I don’t think some people here really understand what it’s like to lose your sex drive due to medication which is understandable because it’s pretty impossible to understand if you have a normally functioning sex drive. Sex drive ebbs and flows typically, so people think it’s like those times where you’re just not really in the mood / can’t really be bothered, but you’re not averse to it and could get in the mood with a bit of effort.
But in my experience (where a medication completely removed by sex drive for many years, and then occasionally it will come back and then go again) and those of others I’ve spoken to who’ve been through similar, it’s completely different to that. It’s not “I’m not in the mood”, it’s actually an aversion to sex. It was like anything related to sex had been cut out of my brain - just the idea of it made me feel ill, and any idea that I might have to do it actually made me distressed and scared.
It had nothing at all to do with my feelings for DH, and it’s really annoying when people say that a lack of sex must be due to loss of attraction or feeling as that’s not at all the case. Now it comes and goes like a switch being turned off and on, usually in time with my cycle (the medication that caused this was hormonal).
It’s been awful for my husband and bloody horrible for me too. I would give anything not to feel like this, and doctors certainly aren’t interested.
Anything I perceived as pressure from DH made matters so much worse - it becomes a vicious cycle where all physical intimacy goes because you’re worried they will take it as a cue that you’re up for sex, or will get upset and annoyed when you have to stop it, then the emotional blackmail starts (like packing all your underwear up to return).
He tried to let you down gently. You pushed the issue, he felt pressured and he snapped at you. You then acted in a way that will make it even more difficult for him to initiate any intimacy that’s not sex related. And it gets worse from there.
The best thing you could possibly do at this point is try to understand that this is not personal and in fact has no relation to whether he finds you attractive or not. You need have an open conversation about how you feel without placing blame or being manipulative of each other - it’s not your daily obviously but it’s not his either, you can’t change the fact you want sex and he can’t change the fact that he doesn’t while he’s on this medication. There’s no compromise to be had here. If he could just power through and get in the mood once things started, he would already be doing that.
Best thing you can do is to take sex off the table - say that you understand that right now he is struggling and has no interest in sex, so you’re not expecting any and won’t be initiating it. Say you would like more intimacy (cuddles, holding hands, kisses etc) and promise that you won’t be expecting it to turn into sex, and that it’s up to him when he’s ready. Then stick to it, or things will worsen again. If it is a case where it’s not as severe as what I’ve experienced, this increased intimacy is more likely to lead to him feeling comfortable to initiate sex when he feels he can.
Other than splitting up, that’s really your only option. Obviously you don’t have to stay in a sexless marriage, but he can’t make himself want sex and nobody should have sex they don’t want (i tried that early on, thinking I would get in the mood if i made the effort - it only made things worse).