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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be sad my children don’t look like me

98 replies

lostteddyb · 30/04/2021 23:01

I feel like I am being unreasonable, but it does upset me a little bit. My children look nothing like me at all. I have dark brown hair and DD has really blonde hair and DS’s is a dark blonde. Neither of them have my eye colour, but DS has my eye shape and that’s about it. They are both completely the spit of their dad. I feel awful for being upset about it but I always thought my DC would look like me, all my family resemble each other so I expecting my DC to as well. Has anyone else experienced this?

OP posts:
girlofnow · 30/04/2021 23:04

My daughter is the absolute spit of her dad's family. Funnily enough I didn't even notice it so much until my son was born as he looks much more like me. But sometimes I look at her and can't see myself at all which is a bit weird. I have brown eyes and straight hair and she has green eyes and super curly hair. Nobody would put us together if they didn't know us. It isn't an odd thing to be upset about although I'm guessing people may pile on and say it is.

Puttingouthefirewithgasoline · 30/04/2021 23:06

Op I totally sympathise... Of course love doesn't change blady blah but some shared looks would be nice.

Puttingouthefirewithgasoline · 30/04/2021 23:07

Depends on circs to, if your out numbered by insensitive in laws

Original poster
lostteddyb · 30/04/2021 23:11

@Puttingouthefirewithgasoline

Op I totally sympathise... Of course love doesn't change blady blah but some shared looks would be nice.
That’s how I feel, I look at my DC and just don’t see any of myself in them at all. I wouldn’t love them anymore if they looked like me but it’d be nice if they did
OP posts:
Lettuceforlunch · 30/04/2021 23:15

Genetics are a funny thing. It’s always strange when nieces and nephews look like you but your own children don’t!

In our family, DB’s children look nothing like him and very much like SIL. On the other side, BIL’s (DH’s bro) children could be ours. If we’re out with them all, people think they’re siblings.

Oneweekleft · 30/04/2021 23:16

Ive got 3 boys. 2 look exactly like their dad. only one has my colour eyes and looks a little like me. Ive got a friend with blond hair and blue eyes whos husband is chinese. Her 3 kids all look chinese with black hair and brown eyes. Its a common thing really. Id just try and be grateful for healthy kids. Maybe youll see that one of them has aspects of your personality or talents it doesnt have to be only about looks.

MimiMouse · 30/04/2021 23:16

I’ve never thought about it. Apparently my youngest looks just like me. I can’t see the resemblance, but DC is beautiful, so I’ll take the compliment 😂

GreyhoundG1rl · 30/04/2021 23:17

They may as they get older, odd though that sounds.

Puttingouthefirewithgasoline · 30/04/2021 23:18

How old are they?
Mil was sooo upset she thought dd the spit of me bit after two months it was dh...

I look at old pics now and definitely see me.. Now it's almost like two layers one dh one me

For me I have no parents so I look intently for signs of "us" and in laws have absolutely zero sensitivity around this.

Original poster
lostteddyb · 30/04/2021 23:19

They are still only little, so I think maybe as they get older their features may change or their personality may be more like mine.

OP posts:
Puttingouthefirewithgasoline · 30/04/2021 23:21

Yes, when bone structure kicks in and even eye color changes.
Mannerisms, speech.. Personality traits.

BumCat · 30/04/2021 23:21

I used to be the spit of my dad, but I’m starting to resemble my mother more and more as I get older...

Although I don’t share hair colour with either. They’re both very dark and I’m blonde.

exexpat · 30/04/2021 23:21

Not that it really matters, but many children who are very blonde when they are little have much darker hair as adults, so they may come to resemble you more as time goes on.

I have reddish-blonde hair; DH's was dark, almost black. Both our DCs were very, very light blonde as toddlers, but as they got older their hair changed, and DS now has dark brown hair as an adult. DD dyes her hair so often I don't really know what her natural colour is any more...

Xiaoxiong · 30/04/2021 23:22

Agree with Grey - they will change as they get older and may resemble a different parent or family member. DS1 was the spit of DH as a baby - now he looks just like me but with his dad's colouring. DS2 didn't look like anyone at all for ages, now he looks like DH with my colouring but I think as he grows he's going to look more and more like my brother. Neither of them have my accent, which to me is a bit weirder than their appearance!

partyatthepalace · 30/04/2021 23:23

Meh. Fair enough to feel that.

It might change though.

Original poster
lostteddyb · 30/04/2021 23:25

Thank you everyone I feel better now.

OP posts:
Original poster
lostteddyb · 30/04/2021 23:27

It’s just that my family all look so alike, me, my DM and DNan all look exactly alike so it was a big shock. But they’re both beautiful, So I need to get over it

OP posts:
catfeets · 30/04/2021 23:31

I have to admit I was disappointed that my baby looked nothing like me when she was first born. I have olive skin, very dark straight hair, dark eyes and had tons of hair when I was born.
My daughter is 1 now and is still very pale skinned, with a thin layer of pale brown curly hair.
My family all have a strong resemblance to each other, except my daughter. To be fair, I'm darker skinned than my parents so maybe it's me that's the odd one out haha.

CombatBarbie · 30/04/2021 23:33

Both my girls were the doubles of their fathers when younger, now everyone says they are both the spit of me and I can see it but as sisters they look nothing alike.

RiverSkater · 30/04/2021 23:37

My eldest looked like my sister when she was younger ( who takes after my mum and I take after my dad) and not like me at all but as time went on, she now looks the spit of me!

I've seen other friends kids change too.

Rockhopper81 · 30/04/2021 23:37

I physically look like my dad - same skin tone, hair colour, eye shape etc. Definitely much less of my mum physically.

Yet lots of people say I look just like her - I don't really, but we have lots of shared mannerisms and expressions, so I think it appears we do.

So whilst your children may not physically resemble you all that much, chances are their expressions will make them more like you as they get older.

In a 'different-but-similar' way, I am an only child, and all of my cousins on my mum's side are fair (as opposed to my very dark hair), and on my dad's there is just the one dark haired cousin (with a few red heads), so I don't really look like anyone else other than my dad! Grin

Lullaby88 · 30/04/2021 23:39

Iv got a daughter who is a spitting image of his Mum (MIL) when theyre next to eachother I cant help but notice how alike thier features are. I still love my daughter loads obviously. Maybe in a few years she might morph into. I used to look like my daf as a child. As an adult iv morphed into my Mum. Strange things are genentics!

Rosewood017 · 30/04/2021 23:40

I know what you mean. My two DCs look so much like each other but not obviously like me or DH. They are gorgeous though and I get frustrated when the in-laws try to take credit for their looks!

Have you seen David Beckham's parents and sisters? They must wonder who on earth he takes after too.

Lullaby88 · 30/04/2021 23:40

Dad* lol.

HenryHooverIII · 30/04/2021 23:41

My kids do look like me but not how I expected. DS1 has my very pale skin and I have unwittingly passed on the gene for red hair to him too (from my dad's side). DS2 has my eyes and curly hair like me, but he's blonde and I'm dark. I think they both look more like DH. I expected them both to have dark hair and dark eyes like me. People say DS2 looks more like me, but I don't see it as much.

Funnily enough, I saw a photo of my brother when he was younger and he looked really like my eldest.