What would you think of a father in this situation? Is it the system or does it reflect more on the man?

[moralduty]

Man pays over £1000 per month for the lease hire of a luxury brand new car and pays a quarter of this for his two children with his ex. This is calculated by the CMS. He doesn't pay towards school uniform or any extras, just the calculated amount. How does this system work? Do they really think that teenagers cost less than £10 a day? Is it fair that a father can spend four times as much a month on his car than his children? I know that some don't give anything at all and that's worse but the system stinks.

@toocold54

Does a teenager cost more than 300 a month really?

Are you being sarcastic or do you not have kids?
Food alone would amount to at least half that.

Lol. I personally did not find this at all. What are you feeding your kids that costs an extra £150 a month on your shopping?!

How much is a reasonable amount to receive for 1 child per month? Bearing in mind the RP would also be entitled to benefits etc

Are you aware that some lone resident parents actually earn too much to qualify for any benefits including cb? nope obviously not it's obvious how you view resident parents

@Wtfdoipick

How much is a reasonable amount to receive for 1 child per month? Bearing in mind the RP would also be entitled to benefits etc

Are you aware that some lone resident parents actually earn too much to qualify for any benefits including cb? nope obviously not it's obvious how you view resident parents

If they're earning enough to not be entitled to cb, over 50 grand, they're not destitute.

£71 a week on hobbies, £100 a week on wrap around care. Different situations cost Different amounts, there's £170 a week and she doesn't have anything to eat in that. Just because 1 person can live for a little amount doesn't mean everyone should aspire to

No one is saying the resident parent is destitute just that the nrp needs to pay to support their child at a reasonable level too

£71 a week on hobbies! I don't think you can spend that and then claim to be poor and oh kids are so expensive. That's a choice. And imo is excessive. If you can afford it, fine obviously but to use it as a "kids are soooo expensive" is bullshit.

I don’t think that a father in this situation is doing anything wrong.

£1000 a month is plenty in maintenance for two children, considering that these children have two parents and the other one is responsible for providing somewhere for their children to live and paying for their costs as well.

How much the father spends on a car or anything else is irrelevant as long as his children are provided for, and they are.

Why does someone have to be destitute for the NRP to pay for children they helped create

@Wtfdoipick

No one is saying the resident parent is destitute just that the nrp needs to pay to support their child at a reasonable level too

I agree but nobody can ever say how much that reasonable level should be can they?

At a first glance I'd guess he has a DP who is paying towards bills/the car.

@WhatWouldPhyllisCraneDo

Why does someone have to be destitute for the NRP to pay for children they helped create

Did I say that? No, no I did not. Just pointing out someone in 50k is not poor as suggested.

He's to be despised for not prioritising his children financially and for going by the CMS figures. It's perfectly possible to bypass the CMS (in fact, this is what a decent man would do) and pay a more reasonable amount.

@NailsNeedDoing

I don’t think that a father in this situation is doing anything wrong.

£1000 a month is plenty in maintenance for two children, considering that these children have two parents and the other one is responsible for providing somewhere for their children to live and paying for their costs as well.

How much the father spends on a car or anything else is irrelevant as long as his children are provided for, and they are.

It’s £1000 for a luxury car. And £250 for the kids.

@Nonmaquillee

He's to be despised for not prioritising his children financially and for going by the CMS figures. It's perfectly possible to bypass the CMS (in fact, this is what a decent man would do) and pay a more reasonable amount.

It's not at all possible if your ex demands it

@NailsNeedDoing

I don’t think that a father in this situation is doing anything wrong.

£1000 a month is plenty in maintenance for two children, considering that these children have two parents and the other one is responsible for providing somewhere for their children to live and paying for their costs as well.

How much the father spends on a car or anything else is irrelevant as long as his children are provided for, and they are.

The £1000 is what he is paying for the car, he is not paying that in maintenance.

@arethereanyleftatall

Hahaha at the 'do teenagers really cost £300 a month' comment. My dd today (perfectly typical day)...

