To only serve vegan food at my wedding.

[inthewest]

My partner and myself are both vegan. We want to serve an only vegan menu from an excellent vegan caterer. I know people aren't a fan of "fake meat" and we've deliberately chosen to not have anything of that sort. Our menu will include many options and will cater to allergies and dietary needs such as celiac. The food is delicious, is very "us" and reflects us as couple.

We have had pushback from my partners family. Adult family. I'm fully prepared to cater for children but not adults. Our thinking is that it's one meal.

You made a rod for your own back by telling everyone. I had pork for my wedding - and I didn’t tell anyone beforehand - obviously catered for dietary needs.

Had at least three people say afterwards “oh I don’t usually like pork but that was delicious”. I know they would have turned it down had I mentioned it.

I’d have done the same with the vegan menu - just put it out there.

If I were invited to a wedding where both parties were vegan then I’d expect the meal to be vegan to. Re “ it’s only one meal” I totally agree... your family and friends should be willing to support you in this. The phrase, “those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind” seems apt in this case. Have the day you want OP and don’t compromise your beliefs because if you do that will stay with you. Hope you have a lovely day

One thing this thread has taught me is how many people are desperate to let everyone know that vegan food is "delicious"

If you want to serve vegan food that's your call, I wouldn't personally as I'd take my guests happiness into account but it is your call at the end of the day. However if you go ahead, let people know in advance or you'll have all the kids crying as their parents will be snaffling their chicken nuggets!

It is absolutely fine, the only thing I would say is make it known to people in advance. I went to wedding where it was a hog roast - so we snuck off for half an hour and returned. This only works where it is an informal wedding in town of course!

If people are not happy they can bring some pork pies in their hand bag

As long as it’s delicious, it’s fine.

I’ve been to weddings where the food was vegetarian and an absolute treat (Indian)

I don’t think it’s about the food representing the couple though. That bit is odd. I think about wedding food as a chance to give the guests a treat/great food

Vegan would be great, as long as it wasn’t sad tiny portions of über healthy food

@MrsKoala

The food is delicious, is very "us" and reflects us as couple.

Can I ask how the food reflects you as a couple? When I got married, both times, the food was just food. We didn’t think of it as something which might reflect anything. We just served what we thought our guests wanted to eat (both times they got given menus to order what they wanted). We didn’t think of it as anything to do with us as a couple. I’m genuinely interested in this idea that food at your wedding reflects you as a couple.

At my wedding we had afternoon tea canapés, it was something we asked venue for specially and they now serve them to anyone who wants them, going for an afternoon teas was something we as a couple liked to do, a lot of our friends knew it was a 'us' thing.

I’m not a vegan.

What if I’d chosen to do an entirely meat and animal food based menu?

With our wedding I’ve chosen a meat, vegetarian and vegan option so there is something for everyone, including the canapés and desserts.

I mean, I get that you and your OH are vegan, but some of your guests aren’t (I assume), I feel like your deliberately doing it to push you veganism on them IMO. I don’t see any other reason why you wouldn’t want to cater to your guests even slightly.

I agree with the above poster, about how vegans make their entire life about their diet.

I can almost sense your having the big light up letters, but they don’t spell love.. or dance.

Personally (as someone who isn't vegan) I'd say yes it's fine, vegan food can be delicious and although it's not everyone's idea of a fab meal, nothing is preventing them from eating it (as in they aren't allergic to all plant passed products!). However, if you're happy to have meat dishes for children, it does seem a little mean not to have one meat option for adults. It is your wedding though and you do what you like, I doubt anyone will starve!

@littlepattilou you are being absolutely ridiculous! Would you expect to be served bacon at a Jewish wedding? Would you expect a Muslim to eat pork at your wedding if you weren’t given it at theirs? Being vegan is so much more than just following a diet, it is a belief system, a way of life. If people can’t respect that then they are not friends and probably shouldn’t attend the wedding. If you cannot understand why your vegan ‘friends’ don’t buy regular milk for your coffee then you are not a friend either. I am not vegan or even vegetarian by the way. Just last week I had lunch with my vegan friend and she put out the most amazing spread! Vegan food can be absolutely delicious and very filling. Stop being so dramatic, it’s one bloody meal.

