair or dyes it , what if some falls on baby , that would be a huge health and safety risk
Since when did people struggle to bf and continue with life
I bf my kids , still had haircuts , still went to work , still went out etc
It just takes a little more planning

1122bucklemyshoe · 05/05/2021 16:25

I'm shocked at how many people think of going to the hairdresser as a treat and that it must not have any small humans in the vicinity or it will be absolutely ruined.

I can't wait to get it done end get the hell out of there and couldn't care less if a baby a child or the any old iron bloke drops by.

And in any event, someone else's kid is not your problem, it's between the owner and the parent, you can sit back and ignore.

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 05/05/2021 16:25

Christ I give up, the number of people who clearly think they are "lawyers" on this thread giving out their opinions on the law

Says the one that keeps banging on about the law.
Their rule is no children. That's just tough.

Bubblebu · 05/05/2021 16:25

and reading this thread my impression is after all of that, if it was me, I would be so stressed out/angry/indignant etc i am sure my baby would be able to sense my tension whilst i was breastfeeding in all my foiled up glory........

look everyone knows hairdresser appointments are a really good way to feel good / look after yourself for some people. on a personal level i love them. and new mums benefit a lot from this.

i just am not sure it is worth trying to change the world for these particular circumstances

AwaAnBileYerHeid · 05/05/2021 16:26

YABU. You've been told it's a no child policy, so it's a no child policy.

Lemonelderflower · 05/05/2021 16:27

Glass, you are the one completely misunderstanding the law.

There will be times the law appears to be contradictory but in fact isn’t. But this is really straightforward.

Hairdresser says - no children. Not a problem.

Law says - you cannot discriminate against breastfeeding women.

So if you refuse to allow a baby onto the premises, you are discriminating against the MOTHER.

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 05/05/2021 16:27

The point is that if you say ‘you can’t bring a breastfed baby in here’ you are really saying the mother can’t come in. Therefore it discriminates against the mother.

That's not what they said. They said no children. That means for any reason. It's really not difficult.

HowToBringABlushToTheSnow · 05/05/2021 16:27

@FTEngineerM

HA! Of course YABU don’t know know that when you’re a parent, especially a brand new mum you have to achieve peak martyr status and give up on every single thing that makes you feel good and replace it with wiping arses and throwing your nipple in their mouths. Nothing else will suffice, sorry. Wink Enjoy the haircut, bet it’ll make you feel great. I don’t get why a baby coming in for a few minutes to an hour will affect anyone else at all. It seems all sense of logic has disappeared.

Also HAHAHAHAH pfb because she doesn’t want her child to be hungry, are you ok?

So much nonsensical hyperbole Confused
Youdontknowwhatyoureonabout · 05/05/2021 16:28

YABU

WorkplaceLlama · 05/05/2021 16:28

I have no idea why people are going on about nightclubs. You can feed in ALL public places. The only exemption is men-only spaces and where H&S is a risk (and if this was the reason then OP is in her rights to ask for a risk assessment to demonstrate this). Law in England does not have a ‘except if there is a childfree policy’ clause. So I don’t really know where people are getting their information.

Mulhollandmagoo · 05/05/2021 16:28

I think YABU, pretty much based on what everyone else has said. possibly a mobile hairdresser that comes to your house is the best thing for you going forward. Its nothing to do with freak accidents (although they do happen) its courtesy to other customers, and the salon has a policy

Ginfilledcats · 05/05/2021 16:28

I didn't have my hair cut for a year because of lockdown/breastfeeding. Just one of those things.

daisyjgrey · 05/05/2021 16:29

You're both being unreasonable. Yes they shouldn't be that awkward about it, but there are probably valid health and safety concerns. You're also being unreasonable by expecting somewhere with a child free policy to let you have your child in there, for however long. I breastfed as well so I know where you're coming from.

In your situation I would do a trial run with a bottle and then time it so I could feed and then leg it, for maximum time until next feed.

Lemonelderflower · 05/05/2021 16:29

No, it isn’t just one of those things. When lockdown stopped you had every right to get a haircut and every right to feed your baby.

Brokenpencilsarepointless · 05/05/2021 16:29

@1122bucklemyshoe

That's great for you. You can book into any hairdressers then. I deliberately choose child free hairdressers because I do not want to listen to any whinging or screaming or see kids running around.
I am a single mum to 2 kids with a very stressful business to run, and I'm a writer on the side. All of those things are my choices but it makes for a busy, stressful life and not a lot of time for me. When I get a few hours to have my hair, eyebrows and nails done, I go somewhere designed to be quiet and calm. I pay extra for the child free, fancy hairdressers. If someone demanded to being their baby in because they were unique amongst mothers in their breastfeeding (which they are not) then I would make a fuss.

These business offer different experiences. You book one which works with the experience you want to pay for. Someone else cannot demand they change their business to suit them.

worriedatthemoment · 05/05/2021 16:29

@Lemonelderflower can you point is to this law as many places have a no children policy or not under a certain age .

EveryDayIsADuvetDay · 05/05/2021 16:30

I expect a hair appointment to be a period of relaxation, it's bad enough if you go somewhere & discover they play loud music, let alone throwing wailing babies into the mix.
Aside from the additional people in the salon, were you proposing to feed it while your hair was being cut/washed/blow dried or whatever, or that they would take a break and elongate the appointment, throwing out the appointment schedule for the rest of the day?

how frequently do babies need feeding anyway?
If you feed it before you go in, a haircut is likely to take more than an hour.

BuggerBognor · 05/05/2021 16:30

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

TableFlowerss · 05/05/2021 16:30

I would say it comes down to health and safety perhaps? As oppose to the hairdressers being awkward for the sake of it. Perhaps for insurance purposes they aren’t insured for under 16’s so if anything happened they could be sued?

Accidents do happen and let’s be honest, hairdressers are full of chemicals etc.... and something could drip from your head? It’s not out the realm of possibility.

nokidshere · 05/05/2021 16:30

Another one with an amateur legal opinion that is totally wrong

Oh giveover stop being so dramatic. There are hundreds of hairdressers and many alternatives to getting your hair done than in a salon who doesn't suit your needs. As a person with a disability I can only access 2 salons in my local area so I go to one of them. I don't go to one of the others and insist they meet my needs over the rest of their customers.

stackthecats · 05/05/2021 16:30

@WorkplaceLlama

I have no idea why people are going on about nightclubs. You can feed in ALL public places. The only exemption is men-only spaces and where H&S is a risk (and if this was the reason then OP is in her rights to ask for a risk assessment to demonstrate this). Law in England does not have a ‘except if there is a childfree policy’ clause. So I don’t really know where people are getting their information.
I think it's information from the "my opinion and I say so" school of law I'm afraid WorkplaceLlama