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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Livid .. He ended it by text

85 replies

babbi · 25/04/2021 18:40

Just want to vent really ..
Previously was married for 22 years , we split and got back together 2 years ago , though maintained our own homes .
He was here yesterday evening for dinner , in our bubble as we share a child .

He has just sent a text to end it as he loves me more than I love him and it hurts him ...

The same weekend that I got the news that my siblings cancer has spread and things are very challenging for them .... oh and I’m dealing with parents in their 80s with dementia ...
Terrible timing ...
I’ll have to hide this from my child until her exams are over ...

AIBU to feel that he is a coward and should have told me in person ?

OP posts:
Wellpark · 25/04/2021 18:42

You deserve much better. Tell him how his use of text makes you feel.

rothbury · 25/04/2021 18:59

Why do you have to hide this from your near adult child? I really wouldn't advise this if you want them to trust you going forwards....... Flowers

Original poster
babbi · 25/04/2021 19:03

Just for another week until exams are completed .. @rothbury
she’s already very upset that my sibling is much more poorly than previously thought ..

I thought that was best for her ..
thanks for your input .. I’ll think about what you have said .

@Wellpark thanks for your kind words

OP posts:
RachelRavenR0th · 25/04/2021 19:03

He has just sent a text to end it as he loves me more than I love him and it hurts him
Hmm

You are better iff without him.

rothbury · 25/04/2021 19:06

Apologies - in my mind exams meant until end May/Mid June. If it's just another week then yeah, I get your point.

He is an arse and you will be much better off on your own.

Blueskytoday06 · 25/04/2021 19:07

Does he love you more than you love him ? If so as hard as it is ...do you think he might be right in ending it?

OvertheRainbow2U · 25/04/2021 19:07

Do you love him? Is it a friendship or are you in a romantic relationship? Does he want more than you can give? I find that sending a text message is sometimes easier than a conversation (not me personally)..

SummerHouse · 25/04/2021 19:07

I would be worried about him. How is his mental health? That's not normal unless he is an utter twat?

If that's the case then so very clearly you deserve so much better than this.

Funnyface1 · 25/04/2021 19:11

You have to know that you deserve someone who would never do this to you. Now you have the chance to meet them when the time comes. Stay strong.

User0ne · 25/04/2021 19:13

The guys an arsehole. You're better off without someone who drops you in it when you're in need of support.

I wouldn't hide it from my children; let them see him for what he is.

Hope you are ok and have support in real life

Butwasitherdriveway · 25/04/2021 19:14

Sorry to be that guy...

Did something happen to make him think that?

Original poster
babbi · 25/04/2021 19:19

Thanks all , I really appreciate your responses.
I do have support in real life , good friends who will help .

People move on and it’s fine to end things if that’s how he feels .
It’s just a text after I spoke to him 15 mins before seemed so impersonal.
I think I’m just shocked as I thought we were stronger than that and did support each other .

I’ve supported him after both a heart attack and covid last year and also the death of his parent ..

I’ll be fine , I just obviously got it wrong and though we would be supportive of other mutually ..

Thanks again , I really do appreciate you all taking the time to reply .

It’s best I know now that I’ll be on my own as I have a tough journey over the next couple of years ..

OP posts:
CuriousaboutSamphire · 25/04/2021 19:19

Does he mean that your current focus on your sister has made him feel unloved?

Too self absorbed to be worth any of your time.

Theunamedcat · 25/04/2021 19:20

Let me guess your focusing on you and your problems and he cant take it

I would struggle to find a reply that didn't involve the words arsehole cunt and fuck off to the hole you crawled out of

I'm sorry your life is shit right now if he really loved you he would support you imho

CuriousaboutSamphire · 25/04/2021 19:20

Sorry, sibling.

Original poster
babbi · 25/04/2021 19:21

@Butwasitherdriveway
I’m stumped . He was here for dinner last night and making plans to go away for a weekend next month ...
I’ve honestly no idea why this happened today .

OP posts:
katy1213 · 25/04/2021 19:21

At the end of the week, I'd be very tempted to show this to your daughter who might as well as know that her father is pondlife.
Seems you made the right decision when you split two years ago.

Original poster
babbi · 25/04/2021 19:24

@katy1213
That bit about splitting before made me laugh 😂
It’s so true .. “ he is an ex for a reason “

Shoot me now ... I should have been smarter than that 🙄

OP posts:
katy1213 · 25/04/2021 19:27

AS long as you're not saying it again in another two years!
Don't suppose anyone will ever love him as much as he loves himself!

tara66 · 25/04/2021 19:46

Very sorry this has happened. He seems a coward who doesn't know his own mind.

ToChangeorNotToChange · 25/04/2021 20:00

[quote babbi]@Butwasitherdriveway
I’m stumped . He was here for dinner last night and making plans to go away for a weekend next month ...
I’ve honestly no idea why this happened today .[/quote]
Did he know about your sibling being ill? Because this stinks of 'oh no, now I wont be absolute number 1 priority, let me throw out some melodramatics so only I get attention'.

Tell him to jog on.

DeciduousPerennial · 25/04/2021 20:04

So last year you supported him through him covid and the death of a parent. You’ve had 2 years of living separately, which he’s apparently been quite happy with?

But you’ve now had some awful news about a sibling which means you will need his support and understanding, and may mean you have less focus for him.

This doesn’t seem like you love him less than he loves you. This smacks of “I’m going to have to be a human and put myself second for a while and I don’t think I can’t be arsed.”

Magnificentmug12 · 25/04/2021 20:06

Normally when someone says something like that it’s to be reassured that they are loved.....this is what stroppy teenagers do though, not full grown, emotionally developed adults, and certainly not at a time like this when your going through so much.

Shehasadiamondinthesky · 25/04/2021 20:07

He is a vile coward, make sure you never take this pathetic specimin back.

Shehasadiamondinthesky · 25/04/2021 20:07

Specimen.