To think my parents have a drink problem?

[notaknob]

I'm 30 and have only had a drink once in the last year. I used to enjoy a cocktail or two it but I don't anymore and the thought makes me squirm.

My parents are together, married for years, they say it's because they work hard. But they go through 2-4 bottles of wine per night. Every night without fail. Whenever I visit they are already drinking. If I call in an emergency (like this week my husband went into hospital and I had to drive him. I needed one of them to pop round to wait with the kids.
The first thing I said was "have you had a drink" not "can you do me a favour". That's not normal is it? Both of them had of course. It was only about 5.30pm.

It feels like because they work and don't look like alcoholics, then they see no problem. But they can't go without it for a single day and i hate it.

No not normal - functioning alcoholics tbh

That is a lot.
Unfortunately, until they see it as an issue and either stop or seek help, not much you can do.

No its not normal

It does sound like it, yes.
And its possible they encourage each other to drink and normalise it between them so it doesn’t seem like a big deal.

Silly question but at what point do they become alcoholics? How many units per day every day?
Are they already there?
I'm gutted at the realisation to be honest. They just laugh it off

That's a lot and very bad for their health if they do it daily.

They are potentially drinking their weekly maximum recommended intake every night, and then some.

Must cost them a fortune too, probably £200+ a week.

They are alcoholics I'm afraid.

Would they happily go a week without any wine? I'm guessing not.

2-4 bottles a night every night between 2 people is a lot of units and way way over the recommended weekly amount. (10 units per bottle, no more than 14 per person a week) I think you’re right to be concerned, even if they aren’t functioning alcoholics the impact on their health will be huge.

@nanbread not a day.

It sounds to me like they do have a drinking problem.

Unfortunately I know a lot of people like this and they don't even hide it. It seems to be socially acceptable to have a drinking problem as long as you can function in daily life. My mum and dad were both the same. My sister drinks every evening and starts drinking around 2pm at the weekend. I've often had emergencies and when I've called her she hasn't been able to drive to me or hasn't been in a fit state to help at all. I work with people who very openly tell me that they start drinking as soon as they get home from work. Don't get me wrong, I love a drink, but I do try to be mindful of my drinking so I don't form bad habits.

@notaknob

Silly question but at what point do they become alcoholics? How many units per day every day? Are they already there? I'm gutted at the realisation to be honest. They just laugh it off

Alcoholism is not dependent on the number of units, its the relationship with alcohol. And theirs is definitely unhealthy.

I don’t think alcoholism is measured by units as such, it’s measured by the person’s dependency on alcohol - when they can’t go a certain amount of time without it, or can’t face certain tasks without it, and would feel very anxious and stressed if it wasn’t available to them. The amount of units will very person to person but the general dependency and crutch it serves is what defines it.

Gosh that's rather a lot of wine 😳
I would be permanently hungover, they must have a high tolerance!

*vary

A consultant dr once asked if I drank a lot of alcohol, his measure of “a lot” was a bottle of wine every night.

My parents are like this. I feel really annoyed with them that they are essentially drinking and eating themselves into an early grave (they also eat loads of unhealthy food). I've tried to get them to cut down but they don't see the problem and think I'm being 'pious'. I like a drink and could easily see how such a relationship could form so I've tried to be more mindful. It's hard.
You can't stop them, but you could let them know that you're worried. Perhaps suggest starting off with 2 booze free nights a week and ask them if they feel any benefits?

My dad and step-mum
are alcoholics and drink 1-2 bottles a night, possibly 3 or 4 if there are others there. So I’d say yes they are.

It’s horrible to watch, I hate it 💐

It’s most definitely excessive and what most would consider outside the ‘norm’ but unfortunately aside from expressing your concerns there isn’t a great deal that you can do about it.
As someone else mentioned alcoholism isn’t defined by an amount somebody drinks but their relationship with alcohol . I was concerned about an ex partner so I went onto the drinkaware website (at least I think it was) and the questions they asked to determine problematic drinking was interesting and useful.
At the end of the day we can only be responsible for ourselves, other people’s behaviour is beyond our control

They probably are permanently hung over (when they're not actually drunk) but it'll be dismissed as "we're not morning people" or whatever, made out to be a personality trait or lifestyle choice. Alcoholics don't like to face up to being alcoholics OP, which they are.

The problem with functional alcoholics is they want to be drunk to some or other extent and that's only achievable by drinking more and more over time. Leading to other health related problems like damaged liver, obesity, non-functoning alcoholism, malnutrition if alcohol sometimes ends up replacing food, passing out drunk, memory problems, brain damage etc. I think if you can't wake someone up they're not 'asleep', they're unconscious, even if they got undressed, climbed into bed and 'went to sleep'.

Also lifestyle problems such as grumpy behaviour due to being hung over of a morning, being late for work, lack of concentration due to craving alcohol of an afternoon, being over the drink drive limit until early afternoon, under achieving at work, alienating friends and family who get fed up with seeing them drunk or with the rows that occur if they mention it etc. All the problems that comes with addiction such as lying, secrecy, being abusive towards others who questions their drinking, financial problems due to prioritising alcohol.

Functional alcoholism isn't a benign thing. Sorry this is happening OP . You probably can't do anything about it.

I hope to god neither of them are drivers. I’m sorry op but they are already alcoholics.

WildGarlicTime OP said they can't go a day without it, which isn't surprising on that amount. Unfortunately they won't feel the benefits of alcohol free nights, they'll be in withdrawal.

I hope they aren't driving the morning after, likely still way over the limit.

My neighbour regularly drinks 2 bottles of wine per night, easily. She's always fine the day after, it becomes normal.

1 to two bottles every night per person is a lot and will be having a seriously adverse effect on their health and cognitive function. Assuming it is full strength wine and not moscato or a light wine, then they are consuming between about 50 and about 120 units a week. So up to about 9 times the healthy limit. I recently quit drinking as I was concerned that my one or two glasses a night was too much. That was not a lot per night but was loads over a week because it was almost every night and I was starting to rely on it to feel normal and started to find it hard to not drink - which is the definition of alcoholic. I'm sorry OP.

Definitely functioning alcoholics

I think a lot of people get hung up on the stereotypical Alcoholic and don't realise that not every alcoholic is drinking cheap spirits/cider in a park living in an hmo.