I think I've upset my neighbours

[Happilysinglemum]

Last year while I was away for a week my neighbours erected a fence down the middle of a shared drive. This has left me with a drive which is no longer wide enough to open both car doors, which is rather a problem as I have 2 children so my autistic 10 year old ends up having to stand in the road while I get the car out. Around Christmas I approached the housing association who own the properties to ask if they would consider widening part of my drive, it would mean I would loose part of my front garden but at least I'd be able to open the doors. They sent a surveyor within weeks who visited while I was at work, he left a card to say he had been and someone would be in touch.

When I got to March and I still hadn't heard anything I phoned again and asked for the housing officer to ring me as it is ridiculous to keep struggling and I was looking for a decision on my widening or an alternative suggestion. I also explained that I needed to speak to him as the horizontal rail is overhanging my side of the drive and blocking me from replacing my fence, it is only the horizontal rails, the posts are lined up with the boundary line.

He never phoned me back and due to Easter and work I have yet to chase.

This morning I received a letter from the housing association telling me a surveyor has examined the fence, it is constructed correctly and they have no issues with its location. I have never suggested it is not constructed correctly.

I tried to speak to my neighbour this afternoon, while not outwardly rude she told me the HA had told her I had complained and that her fence was fine and was going nowhere, I pointed out that her fence was blocking the end of mine and she offered to move that rail when I change the fence.

Where do I go from here? I feel that the landlord has created a potential neighbour dispute in speaking to my neighbour and not me.

[LalalalalalaLand123]

PS I've had a shared drive before, and tbh I'd much rather have had an own-drive, even if it seems narrower! Before, you were basically using your neighbour's bit of the drive to open your doors. Maybe that's why they put in the fence? Try to look on the bright side - your drive is now all yours and yours alone.

[TheGlassBlowersDaughter]

Take a bunch of flowers round to your neighbour and apologise for the confusion. Explain you were actually asking if you could widen your drive and hadn't asked the HA to look at her fence at all.

Then, put some slabs on the grass as everyone else has suggested.

[Whatamesssss]

@TheCanyon

Now, is it your neighbours cat shitting on your grass?

Finally, someone asked the most pressing question!!! I too wondered this.

It would make your life much easy Op to just get a few paving slabs and save yourself the headache and impossible task of dealing with a HA/Council.

Apologise to neighbour and explain about the drive and how the HA got the wrong end of the stick.

[HunterHearstHelmsley]

If it weren't for the HA part, I'd think you were my neighbour!

We have adjacent drive which she always insisted on calling "shared". When we were at the bottom of the drive we would step out onto her drive. Over the last couple of years she's been behaving very oddly and took umbrage of us stepping onto her side. We put a fence up a couple of weeks ago, it's a bit of a pain maneuvering but doable. However, the dozy neighbour seemed to forget she drove over the top of our drive to get onto hers due to a lamppost. She now can't park on her drive at all.

It's lovely having the fence though, when she's being strange we don't have tovfral with it. Feel bad for the postie though.

[HunterHearstHelmsley]

Went off on a tangent there, sorry!

Definitely get something to put over the grass. Least painful option.

[Bluntness100]

@TwoStepsAhead34

This is the email I would send to HA/ council and to the nimron of a surveyor:

TITLE- OFFICIAL COMPLAINT

Hello.

Hope this email finds you well.

I am unfortunately forced to write this unpleasant email due to your incompetence and lack of regard to the situation.
I have complained that the shared drive has now been split by neighbour who has put up a boundary fence.
The fitting/safety of the fence is not a problem.
Due to the fact (which I had complained in my previous letters) my drive is now not wide enough to open both car doors. Which means my 10y SEN child is forced to wait on the side while I get the car out.
The surveyor who came out - I honestly am baffled by his incompetence - came and checked the fence? The fence that I did not complained about!
Why are people who are obvious unable to do their job employed by the council???
I complained that my drive is too narrow and it needs widening.
Why did he ever go and check the fence? That was not the issue- issue is the drive and it's width!
To top it all off - HA goes and sends my neighbour a letter stating I had complained about the fence? Since when is this kind of lying information compulsory to be sent to my neighbour? This has put me into a very awkward position with my next door neighbour!

Therefore I wish this situation to be rectified as a matter of urgency - firstly send around competent surveyor who knows the difference between the fence and the drive- and knows that the problem is the drive and NOT the fence. Secondly the HA needs to send out the letter to my neighbour outlining they had been in the wrong and I had NOT complained about the fence, but about the drive, which has nothing to do with the neighbour!

I find this whole situation absolutely outrageous and quite frankly very unprofessional on unacceptable level!

I await for your reply!

Regards,
Happily

Lol don’t send that, you’ll sound like a right loon. 😂😂😂

[Bluntness100]

@TheGlassBlowersDaughter

Take a bunch of flowers round to your neighbour and apologise for the confusion. Explain you were actually asking if you could widen your drive and hadn't asked the HA to look at her fence at all.

