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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want my autistic daughter to walk to school after this?

122 replies

Anon778833 · 22/04/2021 20:33

I’m absolutely fuming. My 12 year old autistic daughter who lives just 10 minutes from home, was walking home from school today with her two friends when three year 11 students (girls) from the same school came up behind her and her friends, started harassing her then pushed my daughter over.

My daughter now has an egg on her head, big grazes on her knees that need a tetanus shot because they were caked in dirt and swollen fingers.

I took photos of the girls who did this and sent them to school & reported the incident. I’ve also reported it online to the police.

My daughter is a tiny little thing and these girls were massive, compared to her and are actually taller than me. How can they be so nasty? Dd hasn’t even processed what happened yet. I only know what happened because her friend who does not have special needs knocked on my door and explained what had happened.

Should I drive her to school now?

OP posts:
AutomaticMoon · 24/04/2021 01:17

I was an Autistic female in school but undiagnosed, I was attacked and bullied sometimes & I became terrified of walking to school & back, but I had to keep doing it as I was in foster care & they couldn’t accompany me. I also had grown adult men rubbing their crotch area against my shoulder while I was sitting on the bus, men exposing themselves and saying sexual things that I didn’t even understand at the time. I would drive my daughter, if I had one.

Lou98 · 24/04/2021 01:50

It's good you've reported it OP! Definitely keep chasing what the school/police are doing. If they're getting that many reports they need to be dealing with it more effectively!

If your DD still wants to walk would you be able to walk with her/just behind her and her friends rather than drive her for a while?
It would also allow you to see if the girls are around or whether it was likely to be a one off that they were headed that way if your DD and her friends haven't seen them before. It would perhaps make you feel more comfortable letting your DD walk in the future if you know she's not likely to bump in to them again

It's good that your DD has friends looking out for her! I hope she's doing okay!

Original poster
Anon778833 · 24/04/2021 12:34

I’m definitely not going to let this drop. I heard from the year 7 teacher today and she said that nobody has updated her. She asked me to email my daughters account of what happened.

Reading between the lines it would seem that the year 11 head tries to minimise bad behaviour from his year group for whatever reason.

I have now emailed the head of year 7, and copied in the head of the school and the SENCO with exactly what did happen. And I’ve said in no uncertain terms that the Tick Tock story is a lie.

OP posts:
Original poster
Anon778833 · 24/04/2021 12:34

I’m also going to speak to the police later.

OP posts:
Moulesvinrouge1 · 24/04/2021 12:44

Good for you OP. These girls are guilty of a hate crime and of assault. If that was my teenager I would be taking them to the police station myself.

Original poster
Anon778833 · 24/04/2021 12:50

It’s definitely a crime. But for it to be a hate crime, I assume they’d have had to have known that she’s autistic?

OP posts:
Moulesvinrouge1 · 24/04/2021 13:19

Possibly. I’m not sure of the exact legalities citizens advice may have more. Was there any indication as to why they pushed her over rather than either of her friends?

Liverbird77 · 24/04/2021 13:26

Just reading your post made me so angry! Your poor daughter. I hope she's feeling ok now.

Keep on at the school. This cannot be allowed to slide. If they get away with it now, next time it could be even worse.

For what it's worth, if my daughter ever bullied and assaulted someone in this manner, I would absolutely want to know. I would be horrified and ensure she was punished. Is contacting the parents a possibility?

Original poster
Anon778833 · 24/04/2021 13:34

@Moulesvinrouge1

Possibly. I’m not sure of the exact legalities citizens advice may have more. Was there any indication as to why they pushed her over rather than either of her friends?
My first thought was that it’s because she’s so tiny, she’d be much easier to push over than her friends.

However, she spends a lot of time in the Base which if for students with SEN so it’s possible they did know from that.

OP posts:
Moulesvinrouge1 · 24/04/2021 13:50

Oh wow these girls get ever more charming don't they. If she is in a Base the year 11 may well be aware of her, kids seem to have a radar for these things (is they are nasty pieces of work). As you’ve gotten the police involved (rightly so) I would advise against contacting the parents. Keep on at the police as much as you can.

