To be sad my children don’t look like me

[lostteddyb]

I feel like I am being unreasonable, but it does upset me a little bit. My children look nothing like me at all. I have dark brown hair and DD has really blonde hair and DS’s is a dark blonde. Neither of them have my eye colour, but DS has my eye shape and that’s about it. They are both completely the spit of their dad. I feel awful for being upset about it but I always thought my DC would look like me, all my family resemble each other so I expecting my DC to as well. Has anyone else experienced this?

It really wouldn’t worry me to be honest. When DS was born he was the spitting image of MIL. As a child he looked very similar to me at roughly the same age. People now he’s adult differ as to which of his parents he is more like. Interestingly., I sent a recent photo of all of us to a cousin with whom Ive just reconnected after 25 years and he reckoned DS was very definitely a {my maiden name). But Ive never been particularly gratified by that - or indeed disappointed. It is what it is.

Now if you were talking about characteristics rather than looks - DS and DIL were moving house recently and DS was apparently fussing over where a particular piece of furniture should go and remarked that he was obviously getting like his Dad!!

The evolution aspect is very interesting, I wonder if this is is also why the dil/Mil relation is fraught because they could never be sure of the paternity of the grandchild and the effort they would have put in, in ye old days, where as the daughter child is definitely theirs, so could be evolution thing to push sons family away.

Of course I didn’t mean that my DD looked like her DH when she was born, she looked like Dad!

Sorry for the autocorrect

Dd looks like me
Ds looks like his dad (they have different dads)
But they are the spit of each other!

I expect DD is very grateful that she doesn't look like me

I find it amazing how much DC looks change over the years,

DC1 - absolute double of dad.
DC2 - absolute double of me.
DC3 - doesn't look particularly like me or dad but does look like both siblings, as if you'd taken DC1 and DC2 and mixed them together.

BUT . . . DC2 is now a teen and looks increasingly like dad. Eye shape and nose have changed, still has some similar features to me but I doubt anyone would comment on how alike we are now. I'm pretty furious about it actually 😳😂

Kids change. DS was the spit of me when he was a toddler - I had 2 black and white photos next to each other of him and me at the same age and crikey, we looked like twins (huge eyes, fat cheeks, ringlets, small chin, same grin).

Now he look like his dad (he has more of my build now - tall and lanky). Big nose (but we argue whose side of the family that’s from because my nose is perfect).

Oh and thank god he doesn’t have the ‘popcorn family’ teeth- they are quite strong but bloody wonky.

I have never given it a thought. I like to muse who in the previous generations they are like and can see family resemblances on one side or the other in looks and temperament wise but they are their own people. People really need to find something to worry about don't they, but you did say you know yabu.

Ds1 looks like his dad but has my brown eyes which is nice in a harry potter ish way. Ds2 also looks like his dad but has very blue eyes which are either from my mum or dh's dad. I find them fascinating.

I think it's a shame neither of them got dh's eyes, I've never been able to decide on their exact shade of green!

I know lots of children who started out looking very much like their dads who have changed over time into the image of their mums. My best friend's daughter particularly, the resemblance to her dad was striking as a baby and toddler, now school age and it's like looking at my friend when she was the same age.

DD was born looking very much like me in features but slightly different colouring, people comment on it all the time. She's still a baby, so I can only imagine this will go the other way and she.will end up her dad's double.

It's fair enough to wish there was some resemblance but as everyone has said it can change so much over time.

My DT's , although very different to each other looked like their dad when younger. Now a lot of people say DT1 is the image of me but some say he is still like DH. DH passed away a few years ago so I am happy his traits have lived on

It’s really interesting to hear about all your experiences. To answer a couple of questions, my family don’t think that DD looks anything like me but do say that she mad similar mannerisms sometimes. They say DS has my eyes. I suppose because I have dark brown hair, that was never blond as a child, I just expected brown haired children.

Never really thought about it and cannot even see it as my children are my flesh and blood. I can see similarities in other people's children pretty instantly though.

I guess I can understand that. I didn't feel that as I assumed our kids would all look like DH's family who have quite a strong resemblence and strong features. DD looks quite like my dad/his late sister, DS - people have said both that he looks just like me and the he looks just like his dad. Basically he's a real cross.

When dd was a younger, she was the spit of her dad, so much so that when you had photos of the 2 together as babies/toddlers you couldn't tell who was who. She looked absolutely nothing like me at all! Dd is now 16 and looks just like me. There's still time op!

I find genetics fascinating-how we end up with certain features and not others!

It could be that your children's looks change over time or they may be more like you in character.

I am the image of my mum and always have been. To the point that if we put pictures of us both at similar ages, side by side, it would be easy to think it was the same person! I have my dad's character though.

Similarly, my brother is our dad's double! My Dad sent a pic of himself (unbeknown to me) when he was younger and I actually had to message back to ask if it was him or dbro!

My sister on the other hand probably looks more like my dad.

On the other hand all my sons look like me eyes hair colour facial features. I never thought how my hubby must feel .he knows 100 percent they are his children and that's it .

I know what you mean. My DCs look nothing like me at all as I'm pasty white and DH is Indian. Although they don't really look like him either. We only make sense if we're all together.

They do sound alarmingly like me though. Not so much accent but turn of phrase, vocabulary and sense of humour.

On the plus side our disparate genes have somehow combined to make children who are considerably more attractive than either of us have ever been!

I do occasionally get asked if they're mine which is a bit disconcerting.

I do find it irritating that despite horrible pregnancies and damage to my body making them, the little sods look just like their father! Everyone says it, never that either of them look like me at all. But they are really cute so I forgive them. Plus when they are horrible teenage I will be able to pin the blame for the moodiness on dp when they clearly following his genetics.

Agree that they change! My sister always heavily favoured my dad’s side of the family as a child- same hair, same colouring, same ears. She’s 19 now and a couple of years ago we dug out a picture of my mum as a teen and they were honestly identical, if it weren’t for the 70s clothes I wouldn’t have been able to tell them apart. Strange!

i loved that my children look like the love of my life

So many children are blonde when they’re young and don’t end up blonde though. How many actual blonde adults do you know? I’d say it’s like 5% or less of the adults I know but more like 50% of the caucasian children I know.

I have almost black hair and my children are blonde. I have a feeling they will have my colouring when they are older.

Maybe they do look like you in some ways. My DS has my feet for instance. Also I think it’s one of those things that often the parent can’t see? One of my friends was really upset that her DC don’t look remotely like her but to the rest of us her 3 DC are the spitting image of her.