Then, put some slabs on the grass as everyone else has suggested.

But she did, she told them it was incorrectly constructed and rhe horizonal bars were blocking her fence. She states it in the op.

[TheGlassBlowersDaughter]

I know but she seems to want to pretend that she didn't complain

[GreenChips]

2 visits from a surveyor, correspondence back and forward with the housing association, bad feeling with a neighbour, causing yourself stress and worry all because your kid stood in shit one time?!

This is so not an issue, buy a bottle of wine and a slab and you're good!

[MyRight]

I think you’re expecting too much for a social housing tenant. They won’t install a drive for you. It’s not necessary. I would go with what other posters have said and get some slabs.

[MichelleScarn]

Please don't send the OFFICIAL COMPLAINT email, it'll make things ridiculous!

[CharityDingle]

Lol don’t send that, you’ll sound like a right loon. 😂😂😂

Exactly.

It would give the recipient a bit of amusement if nothing else. It certainly wouldn't help with addressing any issues.

[Moonwhite]

Don't send the email, just drop it.

You've lost a bit of convenience, but there's no need for your child to stand in the road. Do the paving slab thing, or if you have a carseat put it on the fence side, put them in the car first, then your older child can walk out of the house and get in.

Please don't stand him in the road just to make a passive aggressive point.

[Imissthegym]

This is bonkers. Park on the grass and put down some paving stones. You could have easily sorted this out cheaply in the time you’ve been faffing about with the HA.

[emilyfrost]

YABU. You’ve created an issue where there isn’t one, OP.

Getting out into grass isn’t the huge problem you seem to think it is, and even if it was, just put a flagstone down. You don’t need your drive widened, you can solve this “problem” yourself.

[Jumpers268]

So rather than explaining to the neighbour that you hadn't complained about the fence, you complained about the fence to the neighbour?

[Bluepumpkinwife]

This is crazy you should be able to drive on and have both children safe on the drive getting out. The neighbour obviously put the fence up while you weren’t there knowing it was going to be an issue it seems? I would contact them again and ask them are they going to take responsibility for your autistic child having to get out of the car before being on the drive? I find this works when you ask them to take responsibility. They should extend the drive for your childs safety.

[Dishwashersaurous]

You were using someone else's driveway to get out of your car.

Just because you can't use someone else's property now you can't ask your landlord to make expensive changes to your property.

You are fortunate to have a driveway. Lots of people have given you practical suggestions.

Of course the surveyor was going to inspect the fence as the landlord wouldn't even contemplate that someone would actually be complaining that they were not allowed to use their neighbours land.

[Localocal]

Paving slabs on the grass, or plastic grids, as others have said. Or teach your child to look where they are walking?

Poo on the shoes once seems like a minor thing to make a song and dance with the housing association and neighbour over. Cats rarely poo in the open anyway.

[Bluntness100]

@Bluepumpkinwife

This is crazy you should be able to drive on and have both children safe on the drive getting out. The neighbour obviously put the fence up while you weren’t there knowing it was going to be an issue it seems? I would contact them again and ask them are they going to take responsibility for your autistic child having to get out of the car before being on the drive? I find this works when you ask them to take responsibility. They should extend the drive for your childs safety.

This can’t be a serious post? The op has no right to her neighbours drive. And of course the neighbours not going to pay to extend her drive. The ops child is not their responsibility

[Dishwashersaurous]

and most driveways are not wide enough to open both doors on a car.

So either always make sure that your autistic child will on the side which opens. Then other child moves across. Reverse in if necessary.

[emilyfrost]

@Bluepumpkinwife You are joking, yes? The only person responsible for OP’s child is herself.

Nothing to do with the neighbour who has every right to put up a fence on her side.

The child does not need to stand in the road, they can stand on the grass.

[MichelleScarn]

I would contact them again and ask them are they going to take responsibility for your autistic child having to get out of the car before being on the drive? I find this works when you ask them to take responsibility. They should extend the drive for your childs safety. could you explain this more succinctly as to who you are landing responsibility for OPs child on, neighbours or HA? Its ops choice to do this, as they don't want child to step on lawn as there might be cat poo...

[Shrivelled]

4 pages in and still no diagram?!!

[GroovyPeanut]

Slabs?
Plastic Grid?
Disposable Shoe covers?
Putting other kids in and leaving the side clear for your Son?
Making your Son stand in the road is just plain irresponsible and silly!

All these options could have been applied, instead waiting months for the HA to respond and check the fence. It was the fence you complained about, you've said that in your OP

All you've gained is
You've upset your neighbours
Made unrealistic demands/ costs from your Landlord
Caused unnecessary drama by making your poor son stand in the road.
I'd just quit now, before you get yourself into more strife.