This afternoon I’ve been asked to take a child with my children to an activity we go to regularly. It’s near the docks and involves a 20-25min walk along the waterfront. Even further inland the weather is rough here, and forecast to get wetter this afternoon. I’ve already text to the parent ‘xxx will need warmer/ drier clothes than you think, it’s always wetter and colder than you think at xxxx. Puddles are a nightmare too’
Said child has just turned up with a thin hoody, no coat, and canvas pumps. There is no issue with clothing and I know the child has numerous coats and waterproof shoes. They are affluent and have huge amounts of everything, I’ve seen their clothing.
I pointed out it’s wet/ cold and was told xxxx doesn’t want to bring a coat. I said they need one, can you pop back to get it (their house is 2-3 min from the bus stop), I’m happy to wait and the bus isn’t due for a while anyway. It was repeated they didn’t want one. The child stroppily said she wasn’t taking one.
For context I’ve struggled every time I’ve taken this child out and tend to avoid it now, as they moan about everything. How far to walk/ being wet/ bored/ hungry. This is not the kind of child that runs laughing in rain and seems unaware of cold and wet (I know a few!), this is a child that will provide misery and they go on and on about being wet or cold and then try to demand someone else’s waterproofing. Or want to turn back. Last time I saw them we met and they wore suitable footwear for a forest walk and we ended up not actually being able to walk anywhere (group meeting) and it was a drama. Another time at brownie camp they refused a coat and made it miserable for the whole pack with the fuss over and over as they froze and got soaked.
Their mums view is it’s their choice/ a lesson they can learn. (Little laugh). After a lot of back and forth I said ‘look no coat, either your mum can come or you stay at home. Get your coat if you are coming with us’. They chose to go home.
Mum is annoyed the child is missing the paid for activity (she can’t come due to another child needing a lift soon). She’s text me a cross text saying it’s for her to parent her child. My view is I have no urge to parent her child, but I refuse to put up with the inevitable moaning.
AIBU?
To have left this child behind because of their inappropriate (for the weather) clothes
Oilpyii · 04/05/2021 11:27
Am I being unreasonable?
3584 votes. Final results.
POLLThe other mum should be happy surely? I’m mean her dd made her choice and has presumably learned a lesson ie because she refused to wear or even take appropriate clothing she got left behind.
Hopefully the mum has learned that other adults aren’t obliged to indulge her child. So lots of choices and consequences all round 
.
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YANBU. The child AND the mother sound like entitled arseholes.
During the time my daughter (now in her mid 20s) was primary school age, (between 6 and 11 mostly,) DH and I had a load of mums behaving like this. Palming their kids off on us, and not giving a fuck if their kid had a coat, or suitable footwear, or any food, or money.
In addition, they NEVER came to pick them up when they were meant to, and we often had to drop them off, and on some occasions, they weren't even IN, and we ended up keeping said child for an extra 3 or 4 hours, sometimes even overnight.
We fell out (big time) with ONE mother, when she did this to us. Her daughter came at 3pm on a day when me and DH and DD were going out for a meal for our wedding anniversary. DD begged for this friend to be allowed in 'just for an hour...'
She was still at our house at 5.30pm. I said to the girl that she needs to go home now, as we were getting ready to go out soon. We walked her home, (she lived ten minutes walk away,) but no-one was in. So I rang her mum. No answer... SHE rang her mum. No answer!
Over the next hour, we kept ringing, and also popped round to the girl's house two more times. No-one in. House bolted up.
We were fucking fuming. 7pm came and the girl was still here. No answer on the phone OR the door. We went to her nan's house, 3 miles away, (and no-one in there either.)
We were meant to be going out at 7.30-7.45pm, and the girl was still at our house. Our table was booked for 8pm, and we missed it... I was fucking incensed and so was DH.
At 8.30pm, still nothing. No-one in, and no-one answering the phone. DH rang the mum and left a message on her voicemail saying he can only assume she has abandoned her daughter, as no-one is in, and no-one is answering the phone, even at 8.30 at night. So if she doesn't come to get her within the next half hour, he's calling the police.'
Twenty minutes later, the mum turned up. She screamed 'Get here Poppy! Fuxake!' Then she glared at us, called us cunts, and said 'how dare you threaten me with calling the fucking police!' with an angry 
glare as she stomped off.
We were so shocked, like WTF ??? She is the disgusting irresponsible 'mother' who doesn't give a fuck about her daughter, yet we were being screamed at by her...'
Sorry, that was a bit of a rant. 
This story just reminded me of this!
Oh, our DD still sees this girl (now woman,) now and again, and she left home at 17, never went back, and has had nothing to do with her 'mother' for ten years. Shocker. 
@Oilpyii PLEASE don't become the same kind of doormat/mug that I was for quite a few years when DD was primary school age. Many parents will take the piss, because they can't be arsed with their OWN children! Glad to see you made the child go home ... Continue to be strong!
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