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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To expect an exception for bf baby?

999 replies

PatchItUp · 05/05/2021 14:41

I have a 2 month old baby who is exclusively breastfed. Today I’ve got a hairdressers appointment for the first time in months and I’ve been really looking forward to it. I’m having cut and colour so may be a few hours. I’d expressed some milk and my DH is going to try giving him a bottle for the first time.

I mentioned when I arrived that this was the situation and that if he refused the bottle, my DH would bring the baby in to be fed then take him away again. I’ve done this in a different hairdressers with my older children before with no problem.

The receptionist said there was a no children policy and therefore I wouldn’t be able to bring him in. I was a bit shocked and reiterated that he is very young, exclusively bf and couldn’t be left hungry if he wouldn’t take the bottle. She said she would check with the hairdresser.

Hairdresser came and said much the same thing - no child policy, if we make an exception for you we have to make one for everyone and customers will complain. I said again that I understood a no child policy to prevent toddlers running around or making noise but this would be a small baby coming in for a feed and then out again. She said she would check with the manager.

Manager heard and said from across the room ‘there’s nowhere for you to go’. By this point all the customers are listening and I felt really conscious and upset about being argued with by three different members of staff. I was fairly sure that this was illegal refusal of services but not totally confident so I said ‘I don’t need to go anywhere, he’ll just be on my lap, have a feed then go again’. They all again said it’s company policy, they can’t make any exceptions. The manager said ‘what’s the percentage chance he’ll need to come in?’ And one of the women said ‘there’s a good chance he’ll just take the bottle so why not take the risk?’ I replied I couldn’t take the risk that he wouldn’t take it and would be left screaming and hungry and not allowed to come in.

Eventually the manager reluctantly agreed that he could be brought in if necessary but it was clear they were really unhappy about it and it’s soured the experience for me massively.

When I checked on my phone it seems they’re acting illegally in refusing services to a breastfeeding mother, although I guess they could argue it’s down to chemical hazards (although this wasn’t mentioned at any time as a reason).

So - was I being unreasonable? And would I be unreasonable to complain later on?

I know some people will say I should have just left but my hair is such a state!! And I’ve been really looking forward to having it cut and having a few hours to myself.

OP posts:
stackthecats · 05/05/2021 15:59

@Justforphoto

That does not state that it overrides the adult only policy and I know for a fact that the Scottish policy does state anywhere the child is entitled to be so would not be classed as discrimination in Scotland.
It's to do with provision of services to the mother, and not access to spaces for the baby. So many failures to understand the legislation on this thread.
BobLemon · 05/05/2021 15:59

YABU

IDontLikeMondays88 · 05/05/2021 15:59

Is it always a child free policy tho or is it due to covid.
My hairdresser is child free at the moment but because of covid.

Lemonelderflower · 05/05/2021 16:00

It’s the hard of thinking gang stack Hmm

Greenmarmalade · 05/05/2021 16:00

This thread almost makes me want to relactate and find a willing, hungry baby to feed in the middle of OP’s hairdressers.

OP’s situation should be normal, everyday, usual. It shouldn’t be a ‘problem’ for the hairdresser or anyone.

itsfictionstupid · 05/05/2021 16:01

YANBU, but I'd go elsewhere. A tiny baby who is brought into the shop for feeding is not disruptive to their other customers in the way that a toddler would be, so I think they are BU to refuse this. But they clearly aren't interested and would probably make you feel uncomfortable, so why not find another hairdresser who would be more supportive.

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 05/05/2021 16:02

My baby dd only takes a bottle for me. Won't take milk from anyone else. Should I be allowed to take her into a childfree hairdressers?

Marylou2 · 05/05/2021 16:02

I take it this is your PFB ? If not YADBU.

Schrutesbeets · 05/05/2021 16:02

YANBU at all! I'm really surprised by the replies to say you are. What difference does it make to anyone at all? The baby is 2 months old, and the OP is only saying as a last resort her baby MIGHT need to come in, rather than go hungry and distressed.
My hair dressers would absolutely allow this, they're a family run business and have a regular client base.

stackthecats · 05/05/2021 16:03

No they can't because it doesn't exist.

