Livid .. He ended it by text

[babbi]

Just want to vent really ..
Previously was married for 22 years , we split and got back together 2 years ago , though maintained our own homes .
He was here yesterday evening for dinner , in our bubble as we share a child .

He has just sent a text to end it as he loves me more than I love him and it hurts him ...

The same weekend that I got the news that my siblings cancer has spread and things are very challenging for them .... oh and I’m dealing with parents in their 80s with dementia ...
Terrible timing ...
I’ll have to hide this from my child until her exams are over ...

AIBU to feel that he is a coward and should have told me in person ?

[PicsInRed]

He was using you whilst unwell and bereaved, now you're going through similar with unwell parents and sibling... he's outta here.

Is your child old enough to facilitate their own contact? If so, block this user. When things are going well for you, he'll be back to use you again, which is why he tried to leave it "sweet" with that "love you more" guff.

Remember his abandonment at YOUR moment of need and never ever take him back.

[CirclesWithinCircles]

Hmmn, you live separately, and if he's recently had a heart attack, I think its safe to say he's not in the first flush of youth and won't find it easy to hook up with a new girlfriend quickly. So I'm saying I smell a rat with him and theres someone else.

[IamnotH]

This smacks of him wanting reassurance that you love him. If you love him as much as he loves you why don't you call and tell him that? What have you got to lose?

If you don't live him like he loves you then he was right to end it (not my text though)

[ToChangeorNotToChange]

If you love him as much as he loves you why don't you call and tell him that?

Because the OP has far more self respect I'm sure. Worst advice ever, no woman would give in to a man throwing a wobbler because they not Super Special Priority for five minute. The only thing I'd be expecting from himself now is an apology for acting like a whiny 12 year old.

[blobblob]

Is he right? Does he love you more than you love him? Are you just "back together" because it's an easy, cosy relationship and makes co-parenting simpler? Does he want more, (love? sex? attention? future?) and you're "just friends"?
He's possibly been giving you signals and more for ages and in the end he thinks this is the best way.
I'd encourage any woman to leave in that situtation too. Maybe you can both move on. It doesn't make him an arse.

[Zucker]

How closely did your reconciliation coincide with his heart attack, covid and his parents dying? As previous posters put it it looks like he isn't willing to be there for you in the same way. Make this the last time you break up for your own sake.

[NeverDropYourMoonCup]

So the tosser is jealous of your mind being on other things, rather than solely upon him, then?

Stay livid. He wants you to dance for him.

[Butwasitherdriveway]

@ToChangeorNotToChange

If you love him as much as he loves you why don't you call and tell him that?

Because the OP has far more self respect I'm sure. Worst advice ever, no woman would give in to a man throwing a wobbler because they not Super Special Priority for five minute. The only thing I'd be expecting from himself now is an apology for acting like a whiny 12 year old.

Would you say that to a woman who finished it because she didn't feel loved by her partner

No. Course you wouldn't.

[babbi]

Thanks all for taking the time to comment .
He asked me if it was worth us trying again ( it was an intimate relationship , ) and had a heart attack about 6 months later , covid 5 months after that .. bereavement just 4 months ago .

As I said , if he wants to spilt fine , I just felt that I was owed more than a text and not this weekend when I am flat out trying to support an absolutely devastated family .

He could have told me next week in person when I was a bit more back on my feet .

Previous poster was correct ... petulant child ... and a bit selfish .

I’ve just had a long walk with a friend so I feel a bit better.

Thank you sincerely all for your support.
You’re very kind and it has helped tremendously.

He and I are definitely done now .
I’ve got a mammoth task ahead of me and I cannot deal with any uncertainty with him too .
Better to know my status ie single and going it alone than later on because times are going to get tougher for me .
I need supporters on my team , not more strife to deal with .

Cheers everyone.

[IamnotH]

@ToChangeorNotToChange

If you love him as much as he loves you why don't you call and tell him that?

Because the OP has far more self respect I'm sure. Worst advice ever, no woman would give in to a man throwing a wobbler because they not Super Special Priority for five minute. The only thing I'd be expecting from himself now is an apology for acting like a whiny 12 year old.

Oh for goodness sake. There's no shame in feeling unloved- even if you have a penis.

If the roles were reversed here and the OP said she'd ended a relationship because she felt unloved the replies would be saying "if he really loved you he'd tell you".

