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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

House full of junk

100 replies

OverTheBend · 26/04/2021 07:14

DH inherited a house which we now live in with our one year old. I know I'm really lucky to have this house to live in. Thing is the house is still full of stuff from the people who lived here before (DH's relatives). Every cupboard is stuffed full, all storage space is full. It's an old house and there's loads of storage. The amount of stuff is overwhelming. I've done what I can and basically emptied the cupboards we need to use but the stuff has just gone into the spare room so just kind of deferred the problem. There's also so much furniture. The room that is now our little ones bedroom had three desks, two chests, a storage cupboard and a sewing table in it! So they've gone in the spare room as well.

It's like pulling teeth getting DH to help. I'll say "we need to get rid of these desks" and he'll say things like "it's fine where it is, little one can use it when she's older". She's one! She doesn't need a massive desk any time soon. And definitely not three of them. And cleaning out the cupboards in her room I filled three large bags with towels and bedding sets (from just one half of one wardrobe) and all he could say was "can you go through it and see what we should keep". No I bloody can't. Its ancient. It smells musty. And besides, we already have our own stuff. Why do we need cupboards stuffed full of extra bedding and towels that we'll never use.

There's no point to this post. I'm just so fed up of feeling like I'm squatting in someone else's house. I don't feel like I can really hire a skip and chuck everything because DH wants to go through it all before throwing/donating but at the same time he doesn't have the time to do this.

OP posts:
Whinge · 26/04/2021 07:17

I'd just bag it up a few bits at a time and get rid. No conversations with him, just do it. It's just as much your house as it is his, and you shouldn't have to live in such a horrific mess.

Voomster953 · 26/04/2021 07:19

Is it his parents’ house? Is there an emotional attachment to all the crap?

I’d start listing things online and get it sold. If it’s potentially antique, I might take advice first or at least do some Google research. I’d dump all the grotty linens and old paperwork and general shit everywhere.

It’s not up to you to do it but you can’t live like this. Taking the lead might wake him up and make him help.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 26/04/2021 07:19

Book a skip.

iamthesandstorm · 26/04/2021 07:25

I couldn't live like that either. .It can be really overwhelming and bad for mental health. I think you really need to sit down and have a serious chat together. You need to make a home for both of you.

Meowchickameowmeow · 26/04/2021 07:25

Hire a skip and get rid of anything that's not worth selling or keeping, surrounded by junk is not a healthy way for anyone to live.

LawnFever · 26/04/2021 07:27

Would he even know if you started bagging stuff up and getting rid?

If it’s stuff in cupboards I’d just start doing it a bag at a time, and with duplicate furniture start listing it on FB marketplace or similar

Snowpaw · 26/04/2021 07:32

Would hiring a storage unit be an option? Get everything that isn’t your own sent there and then arrange times when you are both able to go through the stuff and decide what to do with it.

Caterinaballerina · 26/04/2021 07:33

Do any of your local charities collect furniture. Are any of the charities ones that mean something to your DH or his family? Could you suggest arranging a collection of some of the items and point out how it will be nice to support the charity in the family’s name?

SnarkyBag · 26/04/2021 07:36

Hire a skip put things in it tell DH he’s welcome to trawl through the skip if he feels like it. Tell him you’re not living like this anymore and he can find time to step up and help or he can accept that you are going to deal with it. He doesn’t get to have it all his own way

sandgrown · 26/04/2021 07:36

Animal sanctuaries like towels . If the linen is good but just needs washing wash and send to charity . Just do one cupboard or box at a time.

SnarkyBag · 26/04/2021 07:38

@Snowpaw

Would hiring a storage unit be an option? Get everything that isn’t your own sent there and then arrange times when you are both able to go through the stuff and decide what to do with it.
Storage units are really expensive why waste money on storing junk you don’t need or want. If he won’t find he time when it’s right under his no he certainly won’t find the time to visit storage unit. Plus it’s an extra job for the OP having to move it there and then having to help sort it again!
dropthedeadhorse · 26/04/2021 07:39

Start by listing the furniture you don’t need on local selling or giving away groups. That’s a great way of getting rid of the big stuff for free

LeonoraFlorence · 26/04/2021 07:39

I’d do it gradually without him knowing. If it’s all stuffed in cupboards etc he won’t realise what’s there. Anything you come across of value/sentimental can go in a big plastic box stored somewhere.
As for the furniture, anything you don’t currently need has to go. A house is for living in. Perhaps repurpose a room at a time so it is useable and encourage him to sell the extra furniture to buy some new bits to freshen rooms up.

