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AIBU?

To let guy come over to see me

78 replies

Redruby2020 · 02/05/2021 20:45

Hi all, okay I have been in contact with a guy I met through online dating for around 5/6 weeks now, we have since swapped numbers because of how we got on etc. I have not managed to meet him yet due to child care restrictions etc, and when I had free time I had other stuff to do. I had lots of occasions whereby I could have met hun out somewhere with my DS, but put it off because I thought it wasn't right, and I don't expect any guy to be jumping for joy but also he wanted to see me, so was understanding that I might have to eventually do this with my DS in tow.
I won't invite him in the house yet because I don't think it's right, but the other option was to sit outside in his car for a bit, but then although it amounts to sitting in the back garden with him(if I had one) 😆 I felt bad to sit out the front with him, and it wouldn't be for long and I would have to keep coming in to check on DS once he goes to bed.
I think I have made choices based on what others think, but also because I am a worrier for obvious reasons, because I have a child etc.
I think god what if I then give him my post code and he comes and then he's got it and it becomes a problem. Or I get in the car and he drives away etc, I know I'm probably getting carried away but it's all relevant. If it had been last year I was living with family then I would of done bed time and gone for a few hours with him etc.
So not sure what to do now.
Thankyou for reading this far.

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CandyFIosss · 02/05/2021 21:19

Wow unbelievable! I have 4 kids and a lone parent, I don’t date because I don’t have babysitters, it would never occur to me that the solution was to bring my children on dates 😑 or meet someone outside in their car, wait till your child is in school to date if you really can’t get babysitters

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toocold54 · 02/05/2021 21:24

Do not do this. I’ve met way too many weirdos or guys that are into you and I’m not into them and they turn a bit stalkers constantly in the area I live and walking by my home. I’ll never let anyone know even the town I live now until I know I like them.

Do you have any time without your DC?

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Sn0tnose · 02/05/2021 21:24

You don’t appear to have any understanding that you don’t invite a complete stranger into your home, you don’t get into the car of a complete stranger. You don’t leave a child in a house by themselves. You don’t let someone you’re meeting with a view to possibly dating anywhere near your child.

If you want to date, get a babysitter. Meet him in a public place. Get yourself there. Get yourself home. This should always be your starting point.

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toocold54 · 02/05/2021 21:27

I guess what I should have added, is what about if someone is in the house with DS?

They’d be no reason to meet outside your house then.
Just meet him in a pub for a drink or even walk around a (busy) park with him so you get to know each other.

When he says he’ll pay for a babysitter what does he want you to go and do with him? Surely he doesn’t mean pay for a sitter to just sit in the car.

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zzizzer · 02/05/2021 21:27

@Sn0tnose

You don’t appear to have any understanding that you don’t invite a complete stranger into your home, you don’t get into the car of a complete stranger. You don’t leave a child in a house by themselves. You don’t let someone you’re meeting with a view to possibly dating anywhere near your child.

If you want to date, get a babysitter. Meet him in a public place. Get yourself there. Get yourself home. This should always be your starting point.

All of this!

Even if you didn't have a child, meeting someone in a neutral public place is Internet safety 101.

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Flowers500 · 02/05/2021 21:30

Your concept of boundaries and safety is very worrying, how old are you and are you ready to date? You’re considering letting him meet your child, but asking if calling him is ok?!?!? 😱

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Jillybons · 02/05/2021 21:30

@Redruby2020 as all have said, get a babysitter, sort your own transport to a public place (bar/cafe/busy park) and see how you like him. He could be lovely or he could be an utter psycho

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ItsNotLoveActually · 02/05/2021 21:32

Could you do a video call on WhatsApp for now? You can dress up and have a drink, like a proper date. If it doesn't work out, you can block him. Don't put yourself or DC in a vulnerable position. It's only another couple of weeks until restrictions are lifted, be patient.

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eatsleepread · 02/05/2021 21:33

Honestly speechless.

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TheGumption · 02/05/2021 21:33

This is so worrying. It's easy to see how women end up in those horrendous relationships where their kids end up being abused.

