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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To only serve vegan food at my wedding.

999 replies

inthewest · 23/04/2021 21:44

My partner and myself are both vegan. We want to serve an only vegan menu from an excellent vegan caterer. I know people aren't a fan of "fake meat" and we've deliberately chosen to not have anything of that sort. Our menu will include many options and will cater to allergies and dietary needs such as celiac. The food is delicious, is very "us" and reflects us as couple.

We have had pushback from my partners family. Adult family. I'm fully prepared to cater for children but not adults. Our thinking is that it's one meal.

OP posts:
WhatMattersMost · 24/04/2021 09:22

@inthewest

My partner and myself are both vegan. We want to serve an only vegan menu from an excellent vegan caterer. I know people aren't a fan of "fake meat" and we've deliberately chosen to not have anything of that sort. Our menu will include many options and will cater to allergies and dietary needs such as celiac. The food is delicious, is very "us" and reflects us as couple.

We have had pushback from my partners family. Adult family. I'm fully prepared to cater for children but not adults. Our thinking is that it's one meal.

My nephew and his wife did this - much to the chagrin of a family member who deems all things vegan as a ridiculous waste of time. (I am a committed meat-eater, but am not disparaging of veganism.)

Well, my relative had to eat their words at the reception, because they loved the vegan food! Credit to them that they were able to admit this after all the fuss they'd made :)

AbsolutelyPatsy · 24/04/2021 09:23

yes , simply vegan is fine

OhWhyNot · 24/04/2021 09:23

Of course it’s fine abs more importantly it’s your day

Most people eat vegan dishes at some point without it being named vegan and don’t give it a second thought but for some reason when it’s named vegan they do Hmm

Sstrongtn · 24/04/2021 09:23

It’s one meal, many many people myself included have at least one vegan meal in the week anyway, because it’s just a silly label sometimes, like “mainly plant based”, just because I have beans on toast for one meal without butter doesn’t make me a vegan or mainly plant based, it means I had beans on toast for one meal.

I work in the animal livestock area, and even I wouldn’t care if you chose to stay vegan at the wedding of two vegans! So long as you don’t bang on about the bollocks environmental and social claims (as I disagree with them) or evangelise about how your wedding will be vegan it’s just food and it’s YOUR wedding! People will opposing views should STFU for the day because it’s a meal.

Ignore them, don’t even discuss it as a “thing” and just serve food!

AbsolutelyPatsy · 24/04/2021 09:23

i dont think the children need chicken nuggets if that is what you are intending.

EmpressSuiko · 24/04/2021 09:25

Go for it! It’s your day and your choice.
I hope nut allergy sufferers are also considered with in the allergies department as that’s always been an issue for me, whenever anyone does a vegan or vegetarian option, it always has nuts!

llm24 · 24/04/2021 09:25

Your wedding your choice and it is a lot of money to fork out that’s why I would think
If your wedding meal will have choices would you not have a meat as one of the options ?
If people
take the vegan choice and then don’t eat it that’s a lot of wasted cash
How would you feel if you went to a wedding and there was no vegan choice

HaveringWavering · 24/04/2021 09:26

@OhWhyNot

Of course it’s fine abs more importantly it’s your day

Most people eat vegan dishes at some point without it being named vegan and don’t give it a second thought but for some reason when it’s named vegan they do Hmm

Exactly.
Iceniii · 24/04/2021 09:26

Vegan food isn't some strange unknown substance. It's just the removal of ingredients.

Saltyslug · 24/04/2021 09:26

It’s just one meal, it’s fine for adults and children. Stop discussing it with his family.

HaveringWavering · 24/04/2021 09:27

@EmpressSuiko

Go for it! It’s your day and your choice. I hope nut allergy sufferers are also considered with in the allergies department as that’s always been an issue for me, whenever anyone does a vegan or vegetarian option, it always has nuts!
Why would you not mention a nut allergy when asked for your dietary requirements?
BluePi · 24/04/2021 09:27

I’m definitely not a vegan but a few years ago I went to a wedding where the food was strictly vegan (and I had reservations), but I was surprised by just how delicious it really was and actually a complete non-issue.

DemelzaRobins · 24/04/2021 09:27

I had a vegetarian wedding. DH and I are both veggie. We didn't want to pay for meat and we also wanted to be able to eat everything served at our own wedding.

It went well - the caterers enjoyed the challenge. We deliberately served familiar foods - we both have relatives who won't eat 'weird, veggie food' - like falafel, hummus and mousaka Hmm. We got a lot of compliments on the food.

There was some aggro before the wedding though. Some family members weren't happy with the menu, and a whole host of other things too. They were worried people would leave the meal to eat elsewhere once they saw the menu.

All was fine on the day. There was plenty of food, plenty of booze and people seemed to enjoy themselves. No-one left to eat elsewhere.