Whinge · 26/04/2021 07:39

Storage units are really expensive why waste money on storing junk you don’t need or want. If he won’t find he time when it’s right under his no he certainly won’t find the time to visit storage unit. Plus it’s an extra job for the OP having to move it there and then having to help sort it again!

I agree. Also if it was in a storage unit the OP loses one of her main arguments for clearing out the shit, as it's not in the house so he will claim it's not in the way.

OverTheBend · 26/04/2021 07:46

Thanks everyone. Good to know I'm not being ridiculous for not wanting to live like this.

OP posts:
Oneeyeopen · 26/04/2021 07:51

Break it up into small jobs.
Go through one cupboard a week, on you own if necessary.
If you think your dh would like a particular item then leave it out for him to see.
This way it is manageable and your dh will realise that you’re not just throwing everything out in one go.
When my fil died one cupboard had every set of curtains ever used in the house (55years). The charity shop got to know our faces very well!

purpledagger · 26/04/2021 07:52

I think you need to crack on and just start to clear out. The bedding was a good place to start as there is less emotional attachment there. Also get rid of anything broken, crockery is also another easy win.

With the big items like furniture, I'd suggest selling it and encouraging your OH buy something with some of the money to remember the person who left him the house. That may be an incentive for him to part with some of these items.

StoneofDestiny · 26/04/2021 07:55

Will a charity not be interested in the furniture? That way he might feel it's 'gone to a good home'.

JackieWeaverFever · 26/04/2021 08:00

Start clearing it
So with the towels and bedding say "great " and throw it all away. Slowly remove items and donate to charity.

The desk (&similar) stick it on eBay/gum tree for £20 And use the money to redecorate paint / curtains / carpet etc.

Modestandatinybitsexy · 26/04/2021 08:08

I don't think I could live like this. I would have had to move everything out before we moved in, or it will never feel like yours.

Does DH feel like because he's inherited it all he can't make changes? If you make the arrangements will DH accept it? Maybe you could give him some post it's to mark anything to keep (don't give him too many!)

Can you talk to him about how it's making you feel and that you want it all gone? Do you have any local charities that deal with house clearance, or an auction house you could arrange to sell some furniture?

SlatternIsMyMiddleName · 26/04/2021 08:14

I was in a similar situation but it was my family’s stuff. I put everything I could into one room and then but an invite out to all my cousins to come and take whatever they wanted. Whatever was left I got rid.

spotcheck · 26/04/2021 08:18

So, have you totally inherited the house, or is it just yours to live in for a time?

porridgecake · 26/04/2021 08:21

British Heart Foundation will come and collect furniture.
Get a couple of valuations for insurance purposes, that way you are more likely to get an honest valuation of any antiques. Then you can decide whether to sell or donate. Deal with the furniture first, then you will have more room to sort out the smaller things.

Purplewithred · 26/04/2021 08:24

Your problem is DH, not the stuff. This isn’t normal and to tackle it you need to understand why he feels this way.

XDH was a bit of a hoarder - it often is triggered by some kind of traumatic loss or abandonment. Anything like this in his background? Or did he come from a ‘wartime-keep-everything-just-in-case’ family? Maybe if you understand the roots you can tackle it.

If it’s nothing like that then just announce you are doing it and get on with it. It’s your and your daughter’s home too. If you couldn’t bear to live like that any longer and insisted on moving out with or without him what would he do?

Mellonsprite · 26/04/2021 08:27

Just start doing it on your own.
We’re dealing with a relatives house and we’re slowly binning kitchen equipment (loads), thrown away bedding and towels, given a lot of clothes to a charity who came and collected, taken shoes to a charity shop, recycled and given away books, advertising some furniture on FB for free to get rid. The rest will be put in a skip or taken to the tip. You absolutely can’t have 2 (or 3!) sets of furniture, it’s just not feasible and I know it losing space to someone’s stuff does start impacting on your MH, if like me you value space.
I would say to your DH, we only have room for 1 desk, which one are we keeping, then that’s it, job done ; decision made.