Original poster
Anon778833 · 24/04/2021 18:58

I spoke to the police again and they keep saying it’s one version of events vs another. Apparently they don’t look at mobile phone activity in cases like this because ‘it’s not in the public interest’.

OP posts:
Original poster
Anon778833 · 24/04/2021 18:59

Oh the police said that it’s the schools place to deal with it in the first place because it was in school time. I pointed out that it was not in school time!

OP posts:
RandomMess · 24/04/2021 19:03

I would escalate a complaint with the police your child was physically assaulted by a much older larger one and they are victim blaming.

GreyhoundG1rl · 24/04/2021 19:04

@SugarbabyMilly

Oh the police said that it’s the schools place to deal with it in the first place because it was in school time. I pointed out that it was not in school time!
Don't let them fob you off with this Hmm
RandomMess · 24/04/2021 19:06

Keep escalating there is a proper complaints procedure follow it to the letter.

B33Fr33 · 24/04/2021 19:12

When my daughter was assaulted by some year 11 girls from her school close to home I reported it to the Police and school I issued her with a personal alarm, because she wanted to still walk to school and I didn't want her to be intimidated by brainless thugs. How does she feel about it

B33Fr33 · 24/04/2021 19:14

*the Police were actually very good, they took statements and details and images from us of injuries and two of the students.

Mayonaisepoo · 24/04/2021 19:14

@SugarbabyMilly

Oh the police said that it’s the schools place to deal with it in the first place because it was in school time. I pointed out that it was not in school time!
I work for the police (not police officer) and in my job if there was an assault, where the victim was supportive of police action and there were witnesses who could back up this account it would definitely be investigated as there are lines of enquiry! If the school want to take action that's up to them but that shouldn't mean the police do nothing! Keep pushing this. Make a bit of a nuisance of yourself if you have to and make a complaint/consider taking it higher if they are still resistant. Your DD deserves better from them.
Original poster
Anon778833 · 24/04/2021 19:20

@RandomMess

I would escalate a complaint with the police your child was physically assaulted by a much older larger one and they are victim blaming.
Thank you. How do I find out what the procedure is? Do police normally behave like this? What is their motivation to victim blame?
OP posts:
RandomMess · 24/04/2021 19:28

I would honestly google your force complaints procedure. Alternatively start a new thread asking how to on MN!

Original poster
Anon778833 · 24/04/2021 19:43

I’ve just looked into it and you can apparently apply for a review of how your complaint was handled if you weren’t satisfied.

The police officer dealing with it did say that she was going to try & find out if there is a building with CCTV nearby.

Tomorrow she’s coming to speak to my dd. Hopefully she’ll realise when looking at her that she couldn’t have defended herself against this situation. She looks about 9, rather than 12. And one of these girls was about 5ft 8 and the others not much shorter.

OP posts:
PantTwizzler · 24/04/2021 19:46

That sounds absolutely dreadful. Even more than the issue of safety on the walk home, I'd be worried about the safety of my child in school. It sounds like bullying is endemic and the school needs to take some serious action.

IHateCoronavirus · 24/04/2021 19:56

Bloody hell op your poor little girl Sad Good for you for not backing down. These bullies need a jolly good shock. What horrible girls!

Cocolapew · 24/04/2021 20:09

Your poor DD Sad I hope she's ok.
My DD was assaulted by girls a couple of years older than her. They didn't go to the same school but DD knew their names. They followed her from our local Spar and the 'ring leader' told the others to hit DD. They pulled her onto the road by her hair and then poured Coke over her face.
I phoned the police who went to see the girls. One of them admitted everything and her and the other girl accepted a caution.
The one who told them too hit DD denied being there and wouldn't accept a caution. So she was taken to court.
I was very surprised because she didn't actually touch DD but the policeman wasn't going to let her away with anything.

AutomaticMoon · 24/04/2021 21:40

@SugarbabyMilly you ask why would the police victim blame, to make less work for themselves! Yes, they always do this, in my extensive experience of trying to get help. Personal alarm is a good idea! ‘Not in the public interest’?! To allow girls like this to continue their abusive behaviours? God helps us all