Here you go:
assets.publishing.service.gov.uk/government/uploads/system/uploads/attachment_data/file/85008/business-quickstart.pdf

There's plenty more out there. You can read all the Equality Act too if you like.

Greenmarmalade · 05/05/2021 16:03

@Iminaglasscaseofemotion if necessary yes. Bottles tend to fill babies up for longer, but if this was needed then yes- of course.

Lemonelderflower · 05/05/2021 16:03

@Marylou2

I take it this is your PFB ? If not YADBU.
RTFT
stackthecats · 05/05/2021 16:04

@Iminaglasscaseofemotion

My baby dd only takes a bottle for me. Won't take milk from anyone else. Should I be allowed to take her into a childfree hairdressers?
Yes, you are allowed to do this under the Equality Act.
skodadoda · 05/05/2021 16:04

[quote PatchItUp]@BonasthatBonas so I shouldn’t have my hair cut for as long as I’m breastfeeding?

I promise not to complain if my baby accidentally swallows my hair Confused[/quote]
You could have had a test run to Or you know, maybe trial a expressed bottle on a day you don’t have an appointment, see how it goes, arrange your appointment around feeding
This, or at the very least, checked with HD before making the appointment.

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 05/05/2021 16:05

@stackthecats

No they can't because it doesn't exist.

Here you go:
assets.publishing.service.gov.uk/government/uploads/system/uploads/attachment_data/file/85008/business-quickstart.pdf

There's plenty more out there. You can read all the Equality Act too if you like.

Eh, could you highlight for me where it says that woman can breastfeed children even in childfree spaces?
ivfgottwins · 05/05/2021 16:05

Of course YABU 🤷‍♀️

I have twins. I fed them just before my hair appointment. When they were running late I asked if there was anything they could do to get me out on time and back to the babies. They kindly accommodated me by shuffling people around - they didn't have to but I was incredibly grateful

But there are always those that think the world revolves around them

Greenmarmalade · 05/05/2021 16:06

All of those panicking about him having a tub of hair dye spilt on him in a freak accident (has this ever happened to anyone you know?!) can relax

Just imagine having to explain why your baby has copper highlights.

Lemonelderflower · 05/05/2021 16:06

The world revolving around you = feeding a baby. Really?

stackthecats · 05/05/2021 16:06

in a glass case I don't need to highlight this because there is NO exception in the law for "childfree spaces" - as the law makes clear by its absence.

Bubblebu · 05/05/2021 16:07

there are the legal rights and wrongs of this situation....

then there is the question, should i change my life just for a short time whilst my baby is 2 months old?

would it kill me if i do not have my hair done in this way for a short number of months so I can be near my baby?
would it kill my baby if he refuses the bottle and screams the house down until i return from the hairdressers?

many options open here apart from "change the world not me - i should be able to breastfeed where ever i / my baby needs me to"

Teabaghag · 05/05/2021 16:07

Anyone else remember the poster who complained to a posh spa because they wouldn't let her take her newborn on her spa day?

TheKeatingFive · 05/05/2021 16:07

How is someone wanting to have a haircut while making sure baby doesn’t go hungry thinking ‘the world revolves around them’ Confused

Muchasgracias · 05/05/2021 16:07

YABVU because you didn’t prepare I advance by calling the salon and discussing this. Your hair appt is not just about you. It’s about the hairdresser too, her time, and that if other customers. It’s not about being able to breastfeed, it’s about having the courtesy to check (and not make assumptions but then pull the breastfeeding card when it doesn’t go your way). Honestly, some people just can’t wait to be ‘discriminated against’.

Greenmarmalade · 05/05/2021 16:07

@ivfgottwins this is such a horrible attitude. Maybe your babies are happy to last longer without being fed... one of my twins would only go 1.5 hours as a tiny baby.

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 05/05/2021 16:08

The child I'd not allowed in the salon in the first place.
I couldn't go out for a drink and get my dp to pop in with the baby so I can feed her, because children aren't allowed after a certain time.
I couldn't go to a childfree spa and get dp to bring her down for a feed poolside because she won't take a bottle for him.
No children, means no children, not, no children unless you want to being them in for a feed.