In fairness the majority of people who knew the menu in advance were of the 'it's your day' school of thought.

SnowdaySewday · 24/04/2021 09:28

You can decide that this is your wedding, it's all about you, you have the platform to make your views known and no-one else gets to dictate what you offer.

However, be prepared for how they may respond. You will be married into this family, possibly for the rest of your life. If you are ever going to eat with them, then they will most likely treat you how they feel they have been treated.

Do you plan to take alternative food every time they don't offer you something that you will eat, or just never dine with them?

You can only expect that they will do the same at your wedding.

How will DH feel (really feel) if his family don't attend? Or leave part-way through?

How would you both feel if they attend but make their own catering arrangements - will it be ok if a group of your guests decides to buy in a takeaway? What if others see this happening and do the same?

You can decide whatever you want and other people can decide to react how they choose, but their choice might spoil your day more than offering a menu that contains a range of foods that everyone can enjoy.

FlorenceWintle · 24/04/2021 09:28

I wouldn’t even discuss it with the family to be honest or talk about a ‘vegan wedding’. Just give them vague answers if they ask and serve the food you want on the day.

TheKeatingFive · 24/04/2021 09:28

I wouldn’t. I’d be prioritising the comfort and enjoyment of my guests.

I find the notion that guests will be ‘uncomfortable’ and couldn't enjoy themselves without meat UTTERLY staggering.

Comefromaway · 24/04/2021 09:29

I would struggle to eat at a vegan wedding to be honest. I have food sensory issues and tend to eat very plain food that’s separate and not mixed up or in sauces.

Things I would eat

Potatoes (boiled, chipped, jacket, roasted or mashed)
Vegetables (cooked without Spices)
Bread (no spread) I would eat plain pitta bread but not naan)
Plain crisps
Breadsticks

I’m struggling to think of anything else

Daleksatemyshed · 24/04/2021 09:31

Lots of posters here making fun of others who won't eat vegan but skirting around the issue of those with medical issues. If like me you can't eat spiced or high fibre food set menus at weddings are a problem. Be kind Op and make sure there's food for all, not meat, just something like pasta

HaveringWavering · 24/04/2021 09:31

@Comefromaway

I would struggle to eat at a vegan wedding to be honest. I have food sensory issues and tend to eat very plain food that’s separate and not mixed up or in sauces.

Things I would eat

Potatoes (boiled, chipped, jacket, roasted or mashed)
Vegetables (cooked without Spices)
Bread (no spread) I would eat plain pitta bread but not naan)
Plain crisps
Breadsticks

I’m struggling to think of anything else

So you’d ask for those things when asked for your dietary requirements, same as you’d have to ask for special food at a non-vegan wedding.
HaveringWavering · 24/04/2021 09:33

@Daleksatemyshed

Lots of posters here making fun of others who won't eat vegan but skirting around the issue of those with medical issues. If like me you can't eat spiced or high fibre food set menus at weddings are a problem. Be kind Op and make sure there's food for all, not meat, just something like pasta
People with issues will specify when asked for dietary requirements. Why should OP have to anticipate the individual quirks of each guest? Totally normal to ask.
supermoonrising · 24/04/2021 09:34

It’s really funny how many people still can’t conceive of the very occasional meal without meat or dairy.

Thatswatshesaid · 24/04/2021 09:34

As long as there are some ‘normal’ carb options (chips, potatoes, bread etc) then tell them to do one. You shouldn’t change your principles to suit them.
I am willing to change my mind if you post some totally in accessible quinoa based menu. But I would still say stick to vegan but add some stuff that doesn’t scare the poor little meat eaters.

WeAllHaveWings · 24/04/2021 09:36

I've never had vegan meal I've enjoyed. I love a wedding so would attend hoping it was at least edible (and enthusiastically lie when you asked what I thought of it out of politeness). If i didn't enjoy it I'd either be pissed on an empty stomach by 6pm and/or leave early as it is a long day without eating a full meal.

You need to find the balance between "your wedding/your day" and being a good host to your guests who have already voiced concerns over your menu. IMO, generally not just on this vegan point, there is now too much emphasis on the former with complete disregard for the latter.

Subbaxeo · 24/04/2021 09:36

Go for it-vegan food done without the fake meat can be delicious. I eat meat but would be delighted to have some delicious healthy flavourful plant based food. People with food issues can bring their own-like the poster who says she only eats plain food. I assume those issues would still be there at a non vegan celebration. It’s your day and a celebration of who you both are.

Floralchickens · 24/04/2021 09:36

As long as allergies are catered for it will be fine!
Actually I would be interested in what my family would get as I tried but couldn’t keep us on a vegan diet due to wheat/ soya/ lentil/ chickpea intolerances (severe- if it was eaten their would be projectile vomit at the reception).

But I’m used to taking food everywhere we go so if we couldn’t eat it, I’d just feed them myself anyway.