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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is a bit rude?

117 replies

Umizumi2 · 02/05/2021 14:21

I sent a whatsapp message to head of nursery yesterday (which is the usual platform of communication, they regularly text on weekends so it's not unusual) asking whether or not they will be open on Monday with it being bank holiday.

I needed to know so I could adjust my plans accordingly.

My message was read but not responded to, meanwhile she is posting on social media both yesterday and today.

AIBU to think this is a bit rude?

OP posts:
ladygracie · 02/05/2021 15:00

If they are posting on social media, can you comment underneath with your question or is that not possible?

Pinetreesfall · 02/05/2021 15:02

I would never expect a reply outside of their working hours. You must be one of those people I work with who expect an instant reply when they send an email (regardless of what time of day / night it is).
You should have asked last week.

Original poster
Umizumi2 · 02/05/2021 15:03

During my working day where I should not be using my mobile or taking unnecessarily calls.

She was online on WhatsApp when I sent the message and I didn't see the harm.

It's clear that only nursery workers are entitled to time undisturbed, working parents on the other hand are expected to respond whatever they're doing.

So to bring the thread to a resolution, I won't be taking him tomorrow as I haven't been able to ascertain whether they're open.

I will no longer be replying to messages on the weekend as I have the right to peace undisturbed.

Thank you all Smile

OP posts:
Original poster
Umizumi2 · 02/05/2021 15:03

@ladygracie

If they are posting on social media, can you comment underneath with your question or is that not possible?
Unfortunately not as they have comments turned off.
OP posts:
Original poster
Umizumi2 · 02/05/2021 15:05

You must be one of those people I work with who expect an instant reply when they send an email (regardless of what time of day / night it is).

I find this particularly amusing because they are the ones who tend to contact me at unusual times, including gone 7.00pm at night on occasion.

This is the only time I have ever sent a question on the weekend.

I'm unreasonable though. Got that.

I'm going to hide the thread now as it's just going round in circles.

OP posts:
motherloaded · 02/05/2021 15:07

It's perfectly reasonable to message at any time.

It's completely unreasonable to expect the other to reply immediately!

They are contacting you when they are not looking after children, sounds more than fine by me. Is there a clause in your contract that you MUST reply immediately? I am guessing not.

And to answer your question: no, it's not rude not to bother with work messages on the weekend.

Ilovemaisie · 02/05/2021 15:08

Just ring them Monday morning to ask "are you open today?"

Timper · 02/05/2021 15:09

@MissMaple82

Nurseries are also always shut on bank Holidays!
No, they’re really not. My child’s nursery is 100% open.
PhillipPhillop · 02/05/2021 15:18

Gosh, all this tit for tat stuff, well they don't do that so I won't do that etc doesn't it get tedious?

Pinetreesfall · 02/05/2021 15:20

@Ilovemaisie what a sensible suggestion!

Maggiesfarm · 02/05/2021 15:20

You left it a bit late to find out if they are open tomorrow. Surely you are not working tomorrow unless you are a nurse or something else deemed essential. I doubt very much that the nursery will be open.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 02/05/2021 15:21

I think you are getting a bit of a hard time here, @Umizumi2 - I’m sure you would have asked on Friday (or earlier) if you’d remembered - but we all forget things sometimes - I know this Bank Holiday has rather crept up on me - and I’m not distracted by a toddler and HG! And obviously if the information was available elsewhere, you wouldn't have WhatsApped the nursery.

If the nursery reply on Monday, saying they are open, could you take your dd in later, maybe? Or you could have the day off, but accept you may well still be charged. Either way, I’d forget about it for the weekend.

I would be tempted to suggest to the nursery that information like this should be on the nursery’s website/calendar/social media, so that parents don’t have to bother the nursery during their days off.

Viviennemary · 02/05/2021 15:24

I'd take it that nurseries are closed on bank holidays. But they should have replied. In any case surely you have a list of opening and closing dates.

Bluntness100 · 02/05/2021 15:24

This seems a lot of drama for something quite simple. Just give them a call in the morning. See if they are open or not. Phones do more than text....