[MadMadMadamMim]

I'd be tempted to text That is such a disgracefully cowardly and disrespectful way to end any relationship that I now have nothing but contempt for you. The ridiculous cliched phrasing was probably the final straw. I will inform our DD of this after her exams have finished.

Then I'd block him.

[Porcupineintherough]

Do you love him? Because I have to say it doesnt sound like it. Which is good, under the circumstances obviously.

But yes, he owed you more than a text.

[Butwasitherdriveway]

@IamnotH I agree.

In what world is he in the wrong here

Oh sorry. He's a man. My bad.

[ToChangeorNotToChange]

Would you say that to a woman who finished it because she didn't feel loved by her partner

If the roles were reversed here and the OP said she'd ended a relationship because she felt unloved the replies would be saying "if he really loved you he'd tell you".

If the roles were reversed? The op came on saying how her boyfriend had been there for her during a severe health episode and a death of a parent, but he now suddenly seems distracted by own family worries and she now feels 'less loved'? I'd tell the OP to get a damn grip with bells on, regardless of sex.

[HollowTalk]

Just say, "Look the reason I don't love you as much as you love me is because you're a selfish knob. Why would I love you as much?"

[Butwasitherdriveway]

@ToChangeorNotToChange

Would you say that to a woman who finished it because she didn't feel loved by her partner

If the roles were reversed here and the OP said she'd ended a relationship because she felt unloved the replies would be saying "if he really loved you he'd tell you".

If the roles were reversed? The op came on saying how her boyfriend had been there for her during a severe health episode and a death of a parent, but he now suddenly seems distracted by own family worries and she now feels 'less loved'? I'd tell the OP to get a damn grip with bells on, regardless of sex.

What I meant was if OP text him saying he didn't love her as much as she loved him you wouldn't give her a kicking.

Incidentally you are all assuming he feels like that because of the family stuff. We don't know that.

[CuriousaboutSamphire]

But we do know that his timing is crap. That he didn't think of how OP would feel on reading his text.

He acted without thought, without compassion for her. Nobody who loves someone, even when unrequited, does that.

[ToChangeorNotToChange]

Incidentally you are all assuming he feels like that because of the family stuff. We don't know that.

No, all we know is what the op tells us - everything seemed absolutely back on track until she had a tough weekend with her own family, then suddenly he pulls the 'you don't love me as much as I love you card'. Which is classic gaslighting and unacceptable from anyone, male or female.


At what is obviously one of the lowest points for her, he makes it all about him. Would it have been OK for the op to text that to her ex/boyfriend just after he lost his parent, even if it was how she truly felt? No, because its completely inappropriate and makes it all about the individual.

[NorthernMC]

He has just sent a text to end it as he loves me more than I love him and it hurts him ...

Reply: Is it any wonder when your a bullshitting coward who thinks text is an appropriate way to end a relationship with the mother of your child.

[Wabe]

@CuriousaboutSamphire

But we do know that his timing is crap. That he didn't think of how OP would feel on reading his text.

He acted without thought, without compassion for her. Nobody who loves someone, even when unrequited, does that.

I think that’s fair. Doing it by text in the circumstances is unforgivable.

And honestly, OP, I’ve literally never seen it be genuine when anyone said they ended it because they loved the other person more then they loved them back — it’s always been a lazy, cowardly cliché which tries to make the other person feel bad for being unloving, while the ‘unloved’ one is actually dumping them. It’s as clichéd as ‘It’s not you, it’s me.’

[Theunamedcat]

[quote Butwasitherdriveway]@IamnotH I agree.

In what world is he in the wrong here

Oh sorry. He's a man. My bad.[/quote]
Seriously? She has supported and loved him since they got back together through sickness bereavement etc when she needs his support he dumps her I see nothing here that suggests we should centre the penis and she should sacrifice her time with her sibling for him

[StrangeLookingParasite]

[quote Butwasitherdriveway]@IamnotH I agree.

In what world is he in the wrong here

Oh sorry. He's a man. My bad.[/quote]
Actually no, it's because he is a gutless self-centred shitweasel.

[TatianaBis]

No one ends a relationship because they love you more than you love them.

[Thewinterofdiscontent]

Is it true though? Did he always love you more than you him?

You don’t need him, even with the crap life has thrown at you

[Butwasitherdriveway]

@Theunamedcat
I didn't say she should.

I said what he said wasn't wrong if that's how he feels.

My apologies @StrangeLookingParasite I didn't realise you knew him