To only serve vegan food at my wedding.

[inthewest]

My partner and myself are both vegan. We want to serve an only vegan menu from an excellent vegan caterer. I know people aren't a fan of "fake meat" and we've deliberately chosen to not have anything of that sort. Our menu will include many options and will cater to allergies and dietary needs such as celiac. The food is delicious, is very "us" and reflects us as couple.

We have had pushback from my partners family. Adult family. I'm fully prepared to cater for children but not adults. Our thinking is that it's one meal.

[quote ConstantlyChanging]@HaveringWavering Thank you for your insightful analysis of our entire family dynamic based on a few sentences. You’ve changed my life. [/quote]
It's obvious though.

@RockingMyFiftiesNot fair enough, but it seems a bit extreme not to be able to have milk in tea or coffee! İ can see lots of people bringing in their own

I'm near tee-total, alcohol just isn't important to me and I'm not fussed on it. I could happily never drink it again with no upset at all.

On my wedding day I think I had one sip of the arrival drink because it was put in my hand, then drank OJ.

I still arranged a full bar and alcohol for arrival and toast...because I obviously realise that a large proportion of adults enjoy alcohol and that a wedding wouldn't be as enjoyable for them if it wasn't made available. No, no one would have died if there had been no bar, my friends and family would still have come and would've probably been polite about it...but there would have been grumbles and discontent and would likely have been the defining factor by which it was remembered.

It's the same with the food. Plenty of people aren't fussed on completely vegan cuisine and find it lacking and unsatisfying. People will come, people will eat it, people will probably be polite to your face. But it will be referred to as 'the vegan wedding' in years to come and many of your guests won't enjoy it as much as if they'd had a more 'common' meal.

To be a good host you should cater for the masses...most of whom will probably enjoy the inclusion of meat, dairy etc far more. If you don't care about being a good host then obviously you serve your favourite meal and to hell with the rest of them!

I’d be fine as long as it wasn’t fake meat, I’m another who can’t tolerate it. I ate a lot of it when I was young before i realised.

Someone said about real milk for tea/coffee. I think substitutes can curdle and be tricky if you aren’t used to them.

I find some posts in these threads reminiscent of toddlers who will only eat pasta and cheese, and can't have the peas touching. Oh noes, unfamiliar food!)

Nail on head

[quote Tsubasa1]@RockingMyFiftiesNot fair enough, but it seems a bit extreme not to be able to have milk in tea or coffee! İ can see lots of people bringing in their own[/quote]
Maybe then people will have more sympathy with vegans who can't always get the milk they can use!

I'm not vegan and do agree with you re milk, although I'd manage to drink it black if I had to. , if OP is happy for dairy milk to be provided then I'm sure that would be welcomed.

@Iamthewombat

If this is typical of your level of engagement with anyone who eats a different diet to you, I can quite see why your family member declines the invitation to spend Christmas with you.

That’s a rotten thing to say. Be less spiteful towards people with a different opinion. I could make some remarks about your own level of engagement with anyone who holds a different view to you.

It was the poster herself who said she invites her family member for Christmas but she always declines.

Maybe read a few of the other things she’s posted about her family member to give you the context.

It's quite inconsiderate if you know you have guests who won't enjoy a vegan meal.

I ask again, who are all these people who can’t enjoy one single meal without meat? I don’t come across anyone like that day to day.

I think the on;y thing I'd struggle with would be hot drinks.
I don't like my tea black and I don't like fruit teas/green tea etc.
Whilst I have had soy milk before I'm not overly keen, and don't like coconut, oat or rice milks.

I'd have to forgo the hot drinks, or save having a hot drink until I was in my hotel room getting changed mid day or the evening. But I'd just drink soft drinks or alcohol instead.

Dh can drink tea and coffee black so,he'd be fine. Very much meat loving Dd, however, happily drinks oat milk - although she is happy to have diary. I'll ordinarily in drinks, she always chooses oat milk in lattes, etc in coffee shops as she prefers the drink within.

@RaiseTheBeastie

I'm near tee-total, alcohol just isn't important to me and I'm not fussed on it. I could happily never drink it again with no upset at all.

On my wedding day I think I had one sip of the arrival drink because it was put in my hand, then drank OJ.

I still arranged a full bar and alcohol for arrival and toast...because I obviously realise that a large proportion of adults enjoy alcohol and that a wedding wouldn't be as enjoyable for them if it wasn't made available. No, no one would have died if there had been no bar, my friends and family would still have come and would've probably been polite about it...but there would have been grumbles and discontent and would likely have been the defining factor by which it was remembered.

It's the same with the food. Plenty of people aren't fussed on completely vegan cuisine and find it lacking and unsatisfying. People will come, people will eat it, people will probably be polite to your face. But it will be referred to as 'the vegan wedding' in years to come and many of your guests won't enjoy it as much as if they'd had a more 'common' meal.

To be a good host you should cater for the masses...most of whom will probably enjoy the inclusion of meat, dairy etc far more. If you don't care about being a good host then obviously you serve your favourite meal and to hell with the rest of them!

This is not a comparable situation at all.

I do agree with comments around meat eaters refusing to serve vegan - what would your opinion be on that?

Vegans opt not to eat or use anything derived from animals for moral and ethical reasons (in which I include ecological reasons). Omnivores can eat those dishes and don't have any moral or ethical qualms about doing so. It is therefore an asymmetric comparison. If you offer vegan only food to omnivores there's nothing to stop them eating it. In fact they're quite likely to eat similar things frequently, but also to add in meat.

Vegans only being served animal-based dishes do not have the same option. I'm not sure why this is unclear to people? Unless you know 'meat eaters' who have suddenly decided that vegetables, beans and pulses need to be excluded from their diets on moral grounds.

