Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

House full of junk

100 replies

OverTheBend · 26/04/2021 07:14

DH inherited a house which we now live in with our one year old. I know I'm really lucky to have this house to live in. Thing is the house is still full of stuff from the people who lived here before (DH's relatives). Every cupboard is stuffed full, all storage space is full. It's an old house and there's loads of storage. The amount of stuff is overwhelming. I've done what I can and basically emptied the cupboards we need to use but the stuff has just gone into the spare room so just kind of deferred the problem. There's also so much furniture. The room that is now our little ones bedroom had three desks, two chests, a storage cupboard and a sewing table in it! So they've gone in the spare room as well.

It's like pulling teeth getting DH to help. I'll say "we need to get rid of these desks" and he'll say things like "it's fine where it is, little one can use it when she's older". She's one! She doesn't need a massive desk any time soon. And definitely not three of them. And cleaning out the cupboards in her room I filled three large bags with towels and bedding sets (from just one half of one wardrobe) and all he could say was "can you go through it and see what we should keep". No I bloody can't. Its ancient. It smells musty. And besides, we already have our own stuff. Why do we need cupboards stuffed full of extra bedding and towels that we'll never use.

There's no point to this post. I'm just so fed up of feeling like I'm squatting in someone else's house. I don't feel like I can really hire a skip and chuck everything because DH wants to go through it all before throwing/donating but at the same time he doesn't have the time to do this.

OP posts:
LittleOwl153 · 26/04/2021 10:38

@MusicWithRocksIn1t If it is still in your babies room then this is your problem. Move it to somewhere he has to deal with it. He needs to sort it - you can understand that he wants to keep things of his dad's. But it cannot impeed on your baby. I assume the baby is growing and will not be a baby for long and will need to be allowed to play in his/her room - but it is not safe with a pile of old stuff in bags / boxes in there! Good Luck.

LittleOwl153 · 26/04/2021 10:42

@OverTheBend How many rooms of the house do your family occupy? If you have a geniunely spare room (that is not destined to become a planned future child's room - as this could get very difficult) then I would suggest that you go through each space that you do use - bit by bit and offload into there. Once the space runs out he has to sort or then next cupboard you empty will need to be chucked. Remove all the old stuff from every room you use. Utilise or remove furniture. Make the space your own. Good Luck!

Ariela · 26/04/2021 10:42

Old sheets & towels - check the quality before you get rid: a decent wash and dry outside and you may find you have some gems, I'm still using my parents old bed linen it's outlasted anything I've bought more recently.

Personally I'd wash, dry on the line and get a dog rescue to take at least the towels, and offer the linen as a job lot free to collector on FB Marketplace. Do a little at a time, a little every day and it'll get done.

steppemum · 26/04/2021 11:49

agree with ariela

My Granny had almost new John Lewis bath sheets, they were lovely!
Dh and I used them as our bath towels for 20 years!
Also quite a few brand new and unopened things in her linen cupboard. Worth going through.
But at the same time, you need to feel free to throw things away that you don't like.

swimlittlefishy · 26/04/2021 11:53

How would you feel if your DH started binning your possessions?shock

They aren't his possesions though. They're just a load of auld shite left in the house for years and years.

halcyondays · 26/04/2021 11:59

Of course they are his, he inherited them. If someone’s dh threw out things they’d inherited from family without asking them, would people say this was fine?

JudgeJ · 26/04/2021 12:08

@SnarkyBag

Hire a skip put things in it tell DH he’s welcome to trawl through the skip if he feels like it. Tell him you’re not living like this anymore and he can find time to step up and help or he can accept that you are going to deal with it. He doesn’t get to have it all his own way
It's his family's history, it's annoying to have it all there, I know from experience, but how would you feel if he decided to throw all your stuff out that he doesn't like? Would you like to be told to crawl into a skip to get your stuff out? It needs to be dealt with by both of you, I have a load of stuff from my late MIL's house which also had stuff from her brother's house. Now my OH has gone I feel I can't throw it our but I know I must.
swimlittlefishy · 26/04/2021 12:10

@halcyondays

Of course they are his, he inherited them. If someone’s dh threw out things they’d inherited from family without asking them, would people say this was fine?
It does not appear he did, actually.
Fieldsofstars · 26/04/2021 12:28

I couldn’t live like that but I wouldn’t have moved in until it was sorted first.

AMillionMilesAway · 26/04/2021 12:33

OP you have two problems.
The first is your DH not being on board with it.
The second is easier. As someone who has been doing a massive clear out since the first lockdown, tackle one space at a time- so eg for a room with loads of junk, clear one area at a time. It can take a few days/weeks, but after a while you start to see a real difference. Charity shops will sometimes collect furniture.

WoolieLiberal · 26/04/2021 12:35

One word...

