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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be sad my children don’t look like me

98 replies

lostteddyb · 30/04/2021 23:01

I feel like I am being unreasonable, but it does upset me a little bit. My children look nothing like me at all. I have dark brown hair and DD has really blonde hair and DS’s is a dark blonde. Neither of them have my eye colour, but DS has my eye shape and that’s about it. They are both completely the spit of their dad. I feel awful for being upset about it but I always thought my DC would look like me, all my family resemble each other so I expecting my DC to as well. Has anyone else experienced this?

OP posts:

youvegottenminuteslynn · 30/04/2021 23:41

I'm adopted so find this fascinating!

I happened to see someone randomly who looked like my total doppelgänger recently and was surprised how genuinely unsettling I found it, so it'll be interesting when I have children if they look like me how I feel!

Wearywithteens · 30/04/2021 23:44

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

CeeceeBloomingdale · 30/04/2021 23:49

My eldest is a teen and has my eyes and brows and at a push my skin tone, everything else is her dad. Everything is his side of the family, her build, height, bone structure, body shape. hair, lips etc etc yet people always say how alike we are. It's personality and mannerisms that do it.

My youngest is nothing like me, she looks more like her cousin than her own sister.

I'm nothing like my mum but very like my dad's side of the family. My cousin was often mistaken for my mum's daughter rather than me as they looked so alike.

I once read that babies are born looking more like their fathers as a weird evolution thing so they accept the baby as theirs and not question paternity

CeeceeBloomingdale · 30/04/2021 23:53

To add I had black hair, DD1 was born with brown hair that turned white blonde. It's now dark brown. DD2 was born blonde but has also darkened and will likely end up dark brown too.

ShortColdandGrey · 01/05/2021 00:00

My DD looks like her aunt my SIL. It really hit me when she took her out for the day while I was getting my hair done. I saw them walking down the street and they looked like mother and daughter

FlyingPandas · 01/05/2021 00:03

I am nondescript fair with lots of moles and freckles (which I hate), I have nondescript brown hair and nondescript (watery) blue eyes.

DH has lovely olive skin and brown eyes.

I have never had any desire for DC to look like me because objectively speaking, olive skin and brown eyes are a million times more attractive and desirable than the nondescript fairness and watery blue eyes. i love, love, love the fact that two of our 3 DC have inherited DH's colouring and feel a bit sad that poor DS2 ended up with my bleuurgh crappy fair skin and blue eyes. DS2 looks like me and I feel a bit sorry for him tbh.

I so wanted my DC to look like DH and have brown eyes . Can vividly remember the medics handing me DC1 in the delivery room, I had no idea whether he was a DS or DD but I didn't care about genitalia, absolute first thing I said (on seeing how dark DS1's eyes were, kind of slate blue-grey) was 'oh good, he's going to have brown eyes'. I was so bloody happy about that.

So if anything I"m sad that one of them does look like me.

MeAndHimAndHer · 01/05/2021 00:06

I have an adopted child and people often comment that we look alike! When she came to us she looked absolutely nothing like DH or I, but her beautiful ginger curls have become thick straight dark blonde hair like mine and because she has developed our mannerisms, she seems to look like us.
When people comment how much she looks like me I smile and say “she does, doesn’t she”.
I must admit I like to hear it, so I understand where you are coming from.

StrictlyAFemaleFemale · 01/05/2021 00:07

Maybe your grandchildren will look like you? Thats not so unusual.

IwantYouBack · 01/05/2021 00:07

I looked like my dad growing up and now I'm spit of my Mother.
They can change

Cattenberg · 01/05/2021 00:11

In my (limited) experience, most blond children have darker hair as adults. Young children’s facial features also change, especially their noses. Your children will probably resemble you in some ways.

Original poster

lostteddyb · 01/05/2021 00:16

Thank you everyone, comparing pics of me as a child and my DC I can see some similarities. I think if they had my hair colour people would think they looked similar to me.

OP posts:

Feckfeckfeck123 · 01/05/2021 00:17

Eldest ds looked just like DH when little. Around age 5 he started changing and now at 11 looks exactly like me. Ds2 is the spit of his dad and doubt he will change. Ds3 is a baby but also looks just like ds2/their dad. Tbh DH is better looking than me so I'm not sad about it.

Wobbitcatcher · 01/05/2021 00:25

My sister, my mum and I all look really similar and nothing like my Dad (ginger & fair). We get lots of comments about this on photos etc.

My son was born as my little mini me and everyone mentions how much he looks like my double and not much like my husband (which is funny because he has very similar colouring and could probably pass as a brother - he’s def not!) but they he is very much like me.

I know have a daughter who I’m told over and over is my husbands double and it irks me no end. I ah e a photo of myself as a baby where I look just like her and I’m quick to show people.

