Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be mad at new man for kissing me with a cold sore?.

82 replies

capturingdaydreams · 30/04/2021 21:35

I kissed him hello and only then noticed it. It's at the scabbed over stage so he says it's not infectious anymore (internet says differently) and he didn't think it would be an issue as none of his exes have ever got one. I told him it would've been nice if he'd given me a choice. Feels like a completely selfish thing to do. Also what are the chances of me getting infected??

OP posts:
Toilenstripes · 30/04/2021 21:37

Ewww whatever it is he was a dick. Bin him.

BeardieWeirdie · 30/04/2021 21:38

What she said

littlepattilou · 30/04/2021 21:42

Ewww gross. Bin him NOW.

If you start getting intimate with him/having sex incl oral, be prepared to have herpes! Happened to the daughter of my friend's work colleague.

Ten years ago, when she was 18, her new boyfriend gave her oral, when he had a cold sore. Gave her herpes down there.. I'm NOT kidding.

Ten years on, she probably still has it.

whatsthestory123 · 30/04/2021 21:43

he should have told you he had one and NOT kissed you

they are contageous when they scab and weep,after about day 3l4

only time will tell if it has passed to you

YANBU in the slightest

SnackSizeRaisin · 30/04/2021 21:44

I would ditch him for this

SnackSizeRaisin · 30/04/2021 21:45

Although apparently about 80% of the adult population have been exposed with or without realising, so you won't necessarily get any symptoms

Original poster
capturingdaydreams · 30/04/2021 21:48

@SnackSizeRaisin he also mentioned this. Said if I hadn't got them by now (early 40s) I probably have it and don't have symptoms

OP posts:
GrumpyTerrier · 30/04/2021 22:13

Are people seriously saying you should dump a guy for having a cold sore and that dating a person who gets cold sores will give you genital herpes? Judgement and ignorance. How lovely.

AnUnoriginalUsername · 30/04/2021 22:19

Ew. I'd be scrubbing my face, not that it would probably change anything.

I don't think I would date someone with coldsores because I'm not spending my time trying not to catch something off my partner.

But I certainly wouldn't date someone that can't be hygienic with their coldsores. He should know to try not to pass it on.

Suzi888 · 30/04/2021 22:21

Admittedly bit gross. Dumping him is a bit childish though.

ShirleyPhallus · 30/04/2021 22:26

If you start getting intimate with him/having sex incl oral, be prepared to have herpes! Happened to the daughter of my friend's work colleague.

Wow! With such a close link as that it must be true!

GiveIrelandBackToTheIrish · 30/04/2021 22:29

Is it really that deep tho

mummysharkk · 30/04/2021 22:33

I think this speaks volumes about the type of person he is.

To not allow you to make a choice but to kiss you I think is quite selfish - he got what he wanted and didn't risk you might say no.

Wonder if he has an sti he forgot to tell you about...
I wouldn't trust him.

PiscesScot · 30/04/2021 22:33

From www.nhs.uk

How genital herpes is passed on

Genital herpes is very easy to pass on (contagious) from the first tingling or itching of a new outbreak (before any blisters appear) to when sores have fully healed. You may also be able to pass on the virus even if you do not have any symptoms.

You can get genital herpes:

from skin-to-skin contact with the infected area (including vaginal, anal and oral sex)
when there are no visible sores or blisters

if a cold sore touches your genitals

by transferring the infection on fingers from someone else to your genitals

by sharing sex toys with someone who has herpes

OppsUpsSide · 30/04/2021 22:38

Wow! With such a close link as that it must be true!

Well my mother’s brother’s auntie’s friend said that happened to the son of her milkman so...

Advic3Pl3as3 · 30/04/2021 22:41

Your title is misleading. In your OP you said you kissed him.

Maybe he thought you’d already noticed and weren’t bothered.

Ontheboardwalk · 30/04/2021 22:45

I read it on MN so it must be true 😂

Seriously I’ve heard similar stories about a random BF and oral sex. Both the OPs man and the boyfriend of the girl are out of order. It's being able to make an informed choice of consent of risk of kissing someone with a cold sore

I'm also absolutely against people kissing babies on the lips for this reason as well. I do know a tragic story about this

Original poster
capturingdaydreams · 30/04/2021 22:47

Well we kissed each other hello. I saw he had a small scab on his lip but only when I pulled away. It's not like you spend ages looking at someone before you greet them!

OP posts:
Beeeeeeeeeeeeeep · 30/04/2021 22:49

@GrumpyTerrier

Are people seriously saying you should dump a guy for having a cold sore and that dating a person who gets cold sores will give you genital herpes? Judgement and ignorance. How lovely.
Well dating a person with cold sores definitely might give you the virus whether that's on the face or genitals, but really it's NBD. What is a BD is him kissing her with a cold sore without giving her a warning. That's dumpable, a couple of months in IMO
Beeeeeeeeeeeeeep · 30/04/2021 22:50

@ShirleyPhallus

If you start getting intimate with him/having sex incl oral, be prepared to have herpes! Happened to the daughter of my friend's work colleague.

Wow! With such a close link as that it must be true!

Well it happens! Happened to me with my ex husband
Sn0tnose · 30/04/2021 22:55

Are people seriously saying you should dump a guy for having a cold sore and that dating a person who gets cold sores will give you genital herpes? Judgement and ignorance. How lovely.

To be fair, that’s not what anyone has said. Some have said to dump him because he kissed the OP without telling her he had a cold sore. You can’t just go round infecting people with cold sores. It’s rude and anyone who does it absolutely should be judged. It’s a shitty thing to knowingly pass on to someone who doesn’t already get them.

The other poster said if you have oral sex with someone who has a cold sore, be prepared for the possibility that you’ll end up with genital herpes. That’s not ignorant at all. Mouth to genitals is a confirmed method of transition.

OP, fingers crossed for you that you get away with it. My DH gets cold sores and, touch wood, I don’t, so it’s entirely possible not to catch them if you’re careful when he first realises he’s getting one. Having said that, your fella is either a bit thick and/or doesn’t care. That would make me feel differently about him. You’re definitely not bu.

Original poster
capturingdaydreams · 30/04/2021 23:04

Also I had an ex who got them. Was never an issue. We just didn't kiss when he had one. I'm upset that he never gave me that choice.

OP posts:
JeanClaudeVanDammit · 30/04/2021 23:05

I don't think I would date someone with coldsores because I'm not spending my time trying not to catch something off my partner.

Good luck with dating someone who you can confirm doesn’t carry the herpes virus, since that only leaves you with about 1/3 of the adult population to choose from.

OP no, he shouldn’t have kissed you with a coldsore, that was unfair of him. I think some of the reactions here are a bit hyperbolic though.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 30/04/2021 23:06

@GrumpyTerrier

Are people seriously saying you should dump a guy for having a cold sore and that dating a person who gets cold sores will give you genital herpes? Judgement and ignorance. How lovely.
I don't think it's saying that, it's saying consent to exposure should be given.
AndroidsAliensAndWizards · 01/05/2021 02:14

I get cold sores. I kiss nobody when from the moment a hint of a tingle starts, I get maybe one a year. No kissing friends and family hello, no kissing dh and Im extra careful about suing my own mug etc. My dh of 20+ years has never had one.

If someone went to greet me with a kiss on the very rare chance they hadn't seen the scab I would turn my face away from them to stop them but that's never happened because I doubt many people would be happy to have an infectious active cold sore directly placed on their face, wether it's a partner or not. I'd assume someone coming to kiss me hadn't seen it and I would stop them.

Swipe left for the next trending thread