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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is extremely odd?

91 replies

Lollipoplife · 23/04/2021 18:57

My SO has a couple of work colleagues who are late 50s/early 60s. He’s early 40s but he enjoys the company of older people.
Anyway, these two men have never had a relationship or sexual encounter with anybody, in all those years.
I find this extraordinary and completely bizarre. Am I being unreasonable to think this way?!

OP posts:
Ellasmummyx1 · 23/04/2021 19:02

I think that’s very unusual! There’s not much more to say on it though

the80sweregreat · 23/04/2021 19:09

I would think it's a bit unusual , but that's all really. It's not easy meeting people and many just don't or not interested in a relationship or even sex!

MrsTulipTattsyrup · 23/04/2021 19:13

Why are colleagues discussing their sex lives at all? Highly inappropriate in any workplace.

Obbydoo · 23/04/2021 19:14

How is this any business of yours?

unvillage · 23/04/2021 19:14

Asexuality is not as uncommon as you think!

Crunchymum · 23/04/2021 19:16

How does your partner (and yourself) know about this?

ginandgingers92 · 23/04/2021 19:16

@MrsTulipTattsyrup depends where they work. It may be highly appropriate, or totally normal 🤷🏼‍♀️

BackforGood · 23/04/2021 19:19

What I think is odd is that your SO is discussing what is clearly a private matter he has discussed with some, with you.

I don't think it is particularly strange that a person hasn't have a sexual relationship with someone.

greeneyedlulu · 23/04/2021 19:19

I have 2 uncles and an aunt who I don't think have ever had a partner, sexual or otherwise, their mother tied those apron strings very tightly. She now passed, so has my aunt, so my 2 uncles are left with each other, ones 50 the other, 60. I do feel sorry for them sometimes especially the younger one as I think he would have made a lovely husband for someone. I don't think either of them would live the same life again given the chance to go back.

MrsTulipTattsyrup · 23/04/2021 19:19

[quote ginandgingers92]@MrsTulipTattsyrup depends where they work. It may be highly appropriate, or totally normal 🤷🏼‍♀️[/quote]
Except in some very specific circumstances I can’t think of a situation where people could do their job better by knowing how much sex a colleague has.

lolacola77 · 23/04/2021 19:21

Maybe they're in a throuple with your SO? 😂 It's really none of your business. There are may reasons why people aren't in relationships. Choice is one of them.

iklboo · 23/04/2021 19:28

Maybe they've discussed it out of work (pre Covid) rather than at the team meeting?

'Today's agenda: monthly sales, new starters, holiday rota, sexual preferences and number of partners, AOB'

Chloemol · 23/04/2021 19:40

What’s it got to do with you! and why is your SO discussing it with you

Mind your own business

Beseigedbykillersquirrels · 23/04/2021 19:45

I don't know why people on here seem so surprised that people build genuine friendships with colleagues. It happens very frequently. You start off as colleagues and pass the time of day then grow into friends and the chats move on to more in depth things.
I think YABVU in being so invested in two men's sex lives and your boyfriend even more so by gossiping about it to you.

drpet49 · 23/04/2021 19:46

Very unusual.

Mulberry974 · 23/04/2021 19:48

It's not typical but I'm not sure I'd see it as bizarre. You have no idea which of the people you meet have had 100 or no lovers. To me this is part of the obsession society has with everyone being part of a couple.

TheLastLotus · 23/04/2021 19:48

It’s unusual OP - but is the upshot of this you thinking that there’s something wrong with them?
Quite a few ‘retiring’ men who have done nothing but gone to work and home to TV. Never mixed much with girls and never cared.
Also they may be gay or asexual.

picklemewalnuts · 23/04/2021 19:49

I know people that age that haven't had sexual relationships. People started a bit later, sex was less casual, more a part of a relationship. Some people didn't get in relationships so didn't have sex.

lap90 · 23/04/2021 19:51

I think it's extremely odd that you know this information tbh.

warmandtoasty2day · 23/04/2021 19:51

@iklboo

Maybe they've discussed it out of work (pre Covid) rather than at the team meeting?

'Today's agenda: monthly sales, new starters, holiday rota, sexual preferences and number of partners, AOB'

Grin
Skyliner001 · 23/04/2021 19:53

Gosh, just leave them to it. You are unreasonable to even stick your nose in.

TheJackieWeaver · 23/04/2021 19:55

How on earth do you know this?

YouShouldLeave · 23/04/2021 19:57

YABVU.
”Extremely odd”?
What an awful thing to say!

Candycane57 · 23/04/2021 20:00

Dh's Aunt and Uncle are mid 70s and have never had sex with anyone. It's not uncommon.

NameChangedForThisFeb21 · 23/04/2021 20:00

It’s unusual but not as bizarre or odd as your mean and judgemental attitude towards it. Not everyone has had the sort of life or background as you. Some people might have had traumatic childhoods that have left them with attachment disorders, there could be past sexual abuse, there might just not have been anyone who wanted a relationship with them, they might be waiting for a meaningful relationship that so far hasn’t materialised or they might simply have no interest at all in sex. Even today there are lots of people who choose an asexual or celibate lifestyle (Buddhist monks and nuns, Catholic priests and sisters etc, some of them very young and handsome/beautiful and who could have had their pick of partners). Just because it’s not what we choose or we’ve been fortunate enough to meet sexual partners or have a healthy upbringing towards sex, it doesn’t mean that we somehow all have it right and can ridicule or mark out those as odd who choose not to have sex or who can’t for any reason,