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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want my autistic daughter to walk to school after this?

122 replies

Anon778833 · 22/04/2021 20:33

I’m absolutely fuming. My 12 year old autistic daughter who lives just 10 minutes from home, was walking home from school today with her two friends when three year 11 students (girls) from the same school came up behind her and her friends, started harassing her then pushed my daughter over.

My daughter now has an egg on her head, big grazes on her knees that need a tetanus shot because they were caked in dirt and swollen fingers.

I took photos of the girls who did this and sent them to school & reported the incident. I’ve also reported it online to the police.

My daughter is a tiny little thing and these girls were massive, compared to her and are actually taller than me. How can they be so nasty? Dd hasn’t even processed what happened yet. I only know what happened because her friend who does not have special needs knocked on my door and explained what had happened.

Should I drive her to school now?

OP posts:
Original poster
Anon778833 · 23/04/2021 18:30

I had a phone call from the police and the officer told me that there have been a lot of complaints about year 11 children bullying the younger ones. And that the school needs to address it.

OP posts:
RandomMess · 23/04/2021 18:36

Erm no your DD was assaulted in the street outside her home and you want the police to deal with it.

User0ne · 23/04/2021 18:40

As a teacher this rings massive alarm bells for me regarding the school. I'd probably seek to move my child but I can understand why you wouldn't want to do that if DD is autistic.

However, clearly school are not dealing with it or similar incidents adequately (because if they were they wouldn't be repeated) and the police should not be fobbing you off.

You should get back in touch with the police, repeat that your daughter was assaulted in public with witnesses and sustained injuries, that you want it properly investigated and if possible to press charges. if they say it's the school's responsibility again ask what their complaints procedure is.

If also be onto the school in a big way and be seeking other parents support if possible.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 23/04/2021 18:48

Your much younger disabled child was assaulted by older children approaching adulthood. That’s clearly a crime. Possibly a hate crime. This is a police matter. I’d make it clear you’re going to cause a fuss if fobbed off.

Original poster
Anon778833 · 23/04/2021 18:53

I don’t think the police will press charges. They are saying it’s our word against theirs. The officer said she was going to visit the girls at home with their parents there though to give them a warning.

I have, however written an email to the police telling them that my daughter couldn’t have been on her phone and I’ve emailed the school saying the same thing.

OP posts:
TheGlassBlowersDaughter · 23/04/2021 18:57

@SugarbabyMilly

I had a phone call from the police and the officer told me that there have been a lot of complaints about year 11 children bullying the younger ones. And that the school needs to address it.
I'm surprised that the police have been contacted often but they are putting responsibility back to the school. It usually takes a lot for a parent to contact the police so for a school to have multiple complaints is unusual.
Moulesvinrouge1 · 23/04/2021 19:02

As a previous poster said this is a hate crime. These girls are disgusting and presumably their parents are as disgusting as they are. I cannot imagine any teenage girls I know attacking a much younger girl. I would also write to your MP and the Board of Governors if you don’t get them to deal with it to your satisfaction. It’s a headache and paperwork for them - make yourself the bigger headache!

acceptableinthe80sx · 23/04/2021 19:03

Take it higher to the board of governors. Send a official letter time stamped and ask for a reply in xx amount of days given the severity of the issue I'd say 7 days is enough for them to come up with a plan to address this as they are also breaking covid rules allowing them to mix bubbles and that's a health and safety risk. The head is obviously not dealing with the issue.

If that fails, report to ofsted.

LargeYorkshirePuddingAndGravy · 23/04/2021 19:03

@Moulesvinrouge1

As a previous poster said this is a hate crime. These girls are disgusting and presumably their parents are as disgusting as they are. I cannot imagine any teenage girls I know attacking a much younger girl. I would also write to your MP and the Board of Governors if you don’t get them to deal with it to your satisfaction. It’s a headache and paperwork for them - make yourself the bigger headache!
Why would you presume that about their parents?
Yesmate · 23/04/2021 19:07

OP I wouldn’t accept that from the Police. As a former Police officer I can tell you confidently that they have no right to make the decision about one word against another and therefore will just have a chat. Imagine if they did that with every crime that didn’t have a witness?! In this case, your DD had friends with her so there were witnesses.
It is a compliant if assault and they have a duty to take a statement and investigate. Do not let them tell you that it’s for the school to deal with.
The CPS decide who gets charged, not the Police. Their job is to compile evidence starting with a statement, witness statements and arrest or voluntary interview of the suspects.

eatsleepread · 23/04/2021 19:08

Hope your girl is ok. That was an awful thing to happen.
I know it won't make you feel any better, but this attack wasn't personal to your autistic daughter. Those girls would have been shitty to anyone who crossed their path that day.
Thanks

Yesmate · 23/04/2021 19:09

Don’t get in to the ins and outs of whether or not she was on her phone, that’s all part of the investigation.
Pleas please do not let the Police fob you off.

Hoppinggreen · 23/04/2021 19:10

That’s awful, the Y11s at my DCs school at worst gnome the Y7s and are often really nice to them.
Your DDs school really needs to tackle this

Hoppinggreen · 23/04/2021 19:10

Ignore, ffs they don’t gnome them

funinthesun19 · 23/04/2021 19:23

I’m coming to this late, but I really hope it’s possible to press charges against them and they get a criminal record. They deserve it.

Moulesvinrouge1 · 23/04/2021 19:31

You’re right, I shouldn’t presume. Maybe it’s one Queen Bee whose parents are at their wits end with her. I just see too much of this crap with bullying attitudes, where kids grow up in a culture of ‘me first, and I’ll take anyone on who says different’. These are kids who are presumably old enough to drive or thereabouts repeatedly physically assaulting much younger children - that is absolutely not normal or in any way just ‘high jinks’ - it’s viscious.

Yorkshirehillbilly · 23/04/2021 19:33

Ask the police to treat it as a disability hate crime not ordinary bullying if they go to the same school and knew she was autistic maybe they targetted her because they knew she was vulnerable. I dont know how my son who is very obviously learning disabled will ever be able to go out safely in public. Let the girls prove that it wasnt hate crime related. You can report hate crime online. www.report-it.org.uk/your_police_force

Tal45 · 23/04/2021 19:38

It should be easy for them to prove she wasn't on her phone surely? Perhaps you could contact the provider and see if you can get it as the police can't seem to be bothered to do their job. Tell the police your daughter has been assaulted and you would like it properly investigated, if they won't then make a complaint.

Original poster
Anon778833 · 23/04/2021 19:42

The police in my area have an attitude of not wanting to give minors a criminal record.

I know this, because recently a 16 year old girl beat up a 12 year old girl. Her injuries were bad enough to be taken to hospital. And the police were reluctant to do much about it because she’s still a minor. I think she was charged in the end but only because there was CCTV evidence of every part of the attack (and the victim was knocked out).

OP posts:
ihateaparade · 23/04/2021 20:01

I wonder if there are any cctv's in the area where your daughter was attacked...

DorotheaDiamond · 23/04/2021 20:06

Also if she was on her phone and tripped that badly the phone would be smashed!!!

Yesmate · 23/04/2021 20:09

That may be the attitude OP but it’s not correct. A crime has been reported and they have a duty to investigate. Please don’t be fobbed off

SarahMused · 23/04/2021 20:16

Similar happened to my daughter in year 7. She was pushed into a hedge and verbally abused. The school we’re really helpful and decided to keep the students at school for half an hour at the end of the day so she could leave and walk home without coming across them. Could be a solution.

Mummyoflittledragon · 23/04/2021 20:45

Perhaps you’re going to need to be a squeaky wheel with the police. I think the idea of treating this as a hate crime is good. Someone needs to stand up to these children. They clearly think they are protected.

stairgates · 23/04/2021 21:07

Maybe someone along the street they were on has a doorbell camera, a long shot I know but may be worth an ask on a local facebook page.