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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To only serve vegan food at my wedding.

999 replies

inthewest · 23/04/2021 21:44

My partner and myself are both vegan. We want to serve an only vegan menu from an excellent vegan caterer. I know people aren't a fan of "fake meat" and we've deliberately chosen to not have anything of that sort. Our menu will include many options and will cater to allergies and dietary needs such as celiac. The food is delicious, is very "us" and reflects us as couple.

We have had pushback from my partners family. Adult family. I'm fully prepared to cater for children but not adults. Our thinking is that it's one meal.

OP posts:

donquixotedelamancha · 23/04/2021 23:32

People often include a little verse inside the invitation, about togetherness or similar, to make people want to some. How about:

it is only 1 day and it's your day,surely people that love you both can suck it up for one day.

Warmduscher · 23/04/2021 23:32

It’s interesting that some people are saying they wouldn’t attend a vegan wedding.

Flipping that around, when we had our vegetarian wedding in 1993, it enabled us to leave out all the people we didn’t want to invite anyway, as they would have hated a vegetarian lunch and evening buffet.

Win-win really.

Butwasitherdriveway · 23/04/2021 23:32

@Warmduscher

People saying they would bring their own food / sandwiches - would you really sit down for the wedding meal and bring a packed lunch out of your handbag and start eating it?

Would you not - you know - feel a bit of a tit doing that?

Eat before the wedding.

I did this at my vegan friends wedding and still had a cracking night.

dotdashdashdash · 23/04/2021 23:32

there is absolutely no reason to say anything to any of the guests about the fact that the food is vegan

As long as they specifically ask people to tell them their allergies.

HoldontoOneMoreDay · 23/04/2021 23:33

It wouldn't even cross my mind that two vegans would serve meat at their wedding. I would say to make sure there is plenty of it and plenty of carbs as vegan food can be lighter than meat-based meals and you do want people to line their stomach. If you have kids, something simple - but that doesn't have to be nuggets! Pasta with tomato sauce, for example, is super-simple and I've never met a kid yet who doesn't eat it.

Tea/coffee - is just something to think about. I can't abide milk replacements and I think a lot of people are the same. Venues can charge ££ for simple teas and coffees and it would be a shame to waste your money. Maybe a couple of jugs of milk could be the compromise?

Quaagars · 23/04/2021 23:33

@emilyfrost

YABU. I would not be attending as I would not be interested in having your ridiculous sanctimonious beliefs forced upon me.

Nobody's forcing you to become vegan for goodness sake! It's one single day. One meal. They're not going to make you sing meat is murder round the dance floor or foist leaflets on you for crying out loud lol Seriously, people get so dramatic over vegans, it's honestly baffling!

Positivevibesonlyplease · 23/04/2021 23:33

@littlepattilou

As long as you are OK with going to someone's wedding, or party, or 'evening meal' and only being offered dairy and meat products, then yeah, go ahead and only offer vegan food at your wedding.

If you would not accept dairy or meat products in the food you were offered, then of COURSE you are being unreasonable to only offer vegan food to the guests at your wedding.

I can't believe you even have to ask!

You’re not unreasonable, I think if you’re vegan, then by all means serve vegan food. This post is unreasonable, however! The point is, almost EVERYONE can eat vegan food (except those with allergies), but not everyone can eat dairy and meat.

donquixotedelamancha · 23/04/2021 23:34

Is there a religion that demands that people MUST eat meat daily? As in, sacred obligation and offensive not to eat at least one animal product on any mixed plate of food.

I think it's more of an ethical choose than a religious thing.

BogRollBOGOF · 23/04/2021 23:34

Be clear about allergens.
I'd hate to find out 20 minutes later in the toilets that it was a soya based "ice cream" for example. So would everyone else

Offer choices. Plant based ingredients can be a bit of a sensory minefield. One dish won't please all.

There's a reason why dry chicken breast is a wedding staple... it's predictable. No unpleasant hidden surprises which is more important than it being anyone's favourite. (And the veggie/ vegan alternative being a fairly predictable repetoire too) The difficulty with a vegan menu to an omnivore, is many people's lack of familiarity with ingredients/ the final dish.

That's not a don't do it/ it's unreasonable, just why many omnivores may not be enthused about the idea.
Good food should solve any issues on the day

Warmduscher · 23/04/2021 23:36

Eat before the wedding.

I did this at my vegan friends wedding and still had a cracking night.

