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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be sad my children don’t look like me

98 replies

lostteddyb · 30/04/2021 23:01

I feel like I am being unreasonable, but it does upset me a little bit. My children look nothing like me at all. I have dark brown hair and DD has really blonde hair and DS’s is a dark blonde. Neither of them have my eye colour, but DS has my eye shape and that’s about it. They are both completely the spit of their dad. I feel awful for being upset about it but I always thought my DC would look like me, all my family resemble each other so I expecting my DC to as well. Has anyone else experienced this?

OP posts:

HeyGirlHeyBoy · 01/05/2021 08:10

Mine were like that and have totally come round to my side now Hang in there!

ALevelhelp · 01/05/2021 08:12

@GreyhoundG1rl

They may as they get older, odd though that sounds.

DS1 looked similar to me as a young child, now as an almost adult he's the absolute spitting image of his dad

HeyGirlHeyBoy · 01/05/2021 08:15

And my sister, who is the double of my mum on her wedding day, is now like my Dad's twin (sister!) Mannerisms etc also start to play a part.

stairway · 01/05/2021 08:16

My eldest had dark blond hair as a toddler, it’s now dark brown as a 12 year old. I reckon it might even go black like his Dad. Hair colour and facial features change too much to make a conclusion when they are small.

lanbro · 01/05/2021 08:17

My eldest dd has always looked like me but now people are saying youngest looks even more like me, but she never used to! They change as they grow up. Both of mine are faor haired with green eyes where I'm dark with brown eyes. And I often think other people notice a resemblance more than yourself

IamMaz · 01/05/2021 08:19

My son looks like my negative! I had almost black hair [more grey now!!!] and brown eyes. Son was born with loads of blond hair and blue eyes!!!
Serves me right for feeling smug that I would have the first dark haired child in my in-laws' family...

Aliceandthemarchhare · 01/05/2021 08:22

I do think baby ds looks like me in his face but he is so blonde. Mostly bald but the tiny bit of hair he has is white blonde and blue eyes and fair skin.

My natural hair colour is dark brown and dark brown eyes. It was a surprise!

billy1966 · 01/05/2021 08:29

I have 4 that all look like their fathers side.

I have thought a few times recently wtf, especially as the girls do too🙄, when it was said to me how they all have a look of his side🤔

Fortunately for them they are both lovely and as their father has lean genes they all have scored.

But bar their lovely big blue eyes from me, I don't really get a look in with my children.🤷🏻‍♀️

One of my sons is carved out of my BIL🙄, fortunately I really like him, but what the hell.😁

I don't think about it, but now that you have reminded me, it is a bit annoying alright🤣🤣

greenlynx · 01/05/2021 08:41

My DD looked completely like her DH when she was born, the only thing she’s got from me it’s quality of her hair: thin straight fly away hairs whereas her dad’s thicker and a bit curly. My mother actually commented on DD having nothing from me and I felt really hurtful. On the other side MIL was never acknowledged that DD looked like her dad but was always talking how his nephew looked exactly like him. Now DD is older (16) and looks much more like me because of hairstyle and mannerism. She still gets her Dad’s colouring though but it’s less noticeable because I’ve started getting highlights. .

CarolinaWeeper · 01/05/2021 08:42

DC1 used to look exactly like DH but as they've got older I can see more of myself in them. DC2 looks nothing like any of us so no idea where they came from....so much so that people have asked whether we left hospital with the right baby . It's gene soup!

Keepingthingsinteresting · 01/05/2021 08:42

It’s an evolutionary thing, it’s more “successful” (I.e. better chance of survival) for kids to look like their father- less likely to doubt paternity. You may find it changes as they grow. I’m told I’m the spit of my dad’s mum, and I am- no doubt my brother & I are my dad’s children but the older I get the more I can see my mum, particularly in my face.

Popskipiekin · 01/05/2021 08:56

I feel for you OP and completely get it. My MIL looks nothing like her grown up DC, my FIL’s genes are very very strong. Astonishingly I am told DS1 does look a bit like me (i dont see it), but DS2 is completely his dad (and so my kids look nothing like each other!).

You will pass on behavioural traits, mannerisms and expressions, and often they make people resemble each other much more strongly than appearance which is just superficial.
But I do understand the wish for a mini me. Do people who know only you (and not your DH) see anything of you in your DC? Sometimes you’re too close to see a resemblance.