Breakfast - porridge and punnet of blueberries - £3

Bus to school and back - £6

School lunch - £3

Food tech ingredients - £3

Phone - £1

Ballet after school - £10

Dinner - £5 (£3 piece of fish)

£31 already...

I haven't included 1 x third of our monthly bills (mortgage £500, council tax £250, elec/gas £125, sky etc £100, others £125) £1100 \ 3 = £400 ish so per day £10ish

I haven't included the cost of her school uniform (£500 this year, won't always be); or any of her other clothes.

I haven't included any contribution towards saving for holidays.

I haven't included anything like saving for big events, like birthdays, Christmas presents etc

I didn't include pocket money, or money for others birthday presents.

So, no £10 a day doesn't go anywhere near the cost of raising a child.

I'm also a single parent so not judging you with the benefit of two incomes but your spending is really not normal

Your breakfast cost is bonkers, you could get that for under £1, £30 a month for anyone's phone is crazy, I assume ballet isn't every day, and £5 for an evening meal

Of course I think fathers should pay appropriately but I'd be a bit if you expected me to fund that type of spending.

@NailsNeedDoing read the first post properly, he is paying £250 a month for two teenagers, not £1,000.

@TrustTheGeneGenie So if the family is comfortable with two parents in the home, can afford hobbies etc for the child, then one parent leaves, the children should suddenly have a massive change to their quality of life? Not because anyone is earning less, because dad still earns the same. But just because he doesn’t want to pay his full share anymore, just legal minimum? Are people really arguing that children of divorced parents don’t deserve to do the same hobbies anymore? Legally that probably wouldn’t be covered in the CMS calculation, morally it makes the NRP a dick.

The main point @Wtfdoipick made was around wrap-around care. If my husband suddenly left I’d have to pay more than £100pcm in wrap-around care to keep working and keep a roof over our heads. The resident parent still has to work to support their family and pay for a house big enough to house all the kids (which the NRP often doesn’t do, as pp have pointed out).

@TrustTheGeneGenie So if the family is comfortable with two parents in the home, can afford hobbies etc for the child, then one parent leaves, the children should suddenly have a massive change to their quality of life? Not because anyone is earning less, because dad still earns the same. But just because he doesn’t want to pay his full share anymore, just legal minimum? Are people really arguing that children of divorced parents don’t deserve to do the same hobbies anymore? Legally that probably wouldn’t be covered in the CMS calculation, morally it makes the NRP a dick.

It's difficult because you're assuming mum earns bugger all and dad is the higher earner. I do think it's inevitable things change when your parents divorce, tbh. If everyone can be amicable and carry on as was then great, and that's what you'd hope for, but the real world often is not like that.

Is there even going to be time for £70 a week of hobbies when you have another parent to see? Probably not, no.

Things do have to change. It's unrealistic to suggest they won't change at all.

Sorry, my mistake. I should really wait until at least 9am to post

Yay, competitive childrearing! 'Well, I bring mine up on fresh air and unicorn tears, you're just bonkers!'

I bet it's one of those wanky Teslers you see men of a certain age driving around in at the moment.

Tesla

@TrustTheGeneGenie That’s interesting, because I was actually imagining it as if the mum earns the same or more (my situation). Where in my post does it assume the mum earns bugger all?

So you think it’s inevitable that things change - mum suddenly has to cover full bills, full mortgage, full wrap around care etc on her salary, and dad only chucks a couple of hundred at them a month, so they have to give up their hobbies? I don’t think it’s fair that one parent (usually dad) can absolve themselves of responsibility for their children like that.

I would think he was an absolute nob. I'm sure he'll have no problem finding himself another woman to shack up with, one who will be bitter that he has to give his nasty ex his hard earned £250 a month, whilst spouting that children shouldn't cost this and that feckless mum wastes money.

See this thread for some live examples.

I would struggle to feed DS on £15 a week and he's 7, let alone a teenager. School dinners alone cost me £11 a week and that's one meal.