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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

I think I've upset my neighbours

121 replies

Happilysinglemum · 22/04/2021 19:21

Last year while I was away for a week my neighbours erected a fence down the middle of a shared drive. This has left me with a drive which is no longer wide enough to open both car doors, which is rather a problem as I have 2 children so my autistic 10 year old ends up having to stand in the road while I get the car out. Around Christmas I approached the housing association who own the properties to ask if they would consider widening part of my drive, it would mean I would loose part of my front garden but at least I'd be able to open the doors. They sent a surveyor within weeks who visited while I was at work, he left a card to say he had been and someone would be in touch.

When I got to March and I still hadn't heard anything I phoned again and asked for the housing officer to ring me as it is ridiculous to keep struggling and I was looking for a decision on my widening or an alternative suggestion. I also explained that I needed to speak to him as the horizontal rail is overhanging my side of the drive and blocking me from replacing my fence, it is only the horizontal rails, the posts are lined up with the boundary line.

He never phoned me back and due to Easter and work I have yet to chase.

This morning I received a letter from the housing association telling me a surveyor has examined the fence, it is constructed correctly and they have no issues with its location. I have never suggested it is not constructed correctly.

I tried to speak to my neighbour this afternoon, while not outwardly rude she told me the HA had told her I had complained and that her fence was fine and was going nowhere, I pointed out that her fence was blocking the end of mine and she offered to move that rail when I change the fence.

Where do I go from here? I feel that the landlord has created a potential neighbour dispute in speaking to my neighbour and not me.

OP posts:

Ideasplease322 · 22/04/2021 23:05

I was coming on to say it can’t be a shared driveway but everyone has beaten me to it.

I assume it’s two narrow driveways between two houses, your driveway isn’t wide enough so you were using her driveway to open doors etc.

As others have said, it’s sorely a cheap fix for you to do yourself?? Why wait months for the housing association to do it for you? I appreciate you don’t own the house, but surely you can take simple matter like this on yourself?

Original poster

Happilysinglemum · 23/04/2021 00:01

Thanks everyone. I think what I am asking has been missed so maybe I wasn’t clear. I know it’s possible to put some slabs down. My concern is that I haven’t made a complaint, I asked for a phone call from a housing officer that I didn’t get and what I did say must have been relayed badly as neighbours were told I’m complaining. I gave detail here as I didn’t want to be accused of drip feeding, instead I’m being told I’m petty.

OP posts:

Original poster

Happilysinglemum · 23/04/2021 00:03

Also I have never parked in their drive, yes my car door did open over their drive, their doors also opened over mine.

OP posts:

Planningobjection · 23/04/2021 00:06

@Artesia

Can’t you all get in the same side, and one of the kids just scooch across the seat?

Your solution.

Weirdfan · 23/04/2021 00:15

I think what people are struggling to understand is why you didn't just lay a couple of slabs to begin with rather than asking the HA to widen your drive! Yes it sounds like they've handled it badly with your neighbour but the whole thing could have been avoided if you hadn't gone the most laborious way around an easily fixable problem.

I live in a HA property and have learnt to sort any minor issues myself as much as possible, partly because getting them to do anything that costs is like pulling teeth and partly because (despite my first point!) I consider myself bloody fortunate to have a secure tenancy and affordable rent.

JackieTheFart · 23/04/2021 00:29

So did you say to the neighbour that actually you hadn’t complained at all, you were asking if they’d widen your drive?

Because if you went about your conversation like you have your post, i.e. with the emphasis on how you are inconvenienced by her fence rather than finding a solution without moving the fence, then I can see why she might have been bristly.

However I also think you’re making a massive mountain out of a molehill and getting the kids to scootch over or putting some flagstones down would have resolved it.

stackemhigh · 23/04/2021 05:01

You posted that cat poo was a problem, the paving slabs is a good solution, rather than widening the drive.

mrsbyers · 23/04/2021 06:16

Just take up a length of the grass and gravel over it - problem solved

Bluntness100 · 23/04/2021 07:14

Op you said you’d said you needed to speak to the surveyor as the horizontal rails were overhanging your fence and stopping you replacing it.

The fence has been legally installed, so they have checked this for you but that’s what looks like a complaint and you saying it’s not constructed properly . I don’t know how else they could take it?

Thatisnotwhatisaid · 23/04/2021 07:21

Cats usually cover their poo so it’s rare to see uncovered poo in the middle of the grass. You can buy cat and dog repellant for the grass anyway. As others have said though, get both of your DC to leave from the same door.

Overdueanamechange · 23/04/2021 09:10

I think this is easily resolved by a bottle of wine and a note to say that the HA were not acting on your instruction, and that your request to the HA was for the driveway to be widened a little, not to moan to them (neighbours) about putting up a fence.

