SAHM’S are you happy? What is your life like?

[Nevermindgeorge]

I’m also a Sahm to my toddler Dd, precious to this I taught/worked full time for 17 years.

Why are you a Sahm, did you choose to be? Are you happy, what’s your daily life like?

I feel like they’re often looked down upon, especially in the U.K. (I’m British but in another country) where it seems a fantastic thing to spend the early years with your child, which was my aim.

I'm a SAHM. when I gave up work 5 years ago everybody said I'd be bored but I haven't been. I believe this is because I have NEVER EVER not even once watched daytime television.

You obviously don't parent that often to imagine that any parent has time to watch TV!!!

Oh fuck off with your goady nonsense. You're absolutely kidding yourself if you think that all SAHPs spend their days doing "naice" activities with their children. Sadly, I have seen for myself that this is not the case.

It seems important to you to big yourself up by insisting that WOHPs can't possibly be doing parenting as well as you are. I guess the proof is in the pudding - I look at my nearly 16yo dd and know that I must have got things pretty right. I don't actually care if you want to feel smug about the fact that you might have changed a few extra nappies. If it makes you feel better about yourself, enjoy that feeling.

You obviously don't parent that often to imagine that any parent has time to watch TV!!! The chance would be a fine thing. I think you rather gave yourself away there.

I'm a social worker, I can confirm that a large number of parents do nothing but watch TV all day.

@PerspicaciousGreen

*Franklyfrost
I don’t earn enough to cover child care. It’s beneficial up until the kids are 3-5 years.

Marriages can break down. If get a 50-50 split of assets it probably won’t be enough to meet all of your needs for the rest of your life. What do you do then? Also, wouldn’t it be more fair for both people in the relationship to work part time rather than one person keep the other (because once the kids are in school it’s all day leisure time).
Try finding a higher level part time job. Me and DH both working part time would struggle to earn as much as one of us working full time.*

That’s true. It’s unfair isn’t it.

I'm an ambitious person who became a SAHM last year, in response to the needs of my 3 year old. I've not read all the posts but I haven't yet seen any that refer to different kids having different needs. Many children may be very happy at nursery, or a childminder or with a nanny, while others may not want this. We had a fantastic childminder for 2 years but my son became progressively more upset at drop off as he got older. He clearly had a good relationship with the childminder herself (we have kept in touch and he clearly loves her, so the issue was not her) but was really struggling being separated from his parents. We tried various methods to improve this but after a year we couldn't put him through this any more and I gave up work to look after him. He is so much happier now and his confidence has grown too.

I plan to go back to work when our children are at school. It's been hard not earning a wage and I've personally struggled with this at times, but we have so much fun. We laugh a lot and I enjoy figuring out activities he'll enjoy and I will too! It's not a permanent state of affairs and I feel quite privileged that I can do it.

@paralysedbyinertia what on earth is this very angry post of yours about?

I have been a SAHM mum for 10 years now. My dc are now school age but are home educated. I have loved being at home with them, of course there are some days where bedtime can’t come soon enough but I feel really lucky that I have been able to spend to much time with my dc.

I'm not a stay at home mum, but my mum was a SAHM/housewife.. She had my brother and I, I always remember the house being spotless like a show room, dinner was always home cooked and the house was warm..both myself and my brother turned out highly educated with good jobs so I honestly think being around for your children and providing the comfort of being home does certainly help with your children thriving.. I say that as a working parent.

And that's not to say working parents aren't there for their kids.. I'm just talking about my experience with my mum and didn't want to derail the thread talking about working parents.

Having had inside experience of childcare centres I absolutely couldn't sent my child to daycare full time. My youngest is now over two so has started doing a few hours of nursery a day which my husband and I feel is appropriate, and I have started a small business which I'm hoping will grow.

I've been a SAHM for 5 years now and I wouldn't have had it any other way. Yes I have struggled with the lack of time to myself (DH works long hours), and sometimes I have struggled with feelings of jealousy that he gets to go and do grown up things every day! But I've also been able to do wonderful things like art galleries and museums (pre Covid) with our children which he has missed out on. I am glad the time has allowed me to learn a new skill which is allowing me to start a new business away from my old line of work.

Covid has definitely made us count our blessing that I am a SAHM, if I'd been in my old career we would have been screwed.

So yes, I have loved being a SAHM for the past few years and I'm glad to have to opportunity to transition to hopefully being a WAHM with a small business. After nearly 5 years I need something for myself again.

@LegoPoliceman

but apparently old enough to be out of the house for 10 hours a day

having a stranger change their nappies and feed them their food

BINGO!

But am I wrong?

@Parker231

We didn’t regard the nursery staff as strangers. We still send them Christmas cards. DT’s had the same key worker for four years and they became our babysitters.

Maybe your nursery, the nursery here is always having staff changes, staff moving up, moving on, changing rooms for their personal development etc

[quote Fizzwizzfozz]@paralysedbyinertia what on earth is this very angry post of yours about?[/quote]
I imagine, and the poster can feel free to correct me, that it's due to being repeatedly told that she isn't really raising her children/is farming them out to strangers and that she mustn't be doing much parenting if she thinks that a parent has time to watch television.

I'd be rather fucked off as well.

Just to chuck this into the childcare debate, I had a SAHM who was fucking horrible.

I would have been much better at full time daycare and then school with wrap around care until I was old enough to come home to a blissfully empty house.

The most important thing isn't if you stay home or go out to work, it's if you are a loving parent who isn't abusive.

