AIBU to tell Mil to f**k off and she is a bad grandmother

[UhInLaws]

Having difficulty toilet training my autistic son. He is 3.
We have tried visuals (printing off a picture of our toilet and laminating it) to show while asking if he needs the toilet. Visual instructions in the toilet. Potty books, with potty songs and potty badges. Using chocolate reward and stickers. Putting underwear in his nappy so he feels the dampness more. And taking him every hour. But he does not understand as he pees 5 minutes after taking him.

Mil thinks its our fault he is not toilet trained and has a speech and language delay. Saying have you tried using a toilet set or are you talking to him as advice. Or wondering why we are having such difficulty. And if she isn't judging and blaming us she is judging my son when she is not ignoring him. For example when she sees him saying oh don’t you know your age in a patronizing manner. So basically focusing and pointing our the things she can't do.
AIBU to tell her to just F**K right off and tell her she is a terrible grandmother. I depise this women at this point. She is complete toxic narcissist.

[Rexasaurus]

We were talking about potty training with my mil who is almost 80. My son wasn’t trained yet & she said “he wouldn’t have had any choice if he was mine”.
So I enlightened her that it’s common for autistic kids to find it hard & not be trained till much later. I have friends with 10year olds that haven’t managed it.
In fairness to mil I suspect she went away & did some reading as next time we saw her she was more accommodating. She is a nice person though, I think just unaware. Your MIL sounds nasty and I’d be shutting down her talking about his “flaws” in front of him. That’s not nice at all.

For what it’s worth my DS is 6 & still hasn’t quite cracked it. He manages well at school mostly but is prone to a lot of accidents at home. It’s not as straightforward as those with NT children might think.

[Aprilshowersandhail]

My mil didn't want me potty training ds at all when she was around. Naked boys get sexual feelings apparently. Nappy on at all times.