Your wedding, your choice. I would eat vegan food quite happily if it was part of someone's special day. I might get a takeaway on my way home if I didn't enjoy it but its nice to at least try.

I am a meat eater but have often chosen the vegetarian option at restaurants so I would say it’s your day and your choice and if the food is nice I don’t see why anyone would give it a second thought! I often have non meat dinners at home too and enjoy them. I don’t even think you need to cater with meat for the children either, or you could go for a vegan style child appealing food if you really wanted like vegan nuggets or something. I think the day should reflect you and your partner and the funny thing is even if you served meat there will be still people moaning they don’t like that meat! It’s not your partners family’s wedding so it’s not up to them!

Why tell everyone before hand?

I'm assuming most people can eat vegetables. They'll be fine and can have a steak when they get home if they are that desperate.

Yanbu. This is your wedding. Of course only serve vegan food! People can survive without animal products for one day.
I would warn people on the invitations before hand though.

@Mrgrinch

I wouldn't go. How is it that vegans manage to make their entire life revolve around their diet?

Just bring a pack of ham if you are that desperate.

I'd be concerned if you were only offering vegan food for children. Children should not be given restricted diets.

@lobster12

Yanbu. This is your wedding. Of course only serve vegan food! People can survive without animal products for one day. I would warn people on the invitations before hand though.

Why would you warn them? People can manage a day without cheese and meat.

Don't do the soya "meat" though as it can make people who aren't used to it quite ill

@NoIDontWatchLoveIsland it’s one meal FGS. It won’t kill them. What a silly comment 🙄

@NoIDontWatchLoveIsland

I'd be concerned if you were only offering vegan food for children. Children should not be given restricted diets.

Are you entirely mad? For one meal for one day???????????????

@NoIDontWatchLoveIsland

I'd be concerned if you were only offering vegan food for children. Children should not be given restricted diets.

Good thing the OP isn't responsible for the entire dietary provision of the DC attending the wedding then.

It's one meal FFS. Beans on toast is vegan. Are you really saying that if someone feeds a child beans on toast for lunch then it's a deficient and restricted diet?

Someone will always have a whinge whatever you serve whether it's veggie, vegan or meat!

We gave our guests a choice of 2 meals and My SIL and her partner still went to McDonald's round the corner rather than eat the meal.

It's one meal, surely they can survive without meat for a day!

I'd have no problem with a vegan meal at all.
But hospitality is about making your guests happy. So as a host I wouldn't do this. Only having food that is 'very me' and not also providing an option that caters for other tastes, feels wrong to me. I'd want people to actively enjoy the day.

Hospitality is guest focused, not host focused. It might be your day, but people will have gone out of their way to attend. Be a good host.

@MrsKoala

The food is delicious, is very "us" and reflects us as couple.

Can I ask how the food reflects you as a couple? When I got married, both times, the food was just food. We didn’t think of it as something which might reflect anything. We just served what we thought our guests wanted to eat (both times they got given menus to order what they wanted). We didn’t think of it as anything to do with us as a couple. I’m genuinely interested in this idea that food at your wedding reflects you as a couple.

Weddings are such a huge business now to what they used to be. My parents are horrified at how much it costs to get married nowadays! With this, a lot more thought and effort go into the minute details to make it about the couple. I'm getting married soon and we have chosen a menu that reflects us a couple - Mediterranean and Turkish cuisine on sharing platters for the tables which we absolutely love. It's how we are and want to reflect that in the food and the way people eat.

If you're having children at your wedding, I'd offer a plain option for them, chips and meat free sausages perhaps. Only because a lot of children can be fussy and I wouldn't want to be at a wedding all day knowing my children wouldn't eat. That or maybe allow parents to bring their children a packed lunch?
I'd be fine with vegan food for myself though.