Rachel1874 · 23/04/2021 17:29

Go back to them and say my issue was not with the fence. I need a solution that does not involve my child standing on the road whilst I park my car. And if they could not hp you would seek advice elsewhere such as citizens advice ad to what can be done.

TwoStepsAhead34 · 23/04/2021 17:36

This is the email I would send to HA/ council and to the nimron of a surveyor:

TITLE- OFFICIAL COMPLAINT

Hello.

Hope this email finds you well.

I am unfortunately forced to write this unpleasant email due to your incompetence and lack of regard to the situation.
I have complained that the shared drive has now been split by neighbour who has put up a boundary fence.
The fitting/safety of the fence is not a problem.
Due to the fact (which I had complained in my previous letters) my drive is now not wide enough to open both car doors. Which means my 10y SEN child is forced to wait on the side while I get the car out.
The surveyor who came out - I honestly am baffled by his incompetence - came and checked the fence? The fence that I did not complained about!
Why are people who are obvious unable to do their job employed by the council???
I complained that my drive is too narrow and it needs widening.
Why did he ever go and check the fence? That was not the issue- issue is the drive and it's width!
To top it all off - HA goes and sends my neighbour a letter stating I had complained about the fence? Since when is this kind of lying information compulsory to be sent to my neighbour? This has put me into a very awkward position with my next door neighbour!

Therefore I wish this situation to be rectified as a matter of urgency - firstly send around competent surveyor who knows the difference between the fence and the drive- and knows that the problem is the drive and NOT the fence. Secondly the HA needs to send out the letter to my neighbour outlining they had been in the wrong and I had NOT complained about the fence, but about the drive, which has nothing to do with the neighbour!

I find this whole situation absolutely outrageous and quite frankly very unprofessional on unacceptable level!

I await for your reply!

Regards,
Happily

PeskyRooksRGT · 23/04/2021 17:46

I wouldn't send that email

Shell4429 · 23/04/2021 17:53

I live in a HA house and don’t have a drive. I think you’re lucky to have one. I lived in a private rental before where my drive and garage were over the other side of my neighbours house and there were posts between them. I had to drive the car out halfway so that I could get my son in, never thought anything of it tbh.

Shell4429 · 23/04/2021 17:56

@Thatisnotwhatisaid

Just not true. Cats shit on grass and leave it there, they might do a token scrabble but they wouldn’t be able to bury it on grass.

hannayeah · 23/04/2021 18:02

Send a letter to HA restating the request to widen your drive. Cc the stupid neighbor who assumed what she was being told was correct rather than discussing it with the you. She’s a jerk for doing this while you were away without discussion and many places in the world would have required at least notification to alter on a perimeter like that.

Bliebell6 · 23/04/2021 18:02

The Borough Surveyor should have been consulted if this was a ‘new’ fence. The Arris rails are supposed to be on your neighbours side. Thought they would have had the decency to discuss their plans prior to the work commencing. If they are approachable, although they don’t sound like it, it might be a good idea to ask them why they did it in the first place, especially as you were away from the premises. Good luck with this p for,one reason or another I can fully sympathise with you

listershologram · 23/04/2021 18:14

Why can't you have the children both get out of the one door? If they are in the back they can just shuffle over?

PotteringAlong · 23/04/2021 18:21

If cat poo is a problem, taking your shoes off before you walk into the house solves it.

I think you are creating this into a much bigger problem than it needs to be. Walking over a bit of grass isn’t an issue.:

JiggedSpanner · 23/04/2021 18:22

The suggested size for a single car drive is 3m to allow you to open car doors and get out. A double drive is 5m not 6m as it assumes you have the available space to open your door over the space between two parked cars.

I believe a car parking space in a car park is 2.4m because again it assumes you will open your door over the line of the other space as the space is wide enough for a car and then some. Once someone erects a fence this prevents this air space being used.

I would put a note through the neighbour's door explaining you asked to widen your drive, nothing to do with the fence.

TheCanyon · 23/04/2021 18:23

Now, is it your neighbours cat shitting on your grass?

caspersmagicaljourney · 23/04/2021 18:28

@woodhill

I'm surprised your neighbour was allowed to put the fence up if it a shared drive

Me too. It might be worth checking to see if there's a restrictive covenant, as this may well be banned. I live on a 1980's estate (not social housing) and fences and hedges are completely banned at the front of the houses. The council are really strict about it. People who have erected fences and small hedges have been made to remove them. Failing that, I would just put some paving slabs down on the grass as others have mentioned.

LalalalalalaLand123 · 23/04/2021 18:30

You're getting so stressed about this when the only real problem you've identified is stepping in the grass and hence the potential to step into cat poo? Please OP. In the gentlest way.....do what PP suggest re covering the grass, and let this (non-)issue go.........

JackieTheFart · 23/04/2021 18:33

I need a solution that does not involve my child standing on the road whilst I park my car

Why can’t the child get out of the car and stand by the front door or on the pavement .

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