SKIP

Gingernaut · 26/04/2021 12:38

Sort out the quality stuff you would like to keep.

Decide whether the naff stuff you're not keeping is worth anything

If it's not worth much, decide whether the money it would bring in on Ebay or Facebook Marketplace is worth the hassle of selling it.

If it's not worth anything at all, donate it to charities, museums, interest groups and start getting rid.

Gingernaut · 26/04/2021 12:39

If it's personal letters, scrapbooks or collections of stamps etc, keep it safe and see if anyone else in the family wants it.

If it's out and out rubbish, bin it.

Divebar2021 · 26/04/2021 12:47

Your DH needs to take a day off to go through it. It’s not possible to be sentimental about every single thing.... agree a number of items that he would cherish... take photos of the rest if necessary. We have just helped clear out FILs place and we all chose what we wanted. I chose little bits and pieces ( a nice pen, a vintage bangle ) and DH chose some glassware and a chair. The rest will be sold or donated. Some stuff will have a value if it’s the right look ( 60’s 70’s) or obviously vintage / antique. You could even put some stuff on the drive saying help yourself if you think it’s useful. It’s absolutely suffocating to live with clutter & stuff - especially if not chosen by you.

OverTheBend · 26/04/2021 12:50

AMillionMilesAway yes, one room at a time is the way to go. There's a nice little room off the kitchen/diner which I wanted to turn into a play space for DD so I think I'll tackle that next. It's hard getting furniture down the stairs by myself. That's one of my difficulties tbh and why I've stalled and got very annoyed with the whole thing. The bedrooms I managed because I just pushed all the extra furniture into the spare room and shut the door. Can't do that for the downstairs.

OP posts:
youshallnotpass9 · 26/04/2021 12:51

Depending on size of rooms, take a room, tell your DH and relatives who may have a stake in any possessions (I would email them so you have it writing) what you are doing and then do that room. Do one a week/month but make sure everyone knows what you are doing and they are alright with it.

I also agree with people who are saying get yourself protected if you are not.

Slayduggee · 26/04/2021 13:00

I would prioritise one room at a time and it’s best to start with emptying the cupboard and then filling them with the stuff that actually needs to be in there.

My DH was like this and he never throws anything out and must have about 200 pairs of socks, etc.

When we were a couple of was not that annoying but I didn’t notice him gradually taking over the whole house with every bit of storage taken up with his junk (think multiple drawers of wires, adaptors, etc for electronics he no longer has, etc).

I wanted to cry when out DD came along and there was no room to put her clothes or her cot, etc.

I lost my shit and went to stay in an Airbnb for a few days and the room was 80% cleared.

I’m still clearing crap now. Fortunately, I’m wfh and DH works outside the home. So I can bag up 3/4 bin bags and take to the tip when he isn’t there. It’s not safe or clean to have piles of crap everywhere when you have young children.

Fortunate

Cowbells · 26/04/2021 15:36

You can use the 'choose three things' rule. DH and each of DC can choose up to three things they want to keep. The rest gets sold, donated or binned. It would be good for DC to help you pack stuff up for charity.

OverTheBend · 26/04/2021 15:48

Cowbells my daughter is one. I think choosing items and packing things up for charity is a bit beyond her 🤣 that did make me chuckle though.

OP posts:
Loveistheonlyhipe · 26/04/2021 16:14

My friend got so fed up with DH old crappy furniture that she dragged it out onto the kerb and started smashing it up with a sledgehammer, soon got the message across that she'd had enough. Good luck OP x

Cowbells · 26/04/2021 21:26

@OverTheBend

Cowbells my daughter is one. I think choosing items and packing things up for charity is a bit beyond her 🤣 that did make me chuckle though.
LOL. That would be a bit much! Grin
Thatisnotwhatisaid · 26/04/2021 21:54

This would drive me mad. You’re going to have to be totally ruthless and either hire a skip or arrange for the bigger items to be collected and bag the smaller stuff up to take to charity shops or the tip. I hate clutter, it makes my mind feel cluttered!

wellhellohi · 26/04/2021 22:14

He doesn't know what's there so he won't miss it. Bag it up and take it out one bag at a time.

You will get through it eventually.

RowanAlong · 26/04/2021 22:14

If you leave it to your husband to decide, sounds like you’ll be living with all the junk forever! Assuming it’s not personal or parents’ stuff, I’d be more quietly getting on with emptying cupboards and taking the smaller bits to the charity shops!

Llamasally · 27/04/2021 01:48

My DH is a bit of a hoarder. As PP said, my advice is to just Chuck things out gradually and don’t mention it. He won’t notice, he won’t even know what you’ve got. Things that are debatable for keeping put to one side so he has a manageable amount to look through. Don’t leave anything in this pile you really don’t want!

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread