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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want my autistic daughter to walk to school after this?

122 replies

Anon778833 · 22/04/2021 20:33

I’m absolutely fuming. My 12 year old autistic daughter who lives just 10 minutes from home, was walking home from school today with her two friends when three year 11 students (girls) from the same school came up behind her and her friends, started harassing her then pushed my daughter over.

My daughter now has an egg on her head, big grazes on her knees that need a tetanus shot because they were caked in dirt and swollen fingers.

I took photos of the girls who did this and sent them to school & reported the incident. I’ve also reported it online to the police.

My daughter is a tiny little thing and these girls were massive, compared to her and are actually taller than me. How can they be so nasty? Dd hasn’t even processed what happened yet. I only know what happened because her friend who does not have special needs knocked on my door and explained what had happened.

Should I drive her to school now?

OP posts:
Original poster
Anon778833 · 22/04/2021 21:44

She really wants to walk. I totally agree that it’s such a shame when I was trying to help her gain a little bit of independence but I feel she’s a sitting duck for abuse. If it wasn’t for her friend who looks out for her, I’d never have known about this.

OP posts:
PhillipPhillop · 22/04/2021 21:44

Have you taken photos of the injuries? Sorry, haven't rtft

Original poster
Anon778833 · 22/04/2021 21:47

Yes I took photos of the injuries.

OP posts:
toocold54 · 22/04/2021 21:51

This makes me so angry!!

I’m so glad you reported it as usually these things get missed as it’s on the way home and they don’t usually know the names of them.

I wouldn’t drive her as I think it’s a slippery slope you don’t want her being afraid of going out. But if it’s possible to meet her half way or something for a couple of days I’d be tempted to do that. But I am assuming these girls will get in trouble for it so I don’t think they’ll be any trouble again.

Original poster
Anon778833 · 22/04/2021 21:53

@toocold54

The thing that worries me is that people this nasty don’t really care about getting a telling off from school. I should imagine they’ve been in trouble before if they can be this vile.

OP posts:
GreyhoundG1rl · 22/04/2021 21:54

@SugarbabyMilly

Yes I took photos of the injuries.
Then the police will have to take it seriously. Don't be fobbed off either by the school or the police, the little savages deserve what's coming for them.
TSBelliot · 22/04/2021 21:54

I would follow up the police report - the school can’t do anything meaningful when these pupils are leaving in a handful of weeks. Violent assault on a much younger her, disabled child is appalling.
Hope she is much less sore tomorrow.

serin · 22/04/2021 21:56

Well done for your quick thinking.
We had something similar a few years ago when DS2 was beaten up on the school bus (for being gay), the lad who hit him with a weapon and split his head open, has parents who are pillars of the community (religious leaders). I rang them to tell them what had happened and was told " oh, whatever".
We then contacted the Police, who were fantastic, came out to him that evening and were so reassuring and kind.
They charged the other lad with assault.
I didn't drive DS2 into school because he didn't want me to, but his older brother made sure he was around (DS1 is huge, captain of rugby team and they would never have attacked DS2 if he was around).
School were also great, attacker got suspended and a few months later the family moved away.
I hope this is treated seriously OP, it is assault.

Original poster
Anon778833 · 22/04/2021 21:59

@serin - that is so awful. I’m so sorry this happened to your son.

OP posts:
SpongeCakeAddict · 22/04/2021 22:06

This happened to my eldest when she started year seven. We are a ten minute walk from school too. Same kid kept pushing her about, was dealt with and she changed her route slightly (he was autistic as is my dd). Then we moved house and a different boy and his friends started targeting her and her friends. School have been fantastic and luckily, with dd being so very tiny for her age, and a little "adorkable", some older girls looked out for her. The trouble stopped.
She will get her independence. With the first kid, my mum would walk up and meet her part way. That was a much farther walk though. With the second boy etc, we made sure she always walked with others.

mummysharkk · 22/04/2021 22:08

Big hugs to your dd.

So glad you went to the Police. FYI be aware some schools wash their hands of bullying incidents that happen off school premises if Police are involved. Hopefully your school is better than this.
Saying in case you 'forget' to tell them the police bit straight away but it'll be in their policy's.

Hope they are dealt with appropriately and made to apologise to dd in some way.
It's awful behaviour, I'd be so ashamed if mine behaved in this way!!

Hope you're ok too.

Oblomov21 · 22/04/2021 22:29

Good for you. Follow it up with police. And HoY.

museumum · 23/04/2021 08:29

Well done for dealing with this so we’ll with evidence, the school and police.

If your dd still really wants to walk I’d probably let her but head out to meet her part way or just be out in the street with your eyes open for a few days.

Original poster
Anon778833 · 23/04/2021 11:52

On the parents Facebook group, it has become apparent that other children in year 7 have complained of similar behaviour generally directed at the younger children by year 11 students Angry

The mothers have found out that their children are being shoved around at school, man handled out of the lunch queue, had the back of their shoes stepped on and are shoved on the stairs. This is happening to both boys and girls apparently. One child told her mother that she thought this is something she just has to put up with at high school Sad

It needs sorting out. The school itself is the most popular in our county and gets very good results. I am glad that what happened to my daughter has made people realise that this seems to be a widespread problem.

OP posts:
EmeraldShamrock · 23/04/2021 12:24

@SugarbabyMilly Great I'm glad you brought it to the forefront and police.
I hope DD is feeling okay, it's really tough especially with ASD it could destroy the social skills she spent years learning.

Starlight86 · 23/04/2021 12:33

This honestly makes me so fucking angry for you OP!!

I would never let this go, i would involve everyone including phoning the police and say you want them out as your daughter has been assaulted.

If the school dont deal with this I would name and shame them to everyone including on that fb group , involve their parents the lot.

This maybe isnt the best response and normally im known to handle things really well but im sorry this would devastate me if it was one of my children.

Bonheurdupasse · 23/04/2021 12:33

Follow up with the police. Go to them in person. (If possible with your daughter.)

Original poster
Anon778833 · 23/04/2021 12:36

I’ve reported it to the police and it’s been assigned to an officer to investigate it. It’s good I got pictures of them because otherwise we wouldn’t have a clue who did it.

OP posts:
GCAutist · 23/04/2021 12:38

If your daughter wants to walk please let her walk.

After I got attacked I wouldn’t go anywhere alone and well meaning people (friends/relatives) enabled this and decades later I am still unable to go out alone most of the time. I’m getting better now but if I’d just got back to it straight away I wouldn’t have built up this idea of safe and unsafe spaces.

If your daughter doesn’t have a fear of walking to school then you have to let her go or your fear could become hers and that may take decades to overcome.

Original poster
Anon778833 · 23/04/2021 12:41

I understand where you’re coming from but the only reason she isn’t afraid is that she doesn’t fully understand what happened to her. And I think that makes her more vulnerAble.

OP posts:
Thatisnotwhatisaid · 23/04/2021 12:42

Horrid. Happened to me on the way home once, a big rough older girl pushed me all the way up the street for no reason whatsoever. Feel for your DD, she shouldn’t have to put up with that shit.

Get straight onto the school, phone them then email the photos so they know who the perpetrators are. As for her walking, I would leave it up to your DD to decide. At least they should be leaving the school in a few months so she won’t have to deal with them much longer.

Whereisthewarmth · 23/04/2021 12:45

dont forget to also photo your dd, and perhaps even docs but tetnus shot should mean this is logged

Absolutely disgraceful op, but empathy and sympathy are learned behaviors alot of the time, they need adults to show them how we are all different and sadly it doesn't often happen.

Moulesvinrouge1 · 23/04/2021 15:10

I am so sorry for you and your poor DD OP. What nasty pieces of work they are. I would not let this lie, and would take it as far as you possibly can. Good luck.

Original poster
Anon778833 · 23/04/2021 18:17

The girls have told lies and said that my daughter was dancing to a tick tock video and tripped over Angry

But the thing is that her phone was off after school and was still off when she got home. Her friends are also saying that they are liars. None of them were even thinking about tick tock.

OP posts:
RandomMess · 23/04/2021 18:22

Well they're digging their own grave as the police can prove your DD wasn't using her own.

Just keep going back to the school, what is their anti bullying policy, are they implementing it etc etc

Go to the Governors etc

Do not let it drop with the police either.