CirqueDeMorgue · 01/05/2021 08:58

@Wearywithteens

It’s something that I’ve never considered and couldn’t give a shiny shit about. They are their own people - it doesn’t matter who they look like. They came out of your body, isn’t that enough?

Agree.

Just seems like grasping at straws for something to be 'upset' about tbh.

TaraR2020 · 01/05/2021 09:01

You might well find it changes as they grow up. As a child I was the spit of 1 parent, and while the physical similarities are still there, I'm the spit of my other parent to look at me.

Vallmo47 · 01/05/2021 09:04

I understand OP. My mum and my everything passed away a couple of months after my firstborn arrived. I was desperately searching his face for some kind of resemblance with her. It never happened and it’s taken me a very long time to accept it. My husband’s side of the family used to spend forever and ever going on and on about how my son didn’t look like me. Then I went on to have my second child who for the first 5 years of her life resembled her dad massively and now looks a lot more like me. Kids change - especially things like hair colour. Funnily enough my husband’s family have stopped going on about who looks like whom now that the girl doesn’t look as much as them as they’d clearly like. ;) Take little notice, just laugh it off with a “Luckily I know they’re my kids, I remember that agony very well!”

Camomila · 01/05/2021 09:15

Mine look nothing like me, DS1 looks like my younger brother and DS2 looks like DHs younger brother!

They also look different ethnicities from each other, both are mixed race but DS1 looks more Italian and DS2 looks more Filipino.

ThornAmongstRoses · 01/05/2021 09:18

None of my children look like me, it they’re boys so I wasn’t particularly expecting an obvious similarity.

My youngest son is the absolute image of my husband.

My oldest son doesn’t have a particularly strong resemblance to either me or my husband, but he’s the double of his cousin (my sister’s brother).

I’m my mum’s double and my sister is our dad’s double therefore me and my sister look nothing alike. Yet I know some siblings who are so similar looking that it’s unbelievable.

Genetics are amazing things.

Don’t be sad OP, nature is a strange yet magical thing so just enjoy looking at your beautiful children and focus on how gorgeous you think they are whether they look like you or not

ChocolateDeficitDisorder · 01/05/2021 09:21

My DH is mixed race Asian/British and my DC have both inherited brown skin, eyes and hair. I'm pale white, blonde and light-eyed.

I love how they look, they're individuals made of people from all over the world.

Hughbert · 01/05/2021 09:31

Mine looks nothing like me and is the double of her father both facially and in terms of body shape, skin tone, everything. He was very abusive in every way and it can be difficult living with a person who looks like one you are scared of. But not even the shape of her knees or her eyebrows are mine, all him.

SonicStars · 01/05/2021 09:34

My sister says she cannot see herself in her daughter. I think they look identical apart from a couple of obvious racial features. Perhaps you do have features in common with your kids that you just don't see?

Coffeeandcake36 · 01/05/2021 09:37

I was bewildered when my first two dds had blue eyes and blonde hair im dark haired and so is dh they also resembled dhs family but my niece was the spit of me. My third dd looks just like me same colouring same eye colour even her personality is the same as me genetics are a funny thing!

M0rT · 01/05/2021 09:47

When we were small children people used to comment all the time on how much like our mother I looked and like our father my sister looked.
My sister would cry as she didn't want to look like a boy
It was all colouring based, I had black hair and dark eyes like my mother and my sister was fair with light eyes.
My sisters hair darkened as she grew up and now as adults we have to check clothes sometimes in 10yr old photos to see whether it's my Mam or sister!
My paternal grandmother died in her early 40s and I am 40 now.
One of my aunt's sometimes gets sad after she sees me as I look so like her mother.
Genetics are strange and wonderful.

idrinkchocolatemilk · 01/05/2021 09:48

I looked like my dad when I was younger I’m not the spit of my mother apart from the eye colour.

My 4 year old was the spit of her dad and still kind of is but the older she’s getting the more she’s looking like me again but not the eye colour x

idrinkchocolatemilk · 01/05/2021 09:49

*now —not—

MindBodyChocolate · 01/05/2021 09:51

I’ve got very dark hair and both my DSs are very blond like their dad. To start with I did feel weirdly miffed but now I just think it’s amazing. Despite never having had blonde hair even as a child I obviously have a recessive blonde gene somewhere which has gone towards making these 2 new individuals.

Don’t worry about it - they’re people in their own right. Treasure that. And their hair may darken as they get older

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