I do agree that there need to be soya-free options, but it's really very unusual that humans must have animal products at every single meal for any medical reasons.

My sister is a vegan and a cook and one Christmas the lavishly prepared food was so unpleasant to me that I cried with hunger in my room later.

What on earth did she cook that was so bad?

Well then salad and ratatouille it is for one meal

That’s a perfectly good meal

Not sure what your dietary requirements are but if they are so strict maybe you should take a packed lunch

Hey you were the adult crying in your room at Christmas and afraid to ask your sibling for more food. It doesn’t take Sherlock Holmes to work out that that is one fucked up family dynamic.

It’s rude to ask for more food when you’ve had to pretend to be full to get out of eating the unpleasant meal on offer. It’s miserable to be hungry especially after a long day and on an occasion where we are used to ‘treating’ ourselves and in someone else’s house where rummaging in the fridge would be impolite. If these normal human emotions and politeness strike you as ‘fucked up’ then you must be a bit odd!

It seems really strange to me to not only serve people a type of food that not everyone enjoys but insist that if they don’t enjoy it there’s something wrong with them. People that have made the comparisons to an Indian wedding - yes absolutely they’d serve Indian food but if the majority of people coming weren’t Indian and didn’t usually eat that type of food out of choice they could reasonably expect that they might not be keen. I’m just saying if that bothers you then offer more variety. If not then crack on.

@BertramLacey

I do agree with comments around meat eaters refusing to serve vegan - what would your opinion be on that?

Vegans opt not to eat or use anything derived from animals for moral and ethical reasons (in which I include ecological reasons). Omnivores can eat those dishes and don't have any moral or ethical qualms about doing so. It is therefore an asymmetric comparison. If you offer vegan only food to omnivores there's nothing to stop them eating it. In fact they're quite likely to eat similar things frequently, but also to add in meat.

Vegans only being served animal-based dishes do not have the same option. I'm not sure why this is unclear to people? Unless you know 'meat eaters' who have suddenly decided that vegetables, beans and pulses need to be excluded from their diets on moral grounds.

I do agree that there need to be soya-free options, but it's really very unusual that humans must have animal products at every single meal for any medical reasons.

✔️✔️✔️✔️✔️

If the food is fab (I know most veggie food is, so I can't see why vegan shouldn't be) then they are being very U to twist their faces before they've even tasted it.

As you say - it's one meal in their lives.

Go for it.

Have a lovely day.

And a lovely life together.

This is not a comparable situation at all

Why @Butwasitherdriveway?

To be a good host you should cater for the masses...most of whom will probably enjoy the inclusion of meat, dairy etc far more. If you don't care about being a good host then obviously you serve your favourite meal and to hell with the rest of them!

Meat eaters aren’t one homogeneous bunch. Before I went veggie, then vegan I had all sorts of meals at weddings I didn’t particularly enjoy and would have chosen a different option for. That’s just what happens if you’re picking one meal for everyone.

@BertramLacey

I do agree with comments around meat eaters refusing to serve vegan - what would your opinion be on that?

Vegans opt not to eat or use anything derived from animals for moral and ethical reasons (in which I include ecological reasons). Omnivores can eat those dishes and don't have any moral or ethical qualms about doing so. It is therefore an asymmetric comparison. If you offer vegan only food to omnivores there's nothing to stop them eating it. In fact they're quite likely to eat similar things frequently, but also to add in meat.

Vegans only being served animal-based dishes do not have the same option. I'm not sure why this is unclear to people? Unless you know 'meat eaters' who have suddenly decided that vegetables, beans and pulses need to be excluded from their diets on moral grounds.

I do agree that there need to be soya-free options, but it's really very unusual that humans must have animal products at every single meal for any medical reasons.

Exactly!

They aren't being forced to consume anything repugnant to them - just not to eat something that other people find unacceptable.

They can have a ham sandwich when they get home later, if they must

I’m afraid I’m in the minority but I disagree with most of the posts.

I think it’s important to prioritise your guests who have made an effort, and most likely, financial expense to be there to celebrate with you.

Not everyone likes vegan food. The time for exploring it a bit more is not now.

I’d be upset if my guests didn’t like the food or felt they didn’t eat much. I went to a wedding a while ago where they did bowl food. Fine in theory but there wasn’t enough of it and I was hungry by the end of the evening! I remember that wedding for all the wrong reasons.

We had a big party a few years ago and had it catered. We discussed the menu with the caterer who was very experienced and the thinking was what’s popular/what do people want to eat? NOT your function do as you please.

It's your wedding - do what you want!

It’s rude to ask for more food when you’ve had to pretend to be full to get out of eating the unpleasant meal on offer. It’s miserable to be hungry especially after a long day and on an occasion where we are used to ‘treating’ ourselves and in someone else’s house where rummaging in the fridge would be impolite. If these normal human emotions and politeness strike you as ‘fucked up’ then you must be a bit odd!

The host was YOUR SISTER. It is you who is odd if you need to maintain a level of politeness with your own sibling that means you have to lie about feeling full, can’t ask for more food and would not be able to help yourself in her kitchen. Then cry about it.

@TheKeatingFive

It's quite inconsiderate if you know you have guests who won't enjoy a vegan meal.

I ask again, who are all these people who can’t enjoy one single meal without meat? I don’t come across anyone like that day to day.

It would depend what was in it. As an example I can't eat mushrooms, not because I don't enjoy them but because they make me ill, chickpeas and strawberries have the same effect. I'd need a plain meal and to know exactly what was in before I'd eat it as I'd hate to be ill if I was out. Give me a nice grilled chicken breast or fish and I'm fine!

I'm a big meat eater but would have no problem whatsoever in eating a vegan meal. It's your wedding and I would just be delighted to have been invited.

I'm not a vegan but I've had some amazing vegan food, go for it