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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask is there a better version of Brighton

687 replies

Wondergirl100 · 26/04/2021 11:10

Sorry a bit cheeky to put on AIBU - but - it's an important question!!

Brighton - great vibes, creativity, open mindedness good schools - but overpriced and the countryside isn't amazing and there are no gardens.

So what is the alternative! Where else is open minded and fun and has sea air and countryside but is not ruined by hen dos and property prices. And needs to have good schools.

Sadly, I have to write off the whole of Kent as I don't approve of grammar system. Unless there is somewhere in Kent with good secondary moderns.

OP posts:
SarahAndQuack · 26/04/2021 13:35

@Erkrie

It's a bit nasty to pick on the OP for mentioning places being open minded, I think. Some people do have to worry about what their neighbours are like and whether they'll be treated badly. If you think that's all a bit of a joke, maybe consider whether this person's had experiences that make them a bit more cautious?

Well it depends what op is looking for. After all they say Brighton is open minded, but it's not open minded to everyone. It depends on what community op identifies with I guess ☺️

I think it's nasty whatever community the OP belongs to, TBH. We all know Brighton has a reputation for being LGBT-friendly; presumably it's that, but who knows?
Littlecaf · 26/04/2021 13:35

Erm. Brighton is literally next to a National Park! No countryside, what are you on about!

Love Brighton but the schools are not great, it’s expensive to live there and I’m always struck by how dirty the streets are.

Lots of other places are open minded.

Urbanhymngirl · 26/04/2021 13:36

*Wondergirl100

Know both Hove and Lewes well and too burby for me*

Also OP, if you want gardens then surely you will have to go 'burby'? Brighton has Westdene and Patcham and Hollingean etc and all have big houses with gardens but are quite 'burby'. Lewes isnt 'burby' either- it has lots of cobbled streets with terraces similar to Brighton.

Have you ever actually been to Brighton?

SuziQuatrosFatNan · 26/04/2021 13:39

It's a bit nasty to pick on the OP for mentioning places being open minded, I think. Some people do have to worry about what their neighbours are like and whether they'll be treated badly. If you think that's all a bit of a joke, maybe consider whether this person's had experiences that make them a bit more cautious?

True true. However middle class genuflection to councils that organise car free days and furry conventions while failing to address poverty, addiction and homelessness are a large part of the reason behind the "wall of blue" in the last election. Which isn't working out so great for anyone.

Erkrie · 26/04/2021 13:40

I think it's nasty whatever community the OP belongs to, TBH. We all know Brighton has a reputation for being LGBT-friendly; presumably it's that, but who knows?

Not really. As Brighton wouldn't be particularly welcoming to me. It's worth considering those things. But as you say, we don't know do we ☺️

DynamoKev · 26/04/2021 13:40

@Weeedonkey

I love the way anywhere outside London is at risk of being ' not open minded'. I know the BBC have fed the public a diet of Midsomer Murders and Doc Martin depicting anyone who doesn't live in a city as a superstitious, neurotic, half-wit but come on, there is normal life and most of us function quite well outside of the capital

London is open minded ...to crime 🤣

Yeah - open minded London where one of our most notorious racist murders occurred and an inquiry found institutional racism in the Police. Where you can be knifed for being in the wrong postcode.
cupcakesandcoffee · 26/04/2021 13:42

If you're open-minded to heading north then look at Cumbria. Both Keswick and Cockermouth have fantastic schools - very few private options available so education is truly comprehensive. Population has the highest number of PhDs per capita due to proximity to Sellafield, and St Bees is one of the most spectacular beaches in the UK.

It rains a lot though Grin

Piglet89 · 26/04/2021 13:45

@lidoshuffle and those others saying the South Downs is amazing; when you’re from Scotland and Northern Ireland where my husband and I, respectively, are from, it’s average countryside really. Pretty enough - not spectacular by any stretch.

SarahAndQuack · 26/04/2021 13:46

@Erkrie

I think it's nasty whatever community the OP belongs to, TBH. We all know Brighton has a reputation for being LGBT-friendly; presumably it's that, but who knows?

Not really. As Brighton wouldn't be particularly welcoming to me. It's worth considering those things. But as you say, we don't know do we ☺️

Confused

Are you really saying you think it's ok to be nasty to someone so long as they belong to a different community to you, just because you don't feel you'd be welcomed somewhere and they might?

Gosh you sound a delight. Maybe people aren't 'welcoming' to you because of the way you treat others.

Nonmaquillee · 26/04/2021 13:48

Brighton is totally overrated. It's busy - traffic and parking are a nightmare - and the house prices are ludicrous. No gardens to speak of unless you are very wealthy. Very divided socially between the DFLs and the Whitehawk estate, for example. Not always nice to be out and about at the weekend - rough.

There are far nicer seaside places in the UK.

I don't get the "openminded" thing - do you mean so woke and open minded that your brain has fallen out and you can't possibly think for yourself??

Ithinkyoucan · 26/04/2021 13:48

[quote Piglet89]@lidoshuffle and those others saying the South Downs is amazing; when you’re from Scotland and Northern Ireland where my husband and I, respectively, are from, it’s average countryside really. Pretty enough - not spectacular by any stretch.[/quote]
Depends what you like. I lived 27 years in Scotland and loved it but was never a fan of the wild there. I prefer the English countryside.

