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AIBU?

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Original poster

Do I treat DC the same for Uni fees?

135 replies

teerocks · 24/04/2021 08:23

Hi,

2 DC, both due to start Uni this September. DC1 is older and has done a 3 year apprenticeship and so has been told they will qualify as an independent student and get the maximum student loan. DC2 will be fresh out of 6th form and will only get the minimum loan due to our incomes.

I'll obviously need to top up DC2's to at least the maximum loan amount, but morally it feels like I should be offering DC1 the same.

Any thoughts?

OP posts:
MargaretThursday · 24/04/2021 09:44

@MyGorramShip

No.

DC1 is getting the maximum loan, DC2 the minimum loan.

You need to make sure they have the same amount of money.

Fair doesn’t always mean equal.

Agree. Also, haven't you already supported dc1 for 3 years? Unless they've been paying their way, including rent, for the last 3 years then you probably actually owe dc2 more anyway.
caringcarer · 24/04/2021 09:46

I would give each child the same amount of money as gift. Then I would separately pay younger child an amount they had to repay once in employment. I would send both children off with large box of tins and cleaning products to get them started.

Disfordarkchocolate · 24/04/2021 09:48

Being fair does not mean equal.

KFleming · 24/04/2021 09:50

I wouldn’t top up DC1. Presumably the debt has been factored in to both DC’s decision to go to uni and I don’t think it’s something you can take responsibility for, especially as you’ve said helping them both financially would be a stretch for you.
However DC2’s loan is calculated on the assumption of parental support so I would provide that if I could.

Thunderdonkey · 24/04/2021 09:57

You can't treat them both the same. DC1 will likely end up being financially supported by you for longer, as they will have taken longer to get to the point where they are self sufficient. Are you going to keep giving DC2 money for the extra years after they leave uni? Give them both what they need. You will tie yourself in knots trying to give them the same, and still not manage it.

SpringtimeSummertime · 24/04/2021 09:57

Does the older DC have to take the full loan amount they are entitled to?
The only fair way is for them to both take equal loans and for you to top up equal amounts.

If the older DC takes a bigger loan they will have to pay this back at some point. Your younger DC will have a smaller debt due to your contribution.

An alternative would be for the older one to take a larger loan, the younger a smaller loan (&contribution from you) and when the time comes, help the older one more to pay off their debt.

TheCrowening · 24/04/2021 09:58

Fund them the same so that DC1 has an option not to get into so much debt. As long as you can afford it of course.

Otherwise DC1 will leave with much more debt than DC2.

boomboom1234 · 24/04/2021 10:02

I would give them both the same because it is a loan so the older child will be in more debt. The older child can then chose to reduce the loan they take out.

Allwokedup · 24/04/2021 10:04

@MyGorramShip

No.

DC1 is getting the maximum loan, DC2 the minimum loan.

You need to make sure they have the same amount of money.

Fair doesn’t always mean equal.

This this this.

^^

Busybee5000 · 24/04/2021 10:22

I wouldn’t necessarily top up the DC1 loan, I’d be thinking what money do they both need to afford what they need to and go from there. They could be in different cities and costs are different anyway. There will be less money to go round for both children if you give money that is over and both what’s required, which will affect them when they are home in the holidays and you might want to treat them!

slothbyday · 24/04/2021 10:50

I would give both the same amount to support it.

You get child has chosen to go to straight to uni and could have done an apprenticeship and be an independent student also.

Although, you could also argue that the elder child had their support in terms of rent free living at home in those years so maybe actually I wouldn't....I think so much depends on what's happened over the last few years in terms of support at home

(My sibling is having similar issues currently - eldest two went through uni and then lived at home working for a few years and were supported through uni and paid reduced rent at home once working for 3 years. Youngest is not going to uni but working straight away so they've gone to reduced rent....but that child didn't need supporting through uni so argues should be rent free🙄. Both have fair arguments and could be seen as correct by different people)

Hankunamatata · 24/04/2021 10:53

I would encourage both to take the minimum and top up. Why should dc1 have more debt?

chittychittybang · 24/04/2021 10:56

*DC1 is getting the maximum loan, DC2 the minimum loan.

