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AIBU?

To be fed up of dp critising my bf?

113 replies

Just47 · 01/05/2021 10:01

I'm a ftm. Since I found out I was pregnant i knew straight away I wanted to bf. This was only solidified for me when I had a bad birth and things got out of hand. I wanted to bf as it was something that I could control and make a positive out of the negative. I explained all this to dp so he understood. It was hard. Very hard. But I persevered and after getting through all the cracked nipples and pain I finally got there and I felt proud of myself.

But this is where it all kind of goes down the drain. Our baby is big, always has been. And from the start of my bfing during my dp has always been very critical. When dc was going through a cluster feed and honestly demanding food he made me feel like my boobs weren't supplying enough. Apparently I was the problem. Obviously being a ftm I thought maybe this was the case but when I brought it up with the mw she reassured me not (my boobs were literally leaking through). He bought me a pump and tried to push it on me, and couldnt understand or respect the fact that I wanted my baby to bf. Not bottle fed. I wanted that closeness and connection. It then became the case that every night my baby woke up he would tell me the baby is clearly hungry and again made me feel inadequate about my supply. So I let him give dc a bottle before bed and apparently he "sleeps better" so I rolled with it because a bottle is more filling and he gets more out of it than boob. I spoke to a hc about this and she told me with bfing the quality of milk is more saturated so even though feeds seem quicker the baby is getting plenty of what he needs (and he is he is a chubby one). Yet now its come to the sleep regression stage every night our little one has a bad sleep dp goes on that it's because he isnt getting enough to eat from me and maybe we should introduce him to solids (even though I've specifically been told to wait till 6 months by every healthcare professional.)

I'm just so tired of this constant battle and feel like my dp unintentionally has a put a massive downer on what I was trying to make a positive experience or myself after everything. It upsets me because I told him during the early stages maybe he praise the fact that I done so well with my bfing journey rather than always having something negative to say and he seemed to of had some realisation moment but has inevitably reverted back to his way. It always makes me feel like I'm not enough for my baby when I know if anything I oversupply. He even picked on the positions I did to feed my baby when he was first born as he thought I was causing him gas ( wasnt true) doing the rugby pose. I had a c section and he wanted me to feed little one facing upright which I could barely do as it hurt to hold him against my scar. I've also told him if I have a drink that I want to wait for at least 2 hours before I bf. I know some people may chose not to and that's fine but it's what i feel comfortable with. But he always tries to push me into bfing sooner and says it's fine and I'm being dramatic. It's my body! Let me bf how I see fit. As I said I dont think dp is trying to be this way. I gave him the benefit of the doubt that we are both first time parents trying to navigate and understand everything and think him confusing cluster feeding for my baby not getting enough to eat is reasonable. But now the new thing is baby should eat solids as my boobs clearly arent enough and I'm exhausted trying to defend my corner. Its put me off if we ever have another baby to try and bf. I think he would be happier bottle feeding. Aibu?

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Just47 · 01/05/2021 14:58

@BlackMarauder I believe he is being honest as of now. But I'm aware mindsets can change and words arent enough security. He could easily wake up tomorrow and feel different and I put nothing past anybody even if they seem the sweetest of people because I've seen people switch first hand. I dont know if we will get married, as I said were both young. But it doesnt feel right for me to push that on him because I want the benefits.

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