Yes, that’s an option if you have such a restricted diet that you can’t tolerate anything that isn’t meat or fish, but I was actually referring to the posters who said they would bring their own food / sandwiches.

Positivevibesonlyplease · 23/04/2021 23:36

Also, you don’t go to a wedding for the food, surely? Isn’t that just an added bonus? You go to celebrate the love of friends or family members and to have a bloody good time.

Quaagars · 23/04/2021 23:37

Yes, I agree about allergies, important to ask about those, although isn't that the norm whether it's a meat eating wedding, a veggie one or a vegan one?
Would be the same and important to do that whatever the menu.

dotdashdashdash · 23/04/2021 23:37

@Warmduscher

People saying they would bring their own food / sandwiches - would you really sit down for the wedding meal and bring a packed lunch out of your handbag and start eating it?

Would you not - you know - feel a bit of a tit doing that?

If not given the option to give my allergies before hand, I'd probably pick what I could out of the main and then politely excuse myself and either go to my room (if staying in the hotel) or in to a quiet corridor/ outside and eat my food. If I didn't eat I'd get really drunk really quickly.

I once went to a vegetarian Hindu wedding and most of the food was stuff I couldn't eat, except for the saag paneer (each table had a selection of buffet style pots). The catering staff noticed without me saying anything and brought me my own saag paneer which was very kind of them! And it was flipping delicious.

adeleh · 23/04/2021 23:37

A meat-eater having one vegan meal osn’t bending over backwards FfS.

dotdashdashdash · 23/04/2021 23:39

@Quaagars

Yes, I agree about allergies, important to ask about those, although isn't that the norm whether it's a meat eating wedding, a veggie one or a vegan one? Would be the same and important to do that whatever the menu.

I can only think of one wedding where I've been asked in advance for allergy info, though I suspect that'll be more common now with the new legislation. I'm allergic to such a weird set of stuff that vegan weddings are usually the only time it is an issue.

GintyMcGinty · 23/04/2021 23:39

We had a vegetarian wedding.

I had 2 uncles who had a bit of a moan but apart from that everyone was completely fine about it. My veggie friends were ecstatic to go to a function and actually get a choice of what to eat.

And we saved a bloody fortune too.

Your wedding, your choice.

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 23/04/2021 23:39

I'm just hovering round to get a glimpse of the menu .

Mushrooms are lush and best served raw .
Not a fan of curry type food , I don;t like coconut in savoury things .
Otherwise , go for it !

PurpleDaisies · 23/04/2021 23:39

Why aren’t these people with allergies informing people anyway? A meat dish could easily contain problem ingredients.

ScrollingLeaves · 23/04/2021 23:40

littlepattilou
“Indian food is LUSH. Vegan food is bland cack.”

A lot of Indian food is vegan.
So is a lot of Middle-Eastern ..... and Mediterranean ...and food from so many more places.

LadyJaye · 23/04/2021 23:40

I'm vegetarian rather than vegan, but had a big birthday recently and hired an excellent vegan caterer, as it was easy to cater that way for a diverse group that included omni/veggie/vegan/kosher/halal/GF etc.

Food was brilliant and got lots of compliments. If any omnis were grossly offended, they didn't mention it.

SionnachRua · 23/04/2021 23:40

Definitely be clear about the allergens. You don't want guests getting sick at the wedding! And look, if someone is that against not eating meat for one meal that can be their cue to not attend.

Maybe the solution is to put the meal options up on the wedding website/in with the invite and ask people to send back their choice to you, along with any allergy information. That's happened at a lot of the omnivore weddings I've been to.

Positivevibesonlyplease · 23/04/2021 23:41

The absolute knobs who would take their own food! Only acceptable with children, not moaning adults (unless allergic.) To sit there, with faces like prunes, judging and being sanctimonious themselves...I hate bloody complainers and drains! What’s wrong with you people? Eat the food you’re given and wish the couple joy and health - which they’re much more likely to have, of course, being vegan!

Guavafish · 23/04/2021 23:42

Do it!

Warmduscher · 23/04/2021 23:44

That sounds tough. I think I’d be too embarrassed to stand eating my own food in a corridor (and imagine how awful the bride or groom would feel if they came across you eating surreptitiously when they’d just laid on a meal!).

I think if I had had allergies to almost all non-meat food, I would definitely speak to the bride and groom beforehand, otherwise it makes it into a much bigger issue than it needs to be.

oopsydaisyyy · 23/04/2021 23:45

ive returned to this thread a few times now !! OP plz post the menu already

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