You need to make sure they have the same amount of money.

Fair doesn’t always mean equal.*

Exactly this.

Flipflopblowout · 24/04/2021 11:02

@MyGorramShip

No.

DC1 is getting the maximum loan, DC2 the minimum loan.

You need to make sure they have the same amount of money.

Fair doesn’t always mean equal.

I agree with this. I had to make a similar decision
LindaEllen · 24/04/2021 11:12

Make sure both can cover their course fees and accommodation (assuming they're moving out) and then top up so that they each have the same amount of spare cash each week for food etc.

You don't have to just throw money at them both. Sit down and work out properly how much each will need. It might not be exactly the same, but you can make sure that they both have a similar financial uni experience.

MummytoCSJH · 24/04/2021 11:15

Top DC2 up to the amount of max loan. Any money on top of that you want to give them, give equally.

Notaroadrunner · 24/04/2021 11:18

You top up ds2 to the level of dc1's loan. My teens had braces at the same time - one was a public patient as his teeth were so out of line and the other private as she didn't qualify for public. I didn't then feel the need to give Ds the amount of money I'd spent in Dds treatment. It is what it is. Kids choose different paths. You cannot go through life making sure they have equal amounts of money from you as their needs will differ and you will help as needed if you can.

Notsoaccidentproneanymore · 24/04/2021 11:31

Have you talked to them about what they expect from you?

We talked to ds2 about how much he would get for his loan, hall fees, our contributions, his savings (from working p/t and grandp).

It could be that ds1 doesn’t expect you to contribute!

There are so many variables anyway - course length, subject and employment after etc.

It’s not about equal, it’s about what you all believe is fair.

ragged · 24/04/2021 11:32

Decision comes down to amounts, I reckon.
Seems like OP is saying
DC2 will get £2300 per year to cover halls
DC2 will get extra per week to cover other living expenses (maybe £1600/year?)
That's 3900 x 3 = almost £12k difference after 3 years. Not small amount.

Topping up the DC1 seems like the simplest way to balance out, maybe they can take a smaller loan.

We're expecting to run (eventually) a £100k greater investment in one of my DC compared to any of others. I don't know how we'll balance it out, but I have to do something explicit to make things fairer.

SpringtimeSummertime · 24/04/2021 13:13

@Notaroadrunner

You top up ds2 to the level of dc1's loan. My teens had braces at the same time - one was a public patient as his teeth were so out of line and the other private as she didn't qualify for public. I didn't then feel the need to give Ds the amount of money I'd spent in Dds treatment. It is what it is. Kids choose different paths. You cannot go through life making sure they have equal amounts of money from you as their needs will differ and you will help as needed if you can.
I get the braces thing but one of OP’s DC will have a loan bigger than the other at the end of their course. This has to be paid back by them. In your case, neither of your DC had to pay back the cost of the braces.
AegonT · 24/04/2021 14:06

I would just too DC2 up to maximum loan amount. You would have done that for DC1 if they'd gone straight to uni.

Numbersarefun · 24/04/2021 14:14

You have already supported DC1 for 3 years unless he’s been paying the going rate for renting and bills and food etc.
I also don’t think you need to give them exactly the same. I’ve 3 children who have been to Uni (1 still there). They haven’t all received the same amount from us as they’ve studied in different places and have also done different length degrees.

LadyWhistledownsQuill · 24/04/2021 14:16

@Numbersarefun

You have already supported DC1 for 3 years unless he’s been paying the going rate for renting and bills and food etc. I also don’t think you need to give them exactly the same. I’ve 3 children who have been to Uni (1 still there). They haven’t all received the same amount from us as they’ve studied in different places and have also done different length degrees.
The OP said the apprenticeship was level 3, so equivalent to the A Levels that she presumably supported the other DC through.
MumW · 24/04/2021 14:27

Did DC1 complete 6th form before taking on the apprenticeship?
If so, then he has already had some 'extra years' of financial support from you in terms of subsidised living at home.

MyGorramShip · 24/04/2021 14:49

I have never been quoted and agreed with so many times Grin

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