My dc were in daycare four days a week because we needed the money. I missed them, I longed to be with them and I worried about them. Then, because my dc2 is disabled, I eventually had to quit work, but by this time all three of my kids were in school.

They are all completely unaffected by daycare, however, I suffered terribly and if I had my time again, wouldn't do it.

But am I wrong?

Well, seeing as the children are being looked after by childcare professionals who they see regularly, as opposed to "strangers"...

And as most children in childcare aren't spending 10 hours a time there...

Yes. Yes, you are wrong.

@LegoPoliceman oh right thanks for telling me. I hadn't read back but added my post about daytime television by coincidence then saw all this fuck off etc and was like wtf???

I haven't read through but if people are saying things like that then it is out of order.
The reason I have never watched daytime TV is because it is depressing and stultifying and that's why I haven't got fed up in the day not because I'm baking or crafting with my children because a lot of the time I'm not.

@LegoPoliceman

But am I wrong?

Well, seeing as the children are being looked after by childcare professionals who they see regularly, as opposed to "strangers"...

And as most children in childcare aren't spending 10 hours a time there...

Yes. Yes, you are wrong.

I'm talking from my experience and what I see first hand at my nursery (very nice nursery in very nice suburb of SW London)

I personally know 5
or 6 3 to 4 year olds that currently do 9/10 hours a day, 4/5 days a week.

I know that the nurseries have a fair amount of staff turn over. So yes, new staff are strangers.

Why can't we say it as we see it?

Childcare may be a necessity for some, but around here it's probably not. It's more for more money, bigger cars and bigger houses and more holidays.

As always with a sahm thread it's turned into a Woh Vs sah argument, with either side throwing insults. Different people make different choices and that's ok as what works for one family may not work for another.

I'm a sahm and this site can be boarding on bullying to us, however, the sahm on here telling working mums they aren't really parenting - that's uncalled for and not true.

As a sahm I hate the phrase 'im a full time mum.' All mums are full time, it's just different people are providing for their families in different ways

@owlpicture what's your problem? Why are you so keen so try and explain why it's so terrible? Insecure are we? Bless.

[quote Fizzwizzfozz]@paralysedbyinertia what on earth is this very angry post of yours about?[/quote]
The incredibly stupid, goady posts from @beachsidecafe.

I'm not at all worried about my own parenting choices. My dd is nearing adulthood now, and I know that I've done a good job because I couldn't be any prouder of the person that she had become. However, I also know that many working mothers (never fathers!) do struggle with guilt and anxiety because of outdated prejudices and the kind of smug nonsense being pushed by a number of posters on this thread. I don't think this kind of rubbish should be allowed to stand.

I have every respect for SAHMs and their right to make the choices that work for their own families. I'm sure that many of them are great parents, as was my own brilliant, lovely SAH mum. However, I do have an issue with people trying to seek validation for their own choices by denigrating the choices made by others. Contrary to what some on this thread might like to believe, SAHPs are not better parents than WOHPs and they are not producing better citizens, they are just managing their lives in a slightly different way. For the record, WOHPs are not better parents either. We're all just doing what works best for our families. Some parents in both groups will be brilliant. Some parents in both groups will be shit. And many parents in both groups will be somewhere in between.

Owlpicture- some of us aren’t saying it as you see it as in our homes and nurseries things are different.

[quote Trolleywool]@owlpicture what's your problem? Why are you so keen so try and explain why it's so terrible? Insecure are we? Bless.[/quote]
No, I'm not. Can't understand why some are vehemently defending their choice without conceding that there is a compromise - as with everything

Putting the ideal of super attentive SAHP against what one considers the worst possible version of WOHP isn't going to help anyone. The parent who just chooses to put their child in childcare all their waking hours is just as much a stereotype even if some meet it as the bonbon eating, soap opera watching SAHM (which my mother was very proud of being, she was a stereotype even to the point of actually hating parenting and children).

The whole idea that "no one else" but a parent can "instil values, manners, security, love, bonds and all the other things that are important" is bullshit, and dangerous bullshit at that I think. The whole cultural idea that mother is innately best is a large parcel of why we've a lack of support for SAHM and an incredibly high rate of isolation among parents of young children -- if it's innate, then we don't need to support it, those struggling must have something wrong, SAH can just get by on their children's love and the good feelings of motherhood, right?

My children have always had an at-home parent. I do believe it has benefits, but like everything else it also has risks - both for the parent(s) and the child(ren). Same with having home educated mine through primary and my oldest through his GCSEs (which are currently driving my nuts - I'm feeling some regret there at the moment which will hopefully pass soon). We've had some benefits, but we've also had our home-based lifestyle cause issues even when in the early years discussed we've tried to ensure they had community groups that enabled them to have wider connections and examples.

Oh, and my children make me food regularly - does that mean they're parenting me?

@Sweak

As always with a sahm thread it's turned into a Woh Vs sah argument, with either side throwing insults. Different people make different choices and that's ok as what works for one family may not work for another.

I'm a sahm and this site can be boarding on bullying to us, however, the sahm on here telling working mums they aren't really parenting - that's uncalled for and not true.

As a sahm I hate the phrase 'im a full time mum.' All mums are full time, it's just different people are providing for their families in different ways

The difference on here is that usually people who work say against SAHMs oh I could never do that, I like working or whatever (ie how they feel); whereas the other way round people always bring the welfare of the children into it, as if childcare is cruel (which is judgmental of their parenting). Neither side is covered in glory when it comes to these 'debates' but I find the latter worse personally.

how they feel*

Yes, it's kind of always about how they feel, isn't it...