Livid .. He ended it by text

[babbi]

Just want to vent really ..
Previously was married for 22 years , we split and got back together 2 years ago , though maintained our own homes .
He was here yesterday evening for dinner , in our bubble as we share a child .

He has just sent a text to end it as he loves me more than I love him and it hurts him ...

The same weekend that I got the news that my siblings cancer has spread and things are very challenging for them .... oh and I’m dealing with parents in their 80s with dementia ...
Terrible timing ...
I’ll have to hide this from my child until her exams are over ...

AIBU to feel that he is a coward and should have told me in person ?

[LokiDoki75]

I would reply with a 👍🏻 and block the twonk.

[Queenie6655]

Ughhhh stupid loser

Hope all will be ok for your family
Block him and put him out of your mind
Awful behaviour

[TatianaBis]

@Thewinterofdiscontent

Is it true though? Did he always love you more than you him?

You don’t need him, even with the crap life has thrown at you

Not if he dumps her (by text).

[babbi]

I wouldn't say that he loved me more , not at all , I absolutely doted on him and when we met I made a lot of adjustments to my life ( changed job , sold my house etc ) to facilitate us being together . I gave full commitment .
Interestingly , he has been quite vocal about not living together again but enjoying our relationship in separate homes , which is a bit at odds with the loving me more thing - maybe ? I don't know.

He has just texted to ask if I am ok - I will be ignoring that one too .

[Embracingthechaos]

Have you replied to the text yet?

[Thewinterofdiscontent]

@TatianaBis

No one ends a relationship because they love you more than you love them.

Er yes they do.
Probably after 22 years of a half hearted marriage and possibly after a second try of 2 years feeling the love was not reciprocated.
Op cut him free and go it alone. So much easier.

The text is irrelevant. After more than two decades you know each other well enough.

[Embracingthechaos]

Sorry, x posted. Good for you, keep ignoring his texts. He sounds like an idiot. Communication should be strictly about your child.

[SeaShoreGalore]

I'd be very tempted to show this to your daughter who might as well as know that her father is pondlife

Please don't do this.

No one ends a relationship because they love you more than you love them

Yes they do. I ended a relationship with someone I really cared about because of this. It is very painful to feel that someone you're with doesn't love you as much as you want them to.

Ending it by text might be a bit crap, but ending relationships is bloody hard, so I can see why people do it.

[middleeasternpromise]

Sounds like he likes it when you are on the back foot and worrying about him. Not much more he could do to take the pole position if hes had a heart attack, covid and a bereavement. The only way to get all the limelight is a text upending everything in the guise of falling on his sword. He sounds like hard work, are you sure he has ever been worth it?

[HotelCaliforniaOnRepeat]

I think he's right op. You haven't said, and don't sound like, you are in love with him. His timing might be bad, but if you don't love him he's right to end it. If nothing else it's preventing you finding the right person.

[FortniteBoysMum]

I would point out if you love someone you don't end things by text. That's being a coward and shows a complete lack of respect for the mother of his child let alone his timing. Point out its something you would never have done. Let him explain it to your child. Sorry your having such a crappy time wright now.

[Guiltypleasures001]

He's playing games, he wants you to chase him, it's all a red herring he's a head fuck. Please don't fall for it again.

He knows you are going to have your attention else where quite rightly with family illness etc, and he doesn't like it.

He's being very cruel, and needs telling and then kicked in to touch
Quite frankly how dare he ..

[CirclesWithinCircles]

@HotelCaliforniaOnRepeat

I think he's right op. You haven't said, and don't sound like, you are in love with him. His timing might be bad, but if you don't love him he's right to end it. If nothing else it's preventing you finding the right person.

Golly. Do you have any time for any other life than a relationship, if your partner/husband requires so much devotion?

The OP says she doted on him, and changed jobs and homes to be with him, despite his refusal to live together again.

I'd say he's got someone else.

[Butwasitherdriveway]

@CirclesWithinCircles there is no evidence for anything you've said.

[Miasicarisatia]

He was using you whilst unwell and bereaved, now you're going through similar with unwell parents and sibling... he's outta here
^this
when he says he loves you he means he loves it when you are supporting him, dancing attendance upon him etc, he loves how important it makes him feel.
But when you need him to support you....oh nooo everything feels WRONG, he doesnt feel important and you dont love him enough

[SchadenfreudePersonified]

@Guiltypleasures001

He's playing games, he wants you to chase him, it's all a red herring he's a head fuck. Please don't fall for it again.

He knows you are going to have your attention else where quite rightly with family illness etc, and he doesn't like it.

He's being very cruel, and needs telling and then kicked in to touch
Quite frankly how dare he ..

Agree.

Continue not responding, or, as a PP suggested send a 👍🏻.

(Not answering at all will be the most infuriating to him, though. He's obviously expected you to contact him pleading Why? How? etc so he could feed his ego off it.)

I think he'll be back in a few months trying to become "friends" again "for the sake of" your DD. Just remain civil, but keep him at arm's length.

Nothing says "You mean nothing to me" like a display of indifference. Tells him he isn't even worth being annoyed at.

[SchadenfreudePersonified]

Sorry - I should have said I agree that he's playing games.

Don't tell him what you think of him. Don't tell him anything no matter how satisfying it may momentarily feel. He's a tw*t and doesn't deserve your energy.

[Mittens030869]

I think he's right op. You haven't said, and don't sound like, you are in love with him. His timing might be bad, but if you don't love him he's right to end it. If nothing else it's preventing you finding the right person.

I think the OP sounds like she’s in shock and very hurt, so I think she does sound as if she loves him. But she’s also angry, understandably, as well as reeling from the devastating news about her sibling.

I agree with PPs that it sounds as if he just can’t deal with the fact that the OP is the one who needs his support, after relying on her support for him. (The way she’s cared for him demonstrates how much she does love him btw.)

[RandomMess]

I think he was expecting you to pander to him with lots of how much you love him 🙄

Glad you have seen the light and don't have to carry his fragile ego worries anymore!

So sorry for your bad news

[CirclesWithinCircles]

[quote Butwasitherdriveway]@CirclesWithinCircles there is no evidence for anything you've said.[/quote]
Apart from the fact that the OP said those very things further up this page!

[PaulHollywoodsLowHangingFruit]

Send him a copy of the drama triangle -he is being manipulative.

[Miasicarisatia]

I think I might reply with something like 'okay mate whatevs'
Or in other words I'll show you fucking callous mate....behold The Ice Maiden!

[Butwasitherdriveway]

@CirclesWithinCircles

Except she didn't.

She never said she can't have any other life except him and that he's got someone else.

[HotelCaliforniaOnRepeat]

@CirclesWithinCircles doted on and in love with are not the same. She has supported him, but again it doesn't mean she's in love with him. I just got the feeling from op it was inconvenient he did this now as she needs support rather than being heartbroken over him.
Irrespective of the how, the why is important. He could be a selfish shit, but then he's still done the op a favour as she's better off without him.

[HahaAreyouSerious]

He either fucking about with someone else, or is about to be.