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zigaziga · 02/05/2021 21:38

Get a babysitter (you’ve been able to do this legally for months) and meet at a pub beer garden for a drink. Why would you need to give him your address at all?

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DisgruntledPelican · 02/05/2021 21:39

I get it, when the vibe is so good that you’re desperate to make the time to meet someone. But every single post on this thread has been unanimous: do not do this. Have a video call, then get childcare and meet in a public place. Do not tell him the street or even the vague neighbourhood you live in.

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maddening · 02/05/2021 21:42

If you have someone that can sit with ds why not meet in a pub beer garden?

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Wrongnamegame4 · 02/05/2021 21:42

God no

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Beseigedbykillersquirrels · 02/05/2021 21:43

No, you don't give a random stranger on the internet the address of the place you and your child sleep. No, you do not invite an internet stranger to come and sit outside your house when your child is in bed. No, you do not get into a stranger's car while you leave your child asleep in your house. No, you do not take your child along on your first date with this stranger. Bloody hell. Keep yourself and your child safe, FFS. And I say this as someone who met my husband online.

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RachelRaven · 02/05/2021 21:48

Talking on the phone is fine. Although i don’t know what app you mean but years ago i was dabbling with OLD and someone sent me a photo of his front garden and it had tracking on it and i could see his address.

Him meeting your child is not ok.

Him knowing your address isnt safe. You've never met. He could be anyone.

Meet him at a public place and get yourself home. Dont accept a lift from him.

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SpongeCakeAddict · 02/05/2021 21:51

About 18 months before I met now-DP, I put myself in a very stupid situation out of sheer desperation from loneliness after a violent relationship breakdown which culminated in my having to move away from my few friends. The guy assaulted me while my kids slept upstairs. It wasn't the worst kind, without wanting to describe it, I had much worse with the ex. But it left me in a terrible state on top of the mess I was already in. I never made that error again. Don't do it. It's just not safe.

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BrilliantBetty · 02/05/2021 21:52

This is so worrying. It's easy to see how women end up in those horrendous relationships where their kids end up being abused.

Yeah. I was thinking this too.

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LivingMyBestLife2020 · 02/05/2021 21:54

I hope this is a wind up

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Starstruck2021 · 02/05/2021 21:58

If you have someone to sit with your child, why don’t you go for a walk for an hour?

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scotsllb · 02/05/2021 22:14

Please don't think I'm patronising you in any way as I am a single mum and know how hard it has been with childcare etc during the pandemic.
Never ever meet a man you don't know outside your front door, or give him your address or talk about your child too much.
As a previous poster mentioned some nasty men seek out single mums as they think we are vulnerable and desperate and worse.
Your child is only small for such a short period of time and they depend on you to keep them safe.
As flattering as some men can be and sometimes you may feel pressured, always put your child and your safety first

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Hankunamatata · 02/05/2021 22:19

If you work, you could leave half hour early and meet him in a coffee shop for a chat to get the feel of him.

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ClareBlue · 03/05/2021 01:17

I think we all understand you are excited about meeting someone new and a potential adult relationship and a possible future partnership.

But, you must listen to the good advice here on safety for you and your child.

You only have your experiences which might all be fine but hear what others are saying who have had their experiences.

You can do this safely and still enjoy it and gave a good time, but safe you must be.

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Redruby2020 · 03/05/2021 03:06

@EmeraldShamrock

If he has your number why talk on the app.
Meet him on the corner if someone is watching DS go for a drink or a coffee.
I doubt he'll rob you, take a picture of his car reg send it to a friend.
Lots of people meet online now.
Good luck.

We don't talk on app now as we have one another's numbers.
Yes I was thinking similar to what you have suggested, thanks.

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Redruby2020 · 03/05/2021 03:09

@CorianderBee

Are you OK? You sound a bit naive not even knowing if you can call him. Of course you can call him...

Hire a babysitter and go to a coffee shop or bar to meet him...

You've misunderstood. I was talking about answering calls from other guys whilst child is around, even that I have heard some disapproval about, like a guy ringing you first time and you have then revealed that you have a child, by what they hear in background.

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