Livid .. He ended it by text

[babbi]

Just want to vent really ..
Previously was married for 22 years , we split and got back together 2 years ago , though maintained our own homes .
He was here yesterday evening for dinner , in our bubble as we share a child .

He has just sent a text to end it as he loves me more than I love him and it hurts him ...

The same weekend that I got the news that my siblings cancer has spread and things are very challenging for them .... oh and I’m dealing with parents in their 80s with dementia ...
Terrible timing ...
I’ll have to hide this from my child until her exams are over ...

AIBU to feel that he is a coward and should have told me in person ?

[needtogetmyAintoG]

Is this a strange way to get your attention? He wants you to beg for him back?

[TatianaBis]

@Thewinterofdiscontent

People end relationships because they feel their partner does not love them at all. But not because they feel love is unequal. Unequal and unreciprocated is not the same.

In which case he could have said he was ending it because he feels that OP does not love him full stop.

This is just a mindfuck. Most likely he's found someone else.

[SchadenfreudePersonified]

He wants OP jumping to his call.

It's all about him!

He needs support - she has to be there to prove she cares. She needs support, then her attention is off him and he doesn't like having to do anything for her.

Ignore him OP - he will either come crawling back or not, but wither wy he isn't worth the steam off your p*ss.

Keep him at arms length and just communicate enough to keep your DD supported and happy.

[babbi]

Just to say thanks once again to you all .
I am absolutely shattered , so it means a lot to have support .
I’ve taken the afternoon off work . I WFH anyway .
I’m off to help my parents later as they are really struggling.

He has just texted me to ask if he can come round this morning to do some DIY in my house ...

I responded with a 1 word answer NO

I am absolutely devastated that he has no idea how much he has hurt me .


Once again thanks to you all .

[AintPageantMaterial]

What a wanky reason to give you!
It’s either NOT true and it’s immature, attention-seeking crap or, it IS true and it’s cowardly, immature and hurtful.
I think it probably is true because I don’t think you would ever treat someone you cared about like that.
Well done for maintaining your dignity here. It’s the best thing for your daughter and anyway, since he was probably trying to provoke a drama, refusing to give him one is probably confusing and frustrating him which is the least he deserves. Twat.

[Shutupyoutart]

He is spineless. you deserved a conversation, hes taken the easy way out rather than having a difficult discussion, although the fact he keeps texting makes me think he was looking for reassurance maybe he expected you to declare your undying love for him, only you know whats more likely op either way he sounds immature and selfish and you deserve better than that. Im so sorry to hear about your sibling Im glad you have supportive friends, don't forget to take care of yourself too,best wishes.xx

[Wabe]

Quite right, @babbi. If he's decided he's finally out of the relationship, after 22 years or marriage and then another 2-year 'trial' while living separately then he doesn't get to check you're OK and nip in and out doing DIY as Man of the House like nothing's happened.

If your child is an adult, or almost, at least you won't need much or any contact about him or her.

[CirclesWithinCircles]

[quote HotelCaliforniaOnRepeat]@CirclesWithinCircles doted on and in love with are not the same. She has supported him, but again it doesn't mean she's in love with him. I just got the feeling from op it was inconvenient he did this now as she needs support rather than being heartbroken over him.
Irrespective of the how, the why is important. He could be a selfish shit, but then he's still done the op a favour as she's better off without him.[/quote]
After 22 years together, 8f this man is still looking for the same type of love that you have at the start of a relationship, then he's an idealistic fool.

He has ended the relationship and so should be big enough to deal with the consequences. No more relationship. It's finished, because he wanted it to be.

I'm not surprised the OP is sounding a bit weary of this attention seeking, needy man. He seems to use up so much time for something most people seem to manage much more easily. He's a nightmare.

[SchadenfreudePersonified]

He has just texted me to ask if he can come round this morning to do some DIY in my house ...

He's trying to keep you hanging on.

You didn't reply to his texts - he doesn't like that. Probably expect an emotional "Please don't leave me I love you sooooo much outburst - and he didn't get one.

Now he's think ing of a way to worm his way in and find out what you are up to, and how upset you are.

Stand firm. You gave an excellent "No" response. Don't let him talk you round - and if he lands on the doorstep, don't let him in, even to see DD - suggest he takes her to his home/ for a walk etc for an hour.

He's made it clear he's nothing to do with you - keep it that way.

[MadMadMadamMim]

I think you've been very dignified, OP.

Well done. I would not respond further. As others have said, he's ended the relationship (again) in a really poor way. He deserves no more of your time.

I hope he doesn't have a key? I wouldn't let him cross the doorstep again.