I think the contrast of being told one baby looks like you and now the other doesn’t is what’s harsh.

I’m sure that my daughter will end up looking more like me and my son will look more like his dad though as they grow up

KingdomScrolls · 01/05/2021 00:26

People always say DH is so like his dad, except he isn't his biological father (he's been his step dad since he was two), not everyone knows and their mannerisms, turns of phrase, facial expressions are very similar. I do understand where you're coming from when he was a baby DS just had my husband's face and dark hair, he only had my blue/grey eyes, everyone I'm biologically related to has blue eyes and I wished multiple times they wouldn't change. They didn't, also his baby hair fell out and grew back strawberry blonde and curly like mine. So now he has DHs face and my colouring. I also agree with others features take time to grow and develop and there are a lot more blonde children than adults in the UK.

iforgotyourenotbono · 01/05/2021 00:46

I look like my grandad 😂 my dd is my double and my son is my Dh, but when my dd was born she was my Dh and my son was my twin - they totally swapped. The older I've gotten the person I look most like is absolutely my grandad! Genetics are very strange!

elliejjtiny · 01/05/2021 00:48

Ds2 looks like I did at his age and my other 4 dc look like clones of dh. Dn looks more like me than my own dc do.

Pinkyavocado · 01/05/2021 00:48

I have 3. I’m blonde with blue eyes. The kids all have dark hair and brown eyes. They have none of my features either. I’ve never ever had someone tell me any of them are like me. They all look alike and like their dad. Doesn’t bother me to be honest.

Freecuthbert · 01/05/2021 01:20

I kind of have the opposite problem I guess. My daughter is mixed race but looks the spit of me and completely white. People assume she is white, for example a health visitor went to put white british on a form for something, I had to correct her and mentioned her caribbean heritage and she looked at me in disbelief. Then she tried to make some comment about how the closest option was white british and black caribbean which doesn't really fit my daughter, as if she thought I meant she is white caribbean or something? The rare occasion race gets brought up it feels like people think I am lying. I have been questioned about how black her dad is really. I don't care how my daughter looks or what her race is, but sometimes I wish she looked a bit like her dad because I'm sick of feeling like I have to justify her race when it comes up, and I hope as she gets older she won't be put in this position herself. My partner clings onto anything he thinks might resemble him, like he'll say he thinks she might have his ears. It makes me feel bad for him!

TedisnotH · 01/05/2021 01:48

My DD was the spit of her dad as a baby. But when she was a toddler, she looked just like me.
Now, as an adult, she looks like her. Bits are me, DH, older family, and just her.
Don't worry about it, they change so much from birth!

TheSandgroper · 01/05/2021 01:57

I am very like my father but everyone thought/thinks I look like my mother because my mannerisms are so very very like hers. I can still remember when a boyfriend had the realisation and pointed it out and how we looked at each other and laughed.

notangelinajolie · 01/05/2021 02:01

When me and SIL (DHs sister) went out with my daughter's people would assume they were hers. None of them look like me - they are the image of their dad's sister.

Maray1967 · 01/05/2021 07:50

My MIL still tries to claim that DH looks like her late brother - he looks nothing like him to the rest of us. He is the spitting image of his father’s father. Very clear. Skipped a generation as his father looks like his own mother, but DH is definitely just like his grandad . It clearly upsets her so no one says anything.
My two look like a blend of DH and my brother. One has my male relatives left handedness, the other not. My nephew is the spit of my DB and I love looking at him, it’s like rolling back the years. But it is insensitive if in-laws harp on about it. My MIl did use to go on about DC1 and DH a lot and I once said that did she not realise that he did look like my DB and therefore my DM who had already died? She stopped it after that.

devastating · 01/05/2021 07:55

@Lettuceforlunch

Genetics are a funny thing. It’s always strange when nieces and nephews look like you but your own children don’t!

In our family, DB’s children look nothing like him and very much like SIL. On the other side, BIL’s (DH’s bro) children could be ours. If we’re out with them all, people think they’re siblings.

Yes I find the niece and nephew thing strange too. My cousin looks much more like my Dad than my sister and I do, and when I see her resembling him in that way it’s weird.

Theunamedcat · 01/05/2021 08:08

My youngest two were apparently the spit of there father having "his blue eyes" etc (my eyes are blue too) under 5 ds1 did look like him but the more he has grown the more he looks like himself really he favours me a bit (when I was young and slim and had cheekbones) but mostly himself ds2 looks like dd but they have different fathers to the degree that people have believed she is his mom (12 years age gap) or that all three have three different fathers 🤣

ingeborg3 · 01/05/2021 08:08

When my boy was born, I kept looking at him closely for a sign of me... nothing. I felt so ashamed to be disappointed, for he was healthy and gorgeous, and I was an older mother, with a slim chance to have a child. Thank you for this thread...

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