We're all different and that's what makes the world go around Grin

Urbanhymngirl · 26/04/2021 13:49

@Piglet89 I don't think its a competition to see who has the best scenery to be honest. I come from North wales near Snowdon which is pretty lush but I can still see how different and unique the chalk and downland habitat of the South Downs are Confused

Nonmaquillee · 26/04/2021 13:52

Oh yes - and the number of homeless people is really really shocking. I have never seen anything like it outside London.

DavidSebastianWaghorn · 26/04/2021 13:52

Agree with previous posters - Brighton's open-mindedness is performative; it's the most smug, self-satisfied city and having grown up nearby I find it very tiresome. Can you be more specific about what you want e.g. what do you mean by open-minded? If you want genuine openness as opposed to being in a Brighton-like bubble/echo chamber, I'd get out of the South-East altogether - agree with Belfast, Newcastle, Bristol, bits of South Wales maybe, depending on what you really want?

supermoonrising · 26/04/2021 13:52

Spain?

CecilyP · 26/04/2021 13:55

in Portsmouth! Got the laidback artistic vibe, the the sea and areas of common land etc. Lots to do and a great place to raise children

This is different but has a fair bit to recommend it. The beach is quieter and also sandy. Portsmouth is more interesting than Brighton with so much history which, with the exception of the pavilion, Brighton does not have. There are loads of shops and the new marina is not only great but central!

Ithinkyoucan · 26/04/2021 13:55

Are you really saying you think it's ok to be nasty to someone so long as they belong to a different community to you, just because you don't feel you'd be welcomed somewhere and they might? Gosh you sound a delight. Maybe people aren't 'welcoming' to you because of the way you treat others

I think you are talking a cross purposes. I think pp are making the point that there is a definite contingent of people who regard themselves as 'open-minded' and 'tolerant' but they are only tolerant of those with views they already agree with. This means people with different views experience those people as close-minded and intolerant (often in a very aggressive, ' I will take you down and destroy you if I can' type way).

Open-minded/ tolerant seems to have come to mean, ' I am totally cool with gay/ people of colour/ refugees etc' But all that is saying is 'I am totally open-minded with people I already feel favourable towards.'
But that is not what open-minded/ tolerant should mean. It should mean I am prepared to listen attentively to the positions of those I disagree with and try to understand their point of view and I think they have a right to express their point of view in society.

oranguflange · 26/04/2021 13:56

I know what you mean about open mindedness. Having lived in London, other cities and a small community in the countryside. I think you mean you want to find like minded non judgemental people. We live in London which we absolutely love but want to move out for better schools and more space. It’s tricky as we not a fan of commuter towns in general (over priced amc often lacking character) and also not keen on the grammar system which puts us off Kent.

I’ve never understood the hype about Brighton and have always thought it was rather skanky and druggie. If I could I’d go west as like the relaxed pace of life there Bristol is a lovely city but that’s not an option for us.

GreyhoundG1rl · 26/04/2021 13:56

You seem to have taken offence for no particular reason, SarahandQuack?

Erkrie hasn't said any of those things you've asked her if she's really saying Confused

Eskarina1 · 26/04/2021 13:57

I spent a lot of time in Brighton when younger and now live in Bristol. It has a lot of the positives but really doesn't feel like a city. Lots of my friends have moved to Clevedon which apparently feels similar but by the sea. No idea if that's true.

If you consider Hebden Bridge check the school situation. It's a secondary modern system but two state grammars serve the valley and some of the remaining schools suffered as a result.

SarahAndQuack · 26/04/2021 13:57

@Ithinkyoucan - I absolutely agree some people talk a lot about being open minded but are actually not.

But that doesn't justify picking on the OP. I've not seen any indication in her posts she's doing what you describe (am I missing something?).

And it's a really dickish thing to mock someone when, chances are, they are simply trying to figure out if they'll be safe/welcome where they live.

ladsholiday · 26/04/2021 13:58

Brighton is massively overrated.

SarahAndQuack · 26/04/2021 13:58

@GreyhoundG1rl

You seem to have taken offence for no particular reason, SarahandQuack? Erkrie hasn't said any of those things you've asked her if she's really saying Confused
Well, I guess we read it differently, and I'm sure she's capable of replying all by herself if I've misunderstood.
Erkrie · 26/04/2021 13:59

Are you really saying you think it's ok to be nasty to someone so long as they belong to a different community to you, just because you don't feel you'd be welcomed somewhere and they might?

No I'm not saying that at all. Read what's on the page, rather than what you think is on the page. I'm simply pointing out that Brighton isn't as open minded as one may first believe. Thus it's worth considering this.

Gosh you sound a delight. Maybe people aren't 'welcoming' to you because of the way you treat others.

You don't sound very open-minded and welcoming yourself. In fact you just sound rude. Do you happen to live in Brighton by any chance?

fellrunner85 · 26/04/2021 13:59

Hebden Bridge is the obvious choice if you're willing to go North. Nowhere near the sea, but the countryside is just perfect.