To think my parents have a drink problem?

[notaknob]

I'm 30 and have only had a drink once in the last year. I used to enjoy a cocktail or two it but I don't anymore and the thought makes me squirm.

My parents are together, married for years, they say it's because they work hard. But they go through 2-4 bottles of wine per night. Every night without fail. Whenever I visit they are already drinking. If I call in an emergency (like this week my husband went into hospital and I had to drive him. I needed one of them to pop round to wait with the kids.
The first thing I said was "have you had a drink" not "can you do me a favour". That's not normal is it? Both of them had of course. It was only about 5.30pm.

It feels like because they work and don't look like alcoholics, then they see no problem. But they can't go without it for a single day and i hate it.

Yes, it's an awful lot of drink! I'm guessing your parents are in their 60s? How on earth càn they be unaware of the harm they're doing to themselves? Do they live under a rock!

Gosh, I like a drink but will stop at half a bottle of wine. I honestly don't know anyone who drinks this much. It sounds as though they need to give their livers a holiday.

do you have meals with them, ask them to yours , do they drive or walk home?
are they involved in your lives when sober?

My mum is the same. Bottle of wine plus every night to herself. Up to 2 on a weekend. She's always been the same. It's upsetting as I can't speak to her after 5pm as she's drunk.

@katy1213 I don't expect them to stay sober on the off chance I have a crisis at all.
What I meant was, it struck me a few days later that the first thing I'd said was "have you both had a drink" and not "this is what's happened can you help".
It just happened to be the conversation that made it hit home to me. Those were just the circs of the night for me. I didn't expect anything.

@Chicchicchicchiclana they are mid to late 50s.
They aren't fun people to be around. They are always going on about something draining whether it be an ache or how bad their day at work was or something going on in someone else's life. They are lovely people but my god it's draining to watch and spend time around.
They live close and do help with childcare occasionally and I try to help them as much as possible. But all they do is drink.

Looks like alcohol misuse is pretty endemic in the uk. The Scots tried raising prices and it didn’t work.

I'd be pretty uncomfortable with them doing childcare (except maybe between lunchtime and drink hour?)

YANBU.. My parents were (are) exactly the same. Though it was horrific through my teens and early 20s (until I moved out) as my dad was very emotionally abusive, controlling and had a huge temper. My mum was the opposite and either locked herself away crying or passed out on the sofa.

I went low-contact though had a pretty ropey relationship with alcohol myself for a few years.

My mum got diagnosed with dementia in her early 60s (though had had symptoms for a good few years prior, in hindsight), she'd had heart disease and some strokes (partly genetic though I don't think the alcohol particularly helped!). She died last year age 71.

My dad lives alone, a pretty sad little man. I'll speak if he rings and have seen him a couple of times in the past year but I don't make much effort.

As a teen, I used to beg them not to drink and they used to mock me and think because they were adults they knew better.

So, if they're anything like mine, they won't give up drinking and I would be reluctant to let them care for your DC. Tbh there's no way I would have let mine.

@notaknob I could've written all these things about my parents.
Not happy, draining to spend time with etc.
It's very concerning that so many have the same experiences with parents, they all seem of a similar age group.

Oh, I should say, I'm pretty much teetotal now (perhaps the odd glass at Christmas). There's no way I want my DC experiencing what I did.

Oh, and they'd also say that because they were only drinking wine (despite it veing the 14% stuff 🙄), they weren't alcoholics.

[quote notaknob]@Chicchicchicchiclana they are mid to late 50s.
They aren't fun people to be around. They are always going on about something draining whether it be an ache or how bad their day at work was or something going on in someone else's life. They are lovely people but my god it's draining to watch and spend time around.
They live close and do help with childcare occasionally and I try to help them as much as possible. But all they do is drink.[/quote]
What makes them lovely people? If they're draining to watch and be around. I'd start protecting yourself, which will probably mean distancing yourself. I used to think my ex was a lovely person, apart from the alcohol. In hindsight, he really wasn't.

I would, once at a calm time, gently raise it with them and give them some resources (maybe ask a support group for leaflets), say you're worried about them and will be there for them if they decide to choose a booze free life. Then at least you know you tried to help.

There's a book called The Joy of Not Drinking you could also give them and might like to read yourself.

Not normal at all but as the child of alcoholics I can tell you there is nothing you can do about it, and there is no point worrying about it. You didn’t cause it & you can’t control it & all that jazz.

@cameocat that’s really worrying and sad. It might be pretty common but it’s not normal.

Functioning alcoholics. I’ve seen a few... I wouldn’t want my kids around them too much to be honest.