MiaRoma · 02/05/2021 15:25

@SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius

I think you are getting a bit of a hard time here, *@Umizumi2* - I’m sure you would have asked on Friday (or earlier) if you’d remembered - but we all forget things sometimes - I know this Bank Holiday has rather crept up on me - and I’m not distracted by a toddler and HG! And obviously if the information was available elsewhere, you wouldn't have WhatsApped the nursery.

If the nursery reply on Monday, saying they are open, could you take your dd in later, maybe? Or you could have the day off, but accept you may well still be charged. Either way, I’d forget about it for the weekend.

I would be tempted to suggest to the nursery that information like this should be on the nursery’s website/calendar/social media, so that parents don’t have to bother the nursery during their days off.

I agree. I dont think the OP is being at all unreasonable

m0therofdragons · 02/05/2021 15:27

Social media posts were probably scheduled during working hours but I’d assume nursery would be closed on a bank holiday as I’ve never heard of one being open round here. That would definitely be unusual and would have most likely had communication to check families would be using the nursery if they were open.

BritWifeinUSA · 02/05/2021 15:31

@Umizumi2

I accept that the majority think I'm being unreasonable, but you'll have to excuse the fact that baffles me because they have (for the duration of DC's time there) contacted me on weekends and other inconvenient times, like when I'm at work or relaxing at home doing other things.

I've always responded to any questions regardless of whether or not I wanted to be disturbed as a matter of politeness.

I will take from this thread that I should no longer feel obligated to do that myself either.

I won't be taking DC in tomorrow morning if they are open as I've not been able to ascertain that they are, but I've no doubt I'll get a call asking why he's not in if they are open.

Make your mind up! Earlier on you said you ignored two calls from them because you were working but now you’re claiming you always respond to them.

And as for “it’s not a big deal”...well, big enough to post on the Internet about it. I don’t even know why you asked if you’re being unreasonable. Every time someone says you are you come back with reasons why you’re not.

Baconking · 02/05/2021 15:35

It could be a genuine oversight.

I have read messages before but when it's not convenient to reply...maybe while in the supermarket or while cooking and don't always remember to reply until the following day or even longer.

UserAtRandom · 02/05/2021 15:50

The wonder of texting/WhatsApp social media is that you can send messages to people when you want. The person you are sending the message to is not obligated to answer at once, but can answer at their convenience.

If you need an immediate response, than you need to use the phone.

If you don't want to be disturbed by phone calls during work hours, then don't answer them and let the nursery leave a message.

In this case you are BU to expect an immediate response when it's out of hours and not urgent (well, only urgent, because you didn't think of it before. I find it hard to believe that you've managed to not realise it was the bank holiday until today). However, you're not BU to also ignore nursery communications if it's not convenient to answer them.

Mummytemping · 02/05/2021 16:02

It would be really rare for a nursery, private or not to be open on a bank holiday.

MrMucker · 02/05/2021 16:03

@Umizumi2

I've checked everywhere and there's no indication of what happens on BH's on their social media or otherwise.

If this has been deemed harassment I'll remember that when I'm getting 3+ calls during work hours when my DC isn't even in on the day.

That's a bit grabby tbh. If they call you during work hours it is because they are work hours! If you want them to stop doing this, then simply tell them, it's called communicating for the sake of your childcare running well. Don't store it up to use against them irrelevantly.

My guess is that they saw your question and were surprised by it, because closed on Bank Holidays is something just about all parents know. It's one thing answering a yes or no to a routine question, but they probably couldnt bring themselves to engage on that one because it would have started another discussion eg what about payment? Can I swap for a Wednesday next week. And and and.

Maybe they perceive you as a parent who is inclined to use a lot of their time in this way, only you know, obviously. Just reflecting on the sort of enquiry I'd put off responding to.

Moonpeg · 02/05/2021 16:04

My sister works in a nursery and she’s open, in fact all nurseries private are open in my area. Council shut of course

Neonprint · 02/05/2021 16:04

You should have checked before this weekend. Your attitude is coming across as quite entitled.

clpsmum · 02/05/2021 16:05

It's rude you're contacting them at the weekend. Why on Earth didn't you check sooner

Moonpeg · 02/05/2021 16:07

Maggiesfarm
Plenty places are open on a bank holiday, not just essential work as you say nurses. I work in retail and